Who is the main driver in your relationship? You or DP?

[KP86]

Just curious, if you and DP/DH are both in the car at the same time, who drives?

For us it's DH 99% of the time as he 'can't relax' when I'm driving, and to the honest, it's just easier for me to leave him to it and then I get a chance to relax/day dream/look at phone myself. When I do drive he is constantly on edge and comments, grrrr! He clearly thinks he is a much better driver.

With my parents, it's the same. Dad always drives. Even if they are in Mum's car.

DH does 100% of the driving and I'm perfectly happy and grateful for that. I can't drive. I used to drive then realised I'm really crap at it and safer off the road. Not a feminist issue for us (unless it counts that I am exercising my decision etc etc) , just a practical and considerate arrangement.

I'm used to the following phrases-

You just need a refresher.
You just need to get your confidence back.
You'll feel so much more independent
Etc.

If DH is away, there is more than enough public transport or Shank's pony.

Pretty much 50/50. If we go out for a meal though I will drive home as he loves a drink with the meal and I couldn't care less about alcohol.

The problem comes when we are in a strange place as he can't tell his left from his right. So if I am navigating and say turn right he is just as likely to turn left (I have to do an exaggerated pointy motion in front of his nose to show him which is right). It's even worse if he is navigating though because he might say turn right when he means turn left and a pointy motion then is no help at all. 'Tis most discombobulating.

DH likes driving more than I do so I'm happy to let him. I pull him up if he comments on my driving as I find it incredibly annoying.

I don't love driving, but I guess I am still a relatively new driver, where as dh has been driving for 13 years or so. We are driving down to Minehead next week (8 hours) so we are going to share it which I'm not looking forward to lol

Me, as Dp cannot drive.
However people always assume he is driving, if for example they ask about the journey when we arrive somewhere.
It is definitely a 'man / woman' issue, all these men who can't bear being driven by their partners.

In surveys something like 99% of men say they are 'better than average' as drivers, whereas equal numbers of women say they are 'better than average' 'average' or 'less good than average' as drivers.

Always him unless he's been drinking. I'm bf so always sober. We've just got in and as I was reversing into the drive found myself muttering 'I bloody hate doing this with you in the car!' He'd never dare say anything but I know he thinks I'm going to do it wrong. It was a perfect park btw!

I dislike driving unless I am on my own.
DH is a terrible passenger, so it works for us that he drives.
I do worry slightly that I am modelling a sexist set up to the DC. However it doesn't bother me enough to actually drive...

I've posted this once before a couple of years ago but seems appropriate to post it again.

I used to commute to London by train. I would notice how, in the morning the man would drive with his partner in the passenger seat. The man would jump out and go for the train and the woman would get out of the passenger seat and into the driver's seat.

In the evening the reverse would happen. The woman would drive up to the station, jump out and get in the passenger seat and the man would get in the driving seat.

WTF is that all about?

By contrast if the woman was being dropped off at the station the man would be in the driving seat arriving and departing.

It was in the 90s though so maybe everyone is a bit more grown up now.

Anyone else notice this phenomenon more recently?

I do most of the driving when we're both in the car. No major reason, I drove before DH, pay for the car and I really love driving. He is happy to be the passenger and look at the view!
A friend asked me once, how did DH feel with me always taking the wheel? (An indication into her relationship/driving situation!)
I said it wasn't ever an issue, but said I would have been very annoyed if, when he finally passed his test, he'd expected me to hand over the car keys just because he's male, considering the difference in our driving experience and my obvious enjoyment. Thankfully, DH has never played the penis card!

I am the driver, whether it's my car or DHs. I love driving and DH loves napping in the car so it works out well!

Me, most of the time. He's a better navigator by far, and I have way more driving experience (10+ years in hijack-central Johannesburg!) and am more comfortable with our heavy tank of a car. I think he'd drive more if he hated the car less.

If the dog comes with us we go in my car as dog not allowed in his car, so I drive.

If dog not coming we will go in his car as better fuel economy so he drives.

I drive a lot more in the week as I take the DCs to nursery and myself to work by car while DH commutes by train, so if we go out as a family I am over driving and he wants a go (he likes it more than me too, but it's more extreme at the moment with me always driving to work and him never). If he's feeling ill or (rarely these days) we're out at night and he's drinking then it's me. If it's a longer journey we share by distance/time.

If one of us is being dropped off somewhere we would never switch over at the drop off point. That would be crazy. Unless we thought of the drop off on the way there, or one of us had some really urgent internet business or calls to make while we drove.

99% of the time it's DH - it's not a feminist issue, he knows I wear the trousers

I reckon that as I do all the "getting things ready to go," then he should do the driving so I get a chance to relax.

Interesting question. My DH does tend to drive if we're both in the car as he gets travel sick,so although he was keen for me to learn to drive so that I could share the driving it hasn't really worked out how he hoped!

I'm often the driver when we go out though as I don't often drink and I will generally do local driving and school runs when we're together as I'm more used to it. He's just not assertive enough for the dog eat dog of the school run where you have to sieze that gap or wait another half an hour!

DH always drives unless we're out and want to drink in which case we take it in turns. I drive a lot for work and don't really enjoy it that much (and he always tells me what to do when I'm driving) whereas he walks to work and loves driving. So it works for us

I drive 80% of the time. Mostly because I drop DH at work so I can have the car. If we are going on a longer journey 30mins+ then we usually take turns on either leg.

DH will drive 99% of the time.

He enjoys driving. I don't, particularly.

I also drive x5 times a week to work, whereas he gets the bus.

If we're together, I drive 90% of the time. We're generally in my car as all the kids don't fit in his, so I drive. We're both equally happy being driven by the other one though, there's none of this nonsense commenting on the others driving. I see it in other relationships though, my mum has never driven a car with my dad in, despite driving for 40 odd years.

We only have one car and I drive it to work Monday to Friday, whereas DH works from home. He rarely goes out on week nights, so he drives at the weekend as it really is the only opportunity for him to do so. We take it in turns to be the designated driver, although I am currently on maternity leave and breastfeeding so barely drinking anything so I'm banking a lot of designated driver chips at the moment which I will cash in later.

We split it but more me. I am really, really, really good at parking, squeezing the car into a tiny spot in the Sainsbo's car park or parallel parking or what have you. He hates it because he sucks at it and knows I am silently judging him

Long distance we share, probably slightly more him.

His car - him almost 100% of the time
My car - about 50:50. He almost always offers/asks to drive even for short trips- official reason given is that he likes driving, whereas I'm not fussed either way and view it as a method of getting from A to B. Also my car is nicer than his and he likes the chance to drive it. I'll often say, No thanks I'll drive just so that he doesn't start automatically walking to the driver's side and taking it for granted. I nipped the backseat driving in the bud by offering him the option of getting out and walking. I'm sure he thinks he's a better driver than me - I think we're both fairly good (though he is better at parking, having manouvered machinery his entire working life).
I do think it is a penis thing rather than simply because he likes driving - I do not think that he offers to drive when he is going somewhere with a male friend in the friend's car (unless they'd already driven several hours and were tired) even if he was insured, as that would probably be viewed as weird and offensive to the other person's penis. Ditto I think he would be surprised if I offered to drive his car if we were both going somewhere.
I was waiting to turn right out of a side road onto a busy road with a heavy stream of traffic a few days ago and started idly watching the people in the cars. There were single male drivers and single female drivers, but of the opposite sex pairs, in every single case the man was driving.
Women are obviously good enough to drive if they have to go to work by themselves, or if their male partner fancies a night out drinking (he drives there, she drives back), but otherwise quite often women are not good enough to drive, because penis.

Always me as DH doesn't drive. I don't usually mind as I enjoy driving, but on the rare occasion we go a long way or I'm feeling ill or I want a drink, I do make pointed comments about how we really need to find the money for him to learn!

This has been an interesting thread, thanks. A few people who seem to be in the same situation as me, but heaps who are not!

As an aside, I'm constantly surprised by the number of adults in the UK who do not know how to drive at all. From Australia, I consider it an essential life skill, and even if I didn't have a car would still insist on knowing in case of an emergency one day.