Argh "maiden" name

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

What can I use instead of the term "maiden name"?

"Unmarried name" does not sound right. "Previous name" ditto.

Never should have changed the bloody thing in the first place.

I'm going to mention it to DH, see his reaction.

Never mind what PIL are going to think. They are that sort of family. Think coat of arms on the wall, framed print of what the name means, they wear the family tartan, have traced back a million generations to when "they" left Scotland/Ireland blah blah blah.

Good luck Hearts Tbh until I started considering myself a feminist (only about a year ago) I don't think DH had even thought about a lot of the things I've been bringing up - examples of every day sexism etc. but he listens and doesn't mock me, which I thought he might. Our eyes are being opened together.

Hopefully your DH will listen to you too, even if he doesn't agree straight away. Drip drip drip! And keep dripping!

Heart, I recently changed from beyond marriedname to double-barrelled with myparentsname, having been marriedname for seven years. It's doable :)

DH didn't really have a say, but he is fine with it (though he doesn't like double-barrelled names in general - apparently they are snobby - and would probably prefer I went back to myparentsname alone!)

I'm not too bothered about changing the mrs part as I plan on being able to change it to dr in a couple of years anyway

I missed my old name. It's a better name that DHs boring name!

I have 2 email addresses that go into the same inbox - one for maiden/professional name and one for married name. Gmail let you do this really easily.

Oh and by the way they won't even notice the email address.

Your contact details will get recorded in to the data system. The only thing anyone will look at is your name. If they want to email you they will click on your name and Outlook or whatever will populate your email address. Loads of email addresses don't match names.

Where I am in Scotland, it's still not uncommon although now probably old-fashioned, to talk about a woman's "own name" instead of "maiden name".

It is also common on gravestones , even where a wife has taken her husband's name to give "her own name"

My grandmother for example is "Jane Smith, wife of John Brown" although in life she was Mrs Brown.

Paternal name ?

She has written back

"Dear Elizabeth"

So no issue at all with last names in this case

Cool.
If she calls you Elizabeth White, just say it's brown - you haven't updated your email. No need to explain what name is what :)

What a dude

I'm like a PP in finding 'maiden name' now quite charming for historical reasons. Own name is definitely better tho. Also wish I'd never changed the fucker in the first place. Mrs Peter Smith was still reasonably current in more formal contexts in 1976 not 1876. It's changed quite quickly thank goodness. I wonder if that's something to thank Mrs Thatcher for. Prime Minister Mrs Dennis Thatcher was never going to fly. I have a vague feeling Barbara Castle was occasionally known as Mrs Whateverhisnamewas Castle.

Teachers will be used to this.

They won't mind if your email address and your name and your DD's name are all different.

You can just sign off

Conseula Bananahammock
(Emma White's mum)

Trills is it wrong of me to wish that that was really my actual name

Deed poll is a much simpler process than you might think... I say go for it Ms Bananahammock!

Not wrong at all! :o

To be fair that is the correct way of addressing an envelope to a married woman!

No it fucking isnt. It might be an outdated social convention but when the married woman in question is called neither mrs, nor husband's name, then it's completely incorrect isn't it?

Adalind I agree with you.

I might just quietly start using my unmarried name more and not make a big deal of it. We are in Canada now so last names are used less anyways.

You could say 'Elizabeth Brown is my married name.' Sort of reverses it. I think of my name as my name and in the (unlikely) event of changing it on marriage I will think of the new name as my married name.

I can't get too much excited or upset about the form of address.
I am known as Mrs Fred Smith socially for formal occasions. I am Mrs Susan Smith for work. I choose not to use my maiden name (and yes, maiden name is correct). Many of my friends do use their maiden name professionally so might be DrJane Evans at work but Mrs Edward Jones socially.

There's no reason for the term "maiden name" to exist. There isn't such a term for men because such sexist expectations of changing surnames upon marriage don't exist for men. The titles "Miss" and "Mrs" are also unnecessary, no need for any other than "Ms". As for "Mrs Husband'sfirstname Husband'ssurname" this is yet more sexist still.

Who are you satirising Crumbs? I'm being a bit slow.

SerfTerf Satirising? I must be a bit slow too!

Crumbs is serious. She's wrong, but serious about it