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Original poster

Men bashing

512 replies

PirateQueenie · 01/05/2017 14:57

Hi all,

I don't have a real purpose to this thread other than to just voice my confusion and possibly hear some other opinions.

I would identify as feminist - although for want of a better word, I would rather say I'm an egalitarian. I enjoy reading these threads, and comment on some. But what really disheartens me is all the man-bashing Ive seen. I have a male partner who is my world ♥ wonderful male friends and family members, and when I read some of the things on here I can't help but feel very defensive of the men in my life.

Is this the new wave of feminism? Or am I missing something? When I was growing up (with my mum as an avid feminist), I never heard "men this" or "men that" it was always about how women can strengthen and empower themselves WITHOUT putting men down.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 03/05/2017 13:56

But you haven't managed to find any 'man-bashing' quotes from a female poster, despite it being rife?

For instance, if I complained 'people are always bashing Tory voters on here!' I could then find dozens of examples fairly easily.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:19

WellErr. As I said I was a bit dubious about posting any further examples as people then accuse me of making this thread about SPECIFIC other threads. At first I thought it was directed specifically at men, but I'm now beginning to realise there is just a huge air of hostility on here as a whole towards anyone who dares utter a difference of opinion. I genuinely think it's a real shame

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 03/05/2017 14:24

Pirate, do you think your OP was hostile at all?

cadnowyllt · 03/05/2017 14:24

PirateQueenie - there really is no end of 'male-bashing' on these threads - rife is the proper word for it. I'll come back to actual examples later - there really are so many. But they are not upsetting (at least I don't find them so - maybe I'm used to them) - instead it says something truly pathetic about those that use such phrases

Also, I was the poster that made the quip about billy-no-mates. The point I was making was that I couldn't see a purpose to mens groups - but I think the same thing about organisations such 'The Round Table' and 'Rotary clubs' etc - not that there's any shame to be attached to being somebody that finds it difficult to make friends - but why then limited to one particular sex.

HmmOkay · 03/05/2017 14:24

"I do still think the comment was derogatory".

Now you know who made the derogatory comment. A man.

So having realised your error, have you started a thread on Dadsnet here, saying that you've noticed men making rude comments on Mumsnet and you feel quite disheartened about it? I'm guessing not.

If you genuinely think that kind of comment is worthy of starting a thread in order to criticise feminists, then surely it is worthy of starting a thread in order to criticise men?

Can you really not see the double standard at play here? You thought a woman made a rude comment and you decided immediately that it was indicative of the rudeness of all feminists.

And then you realise that a man made the comment. And yet at that point you do not decide that it is indicative of the rudeness of all men and start a thread on Dadsnet about it.

That's what I mean by double standards.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/05/2017 14:27

"there is just a huge air of hostility on here as a whole towards anyone who dares utter a difference of opinion"

This makes no sense to me really, as there is no one unified set of opinions that all posters in one section share. There is always a range of opinions and people expect robust discussion. I don't think it's hostile.

GuardianLions · 03/05/2017 14:30

there is just a huge air of hostility on here

PirateQueenie are you aware that it is quite a hostile thing to do to:
a) start threads that make big sweeping negative generalisations about the posters within that very forum?

b) make vague and sweeping statement's about the 'air' in a forum - making no effort to acknowledge that there may be trolls and troll-weary posters in it?

The reason sweeping criticisms of entire forums is hostile/antagonistic is because EVERYONE in that thread is going to take it personally.

So here's a question Queenie where do you get off on doing that?

HmmOkay · 03/05/2017 14:31

This is like a farce. Smile

The man basher pops up to agree with the OP about man bashing.

All we need now is the back half of the pantomime horse to make an appearance.

WellErrr · 03/05/2017 14:33

Just because people don't agree with you, doesn't mean they're being hostile.

If you want reasoned and robust debate, you're in the right place. If you want hugs and kisses on everything and 'no offence hun' then you're probably not.
And that's not me being 'hostile.' It's true though, that different forums have different tones and there's no right or wrong when it comes to what you prefer.

Your OP was accusatory and you haven't been able to back it up with any examples. Many have asked you to, but you are ignoring them and instead clinging to the one post that mentioned TAAT.

The women here have taken the time to back up their opinions with facts and anecdotes alike. No one has been insulting or derogatory to you.
But the fact that the only one agreeing with you is a male poster who is openly pretty anti-woman (yet frequents to FWR board of Mumsnet - go figure) should be enough to make one think.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:33

"You thought a woman made a rude comment and you decided immediately that it was indicative of the rudeness of all feminists." - erm. No. I really didn't. As I have said AND WILL REPEAT YET AGAIN - I have seen many rude comments made on here (about men and women) and when I was asked I gave one example. Unfortunately for me that back fired because the one I chose to say was said by a man. It was just one example on that same thread though, there were many others said by women.
Instead of just denying that any prejudice occurs in the feminism movement, it would be much healthier for it to be acknowledged. I find this whole place a minefield if anyone dares have a difference of opinion. People jump on everyone, it's so negative.

OP posts:
Datun · 03/05/2017 14:33

pirate

I suspect what you see as hostility, other people will see passionate disagreement.

And I agree with assassinated. Bunfights regularly break out across all the threads. Everyone has a different opinion.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/05/2017 14:34

Do you think your opening post was negative?

WellErrr · 03/05/2017 14:36

when I was asked I gave one example. Unfortunately for me that back fired because the one I chose to say was said by a man

Choose another?

I find this whole place a minefield if anyone dares have a difference of opinion

It's not though is it? Given the wide range of opinions here.

WellErrr · 03/05/2017 14:37

I've just re read your OP.

Your recent posts are pretty rich for someone who came on here to tell us we're doing feminism wrong Hmm

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:41

Assassinated - I don't think it was 😕 and I certainly wouldn't want it to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:43

"Your recent posts are pretty rich for someone who came on here to tell us we're doing feminism wrong"

What?? I'm not here to tell anyone anything!! ^^ those are the kind of comments I'm referring to though.

OP posts:
WellErrr · 03/05/2017 14:45

You re read your OP then. Of course it's negative. Having that pointed out to you is not 'hostile.'

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:47

I've just re read my OP and don't see anything negative in it. But if it offended anyone then that realky wasn't the intention.

OP posts:
HmmOkay · 03/05/2017 14:47

PirateQueenie,

You are either unable to see the double standard or you really don't want to see it.

How's the transgender bashing thread going, Queenie?

You seem to have spectacularly bad luck in starting threads, choosing threads and quoting comments for someone who is so averse to conflict. Particularly since you've only been on Mumsnet for a week.

OlennasWimple · 03/05/2017 14:49

I suspect Pirate feels under attack because there is only one of her - plus Cadno - and there are more of us, which can feel a bit overwhelming.

But that doesn't mean that we are all ganging up to be nasty

One thing I like most about this board is the discussion and debate. I have frequently changed my mind about stuff as a result of chewing things over on this board, and I think others would say the same. We are not a hive mind of feminists, and by and large we respect each others' views on issues (I know I'm out of kilter with the majority views on here on late term abortion and whether men can be feminists, for example)

What we dont' tolerate by and large is posters who make broad accusations and can't produce the evidence to substantiate them. It happens so often it has become beyond tedious, hence some of us are a little jaded. At least you have stuck around and not just flounced like so many of your predecessors, so thank you for that.

WellErrr · 03/05/2017 14:50

Really? You dont see anything negative about it at all? Nothing?

Despite that, and despite you giving no examples of this supposed man-bashing (which is apparently so bad it makes you feel defensive for the men in your life) a lot of women gave a lot of time to explain their points of view to you, and you then called us hostile? And said it was a negative place?

And you really can't see why any of that is offensive?

picklemepopcorn · 03/05/2017 14:52

I was just about to jump to the defence of Queenie, because as a nube the passionate debate, reasoned and robust discussion can feel pretty harsh. Some of us are on a steeper learning curve than others, and do want to learn, but it can be pretty intimidating for those of us who are used to softening our opinions and making them more digestible to the listener.

However, if Queenie has in her first week started a thread about trans bashing and one about man bashing, then I suspect she is more robust than me and does not need defending!

Datun · 03/05/2017 14:57

I'm not sure Queenie started the one about trans to be fair.

It's very difficult when disagreement is called hostility. It's a shutting down tactic. It's also vastly irritating.

There is nothing wrong with vehement disagreement. Stick with the issue, address the points.

Original poster
PirateQueenie · 03/05/2017 14:57

Excuse me???? I haven't started a thread about trans bashing?!?! I commented on that thread that I actually AGREE with most of the points about it, but also disagreed with SOME of the things raised too.

OP posts:
Datun · 03/05/2017 15:08

Queenie.

I can see that you are trying to find out as much as you can. You are questioning your previous beliefs. You are reasserting some others.

It's all good.

I can see you got couple of negative comments on your thread about feminism. You have to understand that people post on here and say come on then, what it's all about this wimmin stuff?

It happens so often, that there is a stock answer of no, fuck off and do your own homework.

Women are asked to take care of men, centre transwomen, defend feminism to make it user friendly.

It's gets so old. What never gets old is people's shock when women decide not to.

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