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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/10/2016 01:36

Well my 22year old son has had a couple of girlfriends. One was a friend from college, the current, long term one is a friend from Uni. They met at freshers when their two flats went on a night out, hung out for a week or so then became an item. I don't think he goes for chatting up women in bars really.

Pretty much the way I met my DH; we were friends first.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:37

And yy to bleurgh on "try his luck". Like women are a fucking prize in a tombola or something.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:38

Jenlindley...in case you havent noticrd im bot particularly bothered about your opinion given that ironically (considering the thread topic) your initial reaction is rudeness.

So you only want opinions that agree with you. Is that it? Is that what you expected to get posting here? Tough shit, you're getting mine anyway. Whether you want it or not.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/10/2016 01:45

I'm actually rather heartened that groups of women are telling men whose persistent attention is unwanted to "fuck off".

I'm in my fifties and when I was young we sort of endured it, so as not to give offence. We were raised to be more compliant I suppose. Thank fuck for progress.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:46

Clumsyduck...again i thank you for admitting that you have seen what i mean and i am grateful for that. For some reason which i find really strange, you're the only one who admits to having witnessed it. With what you said though...isn't it best to give a guy the benefit of the doubt instead of being bitchy straight away...i mean yeah i get it the guy half an hour ago might have been a pest but what if this one guy is actually really nice, fancies the girl but doesnt meet her looks criteria and gets told to F off. If he is genuinely a nice guy then that could ruin his confidence completely... And there are some guys out there who can go years without getting attention from women or having sex..

Like i said ive only once ever seen a guy be plain rude about a womans appearance on a night out and im pretty sure i told him.he was being a d*ck because of it (and apologised to the girl and told him what he was like in general so she wouldnt feel so bad).

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 15/10/2016 01:51

Oh I get the compliance thing . I think it's still around in droves I certainly used to feel this " not wanting to offend " still do sometimes ! Even if that was towards over bearing men . It's hard to shake off but we are slowly getting there ! am new to the feminism board and Iv learnt alot, seriously it just wasn't something I was ever educated on growing up and not something I really discuss in real life although I'm starting to !! All the little injustices I felt I didn't realise others felt the same and why I felt them ! Thank god for mumsnet ! Anyway I digress !!

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:52

Tinklylittlelaugh..thats nice and I agree that it is always best to get to know a partner through mutual activities ideally (even though i did meet my girlfriend on a night out). The thing is these days with online dating...i see more and more of my friends struggle...i have one mate who is 30 and i swear he must still be a virgin. He's a nice guy but is short...maybe like 5 foot 7 and started balding early. I've seen him be mocked in a club before by women but actually he doesn't come on nights out with us much anymore...presumably because he doesnt like that environment.

I think.women have dating a lot easier these days, inititally at least as that tinder thing shows...they want sex ..they go online and get it in an instant. Some guys literally cant get it and that is why they have to go.out and try to appraoch women...otherwise they watch their life pass by them.

OP posts:
Sadmummytrapped · 15/10/2016 01:52

Women dont have to have sex or give attention to someone they dont fancy no matter how nice he may be or how long hes gone without thats just crazy!

Sadmummytrapped · 15/10/2016 01:53

Same way as men dont have to either. From what ive seen most of these hard done by men are usually the most picky about looks.

ftw · 15/10/2016 01:54

Enzio love, walk past them, say hello, smile, keep going.

If they want to speak to you, they will find a way, being sentient and all.

If you insert yourself into their night out unbidden, you're just spoiling their night. (How much you're spoiling it depends on them, you, the venue, their lives, their circumstances, but you are ruining it. And yes, it's creepy.)

And really, stop mansplaining or thinking you're entitled to us. You're not.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:55

And there are some guys out there who can go years without getting attention from women or having sex.

You're being too obvious now. Back to troll school with you.

ftw · 15/10/2016 01:56

FFS. I X posted with your last post. I would never have spoken to you if I'd seen that.

NOONE IS ENTITLED TO SEX. WITH ANYONE. EVER.

pontificationcentral · 15/10/2016 01:56

cannot be for real. Some guys do go for years without attention or sex. And? Women are under no compunction to chat, entertain, or fuck anyone they don't want to.
Sleazily approaching women in bars and expecting a rapturous welcome with legs akimbo IS creepy. Fact. I suspect it is thr kevrl if entitlement that is off-putting. And the woe is me attitude.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 01:56

Enthusiasm disturbed...it wasnt about attractive guy getting more sex. It was about attractive guy being able to say 'creepy' things and have women pass it off as 'funny' or just not a dealbreaker because of the guys appearance. The 'halo effect' so to speak.

I saw another link about it where women reacted angrily to bald men with shaved heads who said the same lines to women as guys more coventionally good looking but got treated realllly brutally comparitavely.

OP posts:
clumsyduck · 15/10/2016 01:57

I don't know op maybe we automatically think the worst from past experience / can't be arsed to find out if the guy is a creep like the last 3 that came over or simply we just shouldn't have to overthink any of that and can just literally say "no" and carry on with our night ! i guess it may be a shame for the genuine nice guy who might be over looked but then isn't he simply doing the same as the girls who may over look him and the same as the creepy guy before him and approaching the opposite Sex based purely on looks ?? Anyway I shall bow out now ! Good luck op ! Grin

pontificationcentral · 15/10/2016 01:57

the level lol. apparently my trolldar going off is affecting my typing.

scallopsrgreat · 15/10/2016 01:58

Well as much as this has been enjoyable, Enzo and thank.you for engaging in none of my posts, I must pootle off to my lonely, empty bed . I'm certainly regretting not engaging those arrogant obnoxious poor men in their attempts to seduce me in a five minute conversation. We all get our comeuppance so don't worry too.much.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 01:58

All men could go forever without sex and it will still not be up to women to fix that. Women are not responsible for ensuring men have sex. Believe it or not, it is not a travesty if a man doesn't have sex. It's survivable.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/10/2016 02:01

Enzo do you seriously believe that an unattractive woman who inserted herself into a group of men on a night out and made advances would get exactly the same reception as a very beautiful one?

Lorelei76 · 15/10/2016 02:02

OP "some guys literally cant get it and that is why they have to go.out and try to appraoch women..."

I'm sure there are some women who "can't get it" either. What do you want to do about it?

In terms of advice, I'd say don't approach anyone in that way, be friends first, have a wide circle of acquaintances, or even use dating sites.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 02:03

Enzo do you seriously believe that an unattractive woman who inserted herself into a group of men on a night out and made advances would get exactly the same reception as a very beautiful one?

He doesn't actually care enough to think about that one. This is a very obvious case of "why won't the women give me sex and how can I make them??"

Lorelei76 · 15/10/2016 02:06

Btw you say your friend is short and balding, neither of those would put me off. Lots of women aren't going to be put off by that. It's unfortunate if some women have been rude to him but lots of men are rude too.

venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 02:09

Spare a thought for women getting abuse shouted at them in the street OP. What do you feel about that? Don't you think they might feel a bit under siege? And also I don't have a problem with shorter balding men, it's entirely down to personality as to whether I find a man attractive.

Original poster
Enzouk · 15/10/2016 02:10

Clumsyduck...yes i suppose it is all about looks at the start. The thing is and what it seems some people dont understand here is that generally it is the man eho has to appraoch the woman to start a relationship...not many women will approach the guy.. That is just a fact of life. What i am talking about is just not being plain rude if you dont like a guy physically and certainly not shaming him/calling him creepy for it.

If an attractive man can go up to a woman and say something/act in a certain way and get a good response and an unattractive man does the exact same thing but is immediately called creeepy then by definition i think his actions are not creepy and it is purely the woman shaming him because of her shallowness. Now if she merely is polite and excuses herself from the conversation before long then that is different. What i.am talking about is.just bitchy behaviour because of shallowness....

Anyway thanks again for a more civil exchange!

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 15/10/2016 02:12

If you've been a PUA OP I'm sure you'll appreciate that it's a pretty shallow philosophy.