Who is the main driver in your relationship? You or DP?

[KP86]

Just curious, if you and DP/DH are both in the car at the same time, who drives?

For us it's DH 99% of the time as he 'can't relax' when I'm driving, and to the honest, it's just easier for me to leave him to it and then I get a chance to relax/day dream/look at phone myself. When I do drive he is constantly on edge and comments, grrrr! He clearly thinks he is a much better driver.

With my parents, it's the same. Dad always drives. Even if they are in Mum's car.

It's tiny here though with pretty good public transport. I live in the suburbs of a city and buses run every 5 mins from 6am till 10pm

Normally I drive. I have the bigger car, so if we go as a family, my car is more comfortable. Plus mine is a company car, my fuel is paid for by the company so I drive for free.

If we're going out and alcohol might be involved, he drives there and I drive home as I don't drink. Either his car or mine, makes no difference really.

Otherwise I drive mine, he drives his.

I prefer to drive on long journeys but if it is somewhere we've never been before, I like to switch to him driving for the last half hour. This is because dh is an absolutely shit navigator and the last thing I need at the end of a long tiring journey when I need a wee is for him to get us lost!

I drive almost all the time. My mother is the same. DD is even peeved when DH occasionally drives as she thinks it's mummy's car.

I think it is sometimes a feminist issue. I see women driving to pick up their partners and they get out and swap seats. I can't help but think there is an issue about control and, you know, being in the driver's seat.

I drive. DP gets distracted too easily.

Also, we have an enormous truck in a tiny place and he's not confident that he wouldn't hit something (he shut his eyes as I drove it onto eurostar (where it just fit - with our aerial going ding, ding, ding as I drove down with about 3 inches each side between us and the curbs) and ferries when we drove it across Europe (he did the motorways).

He has form for this - we had once sold a car, but weren't handing it over for a week, so he had me drive it for that week, because then he couldn't damage it and lose the sale (! He didn't mention this to me, and luckily I didn't have any issues)

I have been in three serious relationships. Live in London. I learned to drive at 16yo and got licence, use of my parents car.

I have been the only driver in all my relationships. Varying between own car ownership, borrowing parents car and Car Hire.

I'm now in a forever relationship with a man approaching 50yo who never learned to drive. We don't own a car either so we hire one for travel.

In London you dont need a car, public transport is frequent and insurance/parking is mad expensive!

I think I might just attract men who don't drive!

Equal although I'm pregnant at the moment so I do more over the weekend where socialising and drinking is involved.

A friends gran doesn't like reversing into the garage so she positions her car for her husband to reverse - he's blind. You can't make this stuff up!

Me. I'm the only driver as DH can't drive. Sometimes I wish he could, so that we could share the load, but at least it means I always have the car at my disposal!

If my parents are in the car together, my dad always drives, unless he has had a drink - and then he sits and criticises her driving. I do wish my mum would drive more often, as I worry that she will lose confidence if she doesn't go out on the road.

DH drives, usually on long journeys (+4 hours). No gender based reason, just that I have longer arms and therefore can fiddle with DS' headrest mounted tablet whilst it's still in the headrest.

I never understood those relationships where women drive more than men! We always split it 50.50 not least because I didn't want to be lumbered with screaming toddlers and back seat nappy changes over 4 hour drives.

We probably split driving 20%5 DH & 80% me. I'm the better driver not in his opinion and am happy not to drink on most nights out. I happily drive in new places & abroad.

Me, I like driving and he doesn't.

I never understood those relationships where women drive more than men! Huh? Do you understand the relationships where men drive more than women?

I like driving and am better at it, DH is a good navigator. What's not to understand?

DH, because he likes it and I hate it. I would obviously drive if he felt like a rest or something or take turns if it was a long drive.

DP, but that's because I have a 2 seater with no bootspace, that leaks and is falling apart, whilehis car is significantly larger, newer and comfier.

Dh doesn't expect to drive and would actually prefer it to be more equal so I suspect it will be more like 50/50 when I eventually trade up!

My dh drives most of the time if we are both out because he prefers to drive and is very good at it (professionally trained). However, he has no problem at all with me driving if I want to but I quite like being chauffeured around, it's also easier as we can do 'drop and run' when it's difficult to park.

I'm chief navigator, my navigating skills are exceptional.

Dh can't drive, and has never had an interest in learning. So it's always me. We live in London so it's never really been an issue or need for DH. We even went without a car altogether for about 4 years.

I've noticed more and more women driving over the years, but I still get annoyed when I see a man driving and a young boy in the front seat, with the Mum sitting behind (obviously assumptions being made about all relationships...)

If I pick dh up from anywhere I'd never think of getting in the passenger seat to let him drive.

Is this a feminist issue? We're not in Saudi Arabia.

50/50 if it's just the two of us in the car.

95% DH if the kids are in the car because I am better at dealing with any child-related issues. This is partly because he has a slipped disc and cannot turn around to look at them without discomfort. One DC gets car sick a lot of the time and I can get sea-bands/ medication/ sick bags to her. If they argue I can turn around and make eye contact while telling them to calm it down.

If he's unwell, tired or had a drink I will drive.

grimble, I still see that regularly at my station in the mornings, don't understand why people do it, involves lots of faffing around and holds everyone up whilst we queue behind them!

If we are together, DH tends to drive.

He loves all things petrol and I do not, though I end up driving far more miles than he each week.

For those asking why/if this is a feminist issue, it is when the reason the men drive more is because they have the penises.

For example, in my relationship, I do mostly enjoy driving, probably about the same as DH, but as I said in the OP he thinks he is a better driver (I suspect the penis part comes in here) and so practically demands to drive or sulks if not. My own father is also a bit like this - he has to drive because he's the head of the household. I haven't seen him in the car with my brother, but I doubt he would try to get into his driver's seat like he has done to me in the past. It's bullshit.

The examples of women being driven to drop male partners off at stations etc does make me roll my eyes. At least my DH (and hopefully DF) aren't that bad.

So while it may not be happening everywhere (yay, progress!) it does still happen. The fight continues.

If there's still an average age gap of about 4 years between male-female couples, then many couples with have had the man be able to drive before his partner, so they get used to that. MrNC had been driving for 8 years when I met him, so while I soon passed my test there was already a pattern set of him doing most of the driving (also it was his car and he used it daily, me only there at weekends).

I don't think I've ever driven him to the station, but if the situation arose he would drive himself to get there faster, rather than me having to adjust the seat and mirrors as well as worrying about getting there on time. Once dropped, I could then sort it in my own time.

MrNC is also absolutely terrible at navigating and worse at giving useful directions, whereas I had 7 years of being an adult passenger and navigating, so makes sense to play to our strengths. He's also panicky about being driven by anyone including taxis (so mainly male drivers) thanks to his dad being a terrifying driver.

I do make an effort to drive sometimes so the kids know I can - I didn't for a few years for health reasons but can now.

No we do 50/50. I used to do more in my work and he worked near home, now it is the other way round. We always do 50/50 on longer journeys.