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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Do women use certain terms to 'shame' certain types of men?

639 replies

Enzouk · 14/10/2016 23:58

Just wondering about female perspectives on this. I increasingly hear women calling guys 'creepy' as a shaming tactic..generally I think that the women doing so do it only if they don't find the man attractive. Where as they will pander to a guy who is physically attractive to thrm they will hate on a guy who acts the exact same way who physically is not attractive to them. I have seen women do it in front of groups of friends in a sort of 'lets put this guy in his place' way. Thoughts? And what do you think of women who do this?

Also, i suppose on similar lines...are women more shallow than men with regards to physical attraction?

OP posts:
Marbleheadjohnson · 15/10/2016 11:12

Some men label me a fat slag because I have the audacity to be walking down the road. It hurts, but I shrug and get on with my day. I don't ask unrelated men to answer for the behaviour of those who abused me.

And the Op isn't just saying women shouldn't label men they don't fancy as creeps. He's said, among other nonsense, that male suicide rates are high because women don't have sex with them.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 11:19

I'm being charitable if I say that men may not realise the pressure and fear that women experience when men approach them and expect them to respond, but I think probably a lot of them do
I don't think they really care, women are a resource to be exploited

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 11:23

Look at the viral things where women make a big deal out of screenshotting something 'creepy' a guy has said and posting it online.

If a man says something like that to a woman he barely knows, this is what he deserves. Look at Bye Felipe or Tinder Nightmares - the awful things that men think nothing of sending to women are breathtaking. And loads of them - in fact most - are quite good looking, in other ways 'normal' men. That's the depressing thing. That's what we deal with all the time.

That tinder seduction link was written by someone who hates women. Seriously. He's presenting his replies in a way that helps to 'prove' his Red Pill, PUA crap. I bet hundreds of women objected to what he said to them, hundreds more probably just ignored it. I dread to think how you found the link.

ageingrunner · 15/10/2016 11:25

Unfortunately I think you're right ShiningExample

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 11:28

Oh so a polite I am not interested regardless of how the women is feeling about a man approaching her

But isn't it up to a women to decide how she feels not a man to decide how she should feel, if a man is making me feel uncomfortable then I am allowed to acknowledge that and tell him so without getting in to a potential conversation

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 11:29

I think if women committed suicide at 4 times the rate that men do then we would hear a lot more about it than we do, in the media etc.

Not really, seeing as women are about 8 times more likely to be murdered by their boyfriends or husbands - at a rate of several a week - and that rarely makes the news.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 15/10/2016 11:31

If women actually had things tougher in general then they definitely wouldn't be commiting suicide at only a quarter of the rate.

Hundreds of years of social conditioning makes it all easier to put up with.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 11:34

But isn't it up to a women to decide how she feels not a man to decide how she should feel
In the manosphere women are considered to be child-like, inferior and secondary to men, bear this in mind and the OP's posts will be easier to comprehend

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 11:38

enthusiasm

So you think saying 'I'm not interested and you're creepy' should be just as effective at immediately terminating the interaction as 'I'm not interested'? Interesting. I think most people would have a natural desire to say, 'I get that you're not interested but I wasn't pestering you, just saying hi etc...'. It's not fair to think women should be able to label a man further for not humbly saying, 'Right you are then,' or 'didn't mean to offend' automatically. If someone insulted me when I had done nothing other than speak to them, I would probably not think I was the guilty party if I dared to reply.

midcenturymodern · 15/10/2016 11:38

Surely creepiness is in the eye of the beholder. Like saying you are sexy, or funny, saying you are non-creepy isn't really your call

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 11:47

But if a man is making me feel uncomfortable why can I not say that by telling him he is a creep

He of course will not see it that way but he has decided for me that I must want his attention so has approached me

Like I have said before pinpointing why some men have made me feel this way I can't but some do and I think it's down to them and how they view me

Marbleheadjohnson · 15/10/2016 11:48

Actually just re read this by the OP

'Who is likely to be more depressed...male model from the tinder experiment who can do no wrong in the eyes of any women no matter how awful his personality is, or nice guy average/poor looking joe who gets glared at any time he even looks at a woman?'

If he actually gave a shit about men's mental health he wouldn't be spouting mythical nonsense like that with gay abandon. Gary Speed was good looking, Kurt Cobain was gorgeous, Robert Enke was successful and not ugly. Zayn Malik is drop dead gorgeous and the dream boy du jour - he's been very open about anxiety. Jamea Arthur is top of the charts and pretty hot, has loads of women who are attracted to him. He's also suffered terribly from depression and us working hard on raising awareness about this. None of these men had "women won't fuck me" as a reason for their troubles. Professor Green - well I would, I find him physically attractive and amusing. He's been very vocal about men's mental health, and very open about his own problems.

So my conclusion is you have as little respect for men with mental health problems as you do for women, given how you oversimplify their struggles just so you can use it as a stick to beat bitchy women with. You're helping to perpetuate stereotypes of who can be affected by mental illness, and what the causes are. This is not helpful.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/10/2016 12:07

There are men all over the world who would be fucking fuming at the implication they are depressed because women won't fuck them.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 12:07

It was so much better in the good old days when men were in control ofthe lions share of power money and status
Women had to pander to men's desires if they wanted to get on in life

Xenophile · 15/10/2016 13:05

Well, quite shining.

Women should remember that we're just here to be attractive to men. Any men. All men. We should remember that when we've expressed that we're not interested in a man's approaches and he persists in interrupting a conversation between women, that we should just continue to demurely ask him to leave us alone, no matter how creepy his behaviour because otherwise there might be consequences.

The rebuffed man might:

(a) Kill himself. Not terribly likely, and suggests a woeful lack of understanding of suicide.
(b) Not get laid. Sad for him, but he has no right to sex, no matter what his pet football player believes.
(c) Feel all sad inside. Ah well, life is still pretty wonderful.
(d) Come onto a feminist chat board and have a 3 hour cry wank where only a woman who wears her hatred of women like a shiny golden badge will agree with him.
Or, and far more usually:
(e) become verbally or physically aggressive/violent toward his target and then do (d)

Women don't owe you sex, the time of day or their attention.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 13:08

enthusiasm

A man who approaches you is guilty of deciding for you that you must want his attention?

Wow.

GiveMeRitz · 15/10/2016 13:42

Men don't shame women about their looks.
Ha
Ha
Ha
Ha
Ha
Ha
Not 30 minutes ago I have while minding my own business walking from shop A to shop B had a man hang out of a car call he a fucking fat bitch and make pig noises as I walked away, with his 2 mates near hysterical with laughing.

I'm 43, men have been making comments and worse on my physical appearance since I was 11. So as far as I'm concerned when any woman treats any interaction with any man in any situation at any time the only one to blame is men.

Fucking sort yourself, and your sex out instead of blaming us for acting on our experiences.

GiveMeRitz · 15/10/2016 13:46

*that should read as:

So as far as I'm concerned when any woman treats any interaction with any man in any situation at any time as hostilethe only one to blame is men.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/10/2016 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GiveMeRitz · 15/10/2016 16:17

Oh Mrs TP that did make me snigger, thanksGrin

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 15/10/2016 16:26

I never mentioned anything about guilt

I don't go round talking to people unless they have made eye contact, smiled etc

Why would I just approach someone just because I wanted to with no signs they were wanting me to I do not feel that entitled to think that way

Again we are not hanging around waiting to be approached

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 15/10/2016 16:49

Snigger. Yes. That fits with my perception perfectly.

erinaceus · 15/10/2016 16:56

...in some unsafe environment where she might feel threatened.

Are you able to specify the environments in which a woman might or might not feel threatened? Where are the safe spaces, do you think?

BeyondPolkadots · 15/10/2016 16:59

I can't just let this lie, unchallenged...

"The fact that men feel like this so much more frequently than women...at four times the rate...yes, I think it is alarming and more people need to take note of it rather than just brushing it off as 'men need to be able to talk to someone"

Women attempt suicide more than men, men are just more likely to be successful at it. So no, actually women feel like this so much more frequently than men.