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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Who is the main driver in your relationship? You or DP?

146 replies

KP86 · 27/03/2016 09:00

Just curious, if you and DP/DH are both in the car at the same time, who drives?

For us it's DH 99% of the time as he 'can't relax' when I'm driving, and to the honest, it's just easier for me to leave him to it and then I get a chance to relax/day dream/look at phone myself. When I do drive he is constantly on edge and comments, grrrr! He clearly thinks he is a much better driver.

With my parents, it's the same. Dad always drives. Even if they are in Mum's car.

OP posts:
Eminybob · 27/03/2016 09:29

Me. We only have one car and it's technically mine. DP hates driving.
He only started driving when I was pregnant so he could take me to the hospital (he already had a licence but hasn't driven since getting it)
Now he drives once a week to football, if he needs to go to the tip, if he needs to take/pick up DS from somewhere and I am physically unable to, or if I guilt him into driving to an event for once so I can have a drink.

RoseDeWittBukater · 27/03/2016 09:35

DH only recently passed his test so until recently it was 100% me. Since he's passed he's driven more but I hate it. I am actually a much better driver and I don't know how he passed. Confused

Msqueen33 · 27/03/2016 09:36

DH when we all go out together as he's a pain in the ass when I drive (I'm not the person who hit a deer). Plus I navigate better. He's quite arrogant so it's just easier for him to drive though his constant observations on traffic and lane hogging when we go out is almost enough for me to suggest taking two cars.

LikeSilver · 27/03/2016 09:36

I do 100% of the driving because DH can't drive. Sometimes this irritates me, but he has somehow managed to fail six tests, so I know if he passed and was driving and I was a passenger I wouldn't be able to relax anyway.

Abecedario · 27/03/2016 09:36

Tends to be he drives in his car I drive mine. I've got a mini and he finds the pedals too close together, his is automatic which I don't like.

I don't mind driving but find it more relaxing if I don't have to. He also can't resist commenting/ pointing out things I'm already perfectly aware of, or messing with the heater/ radio /whatever settings, so if I want to arrive at our destination without the urge to kill him it's easier to let him drive.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 27/03/2016 09:40

It's mostly me. He doesn't really like driving but I do.

He occasionally does a bit of backseat driving. Which I find beyond annoying (and I do tell him to stop or I will pull over and he can drive).

pinkmagic1 · 27/03/2016 09:42

I think it is a feminist issue Ninja. Was just talking to someone the other day about how it always seems to be the men doing the driving in many relationships, even when the women is a perfectly capable driver. Just take a look around and you will see what I mean. Why do you think this is? Is driving seen a a masculine activity?

weegiemum · 27/03/2016 09:42

Dh. I'm medically unfit to drive.

ShowOfHands · 27/03/2016 09:43

Me. Should be 50/50 but DH falls asleep within 20 minutes of sitting in the car. So I spend the whole time prodding him awake and then taking over because he's dangerous.

When he's the passenger he's used to "helping" as he's a copper and the passenger always provides extra eyes. He does it to everybody. I get sick of his "clear left" interjections. I know he does it to everybody but ffs I KNOW. I'm not driving at speed chasing a criminal; I'm turning right in a sleepy, deserted suburb.

ShowOfHands · 27/03/2016 09:49

If I go anywhere with my brother he drives because he likes to. He likes running on about pistons and coils and cornering and I like to read. If he needs his plumbing done or his kettle rewired, I do it because I like DIY and electrics so he'll get on with his knitting. It's not a feminist issue but a personal interest thing here.

peggyundercrackers · 27/03/2016 10:20

It depends who's car we take - if we take my car I drive and if we take DHs car he drives. We don't generally swap cars either.

Muskateersmummy · 27/03/2016 10:21

Dh as he gets free fuel and I'm not allowed to drive his works car. Makes no sense to use mine. And until recently I was a sales rep so after spending all week in the car driving the last thing I want to do on holiday or at the weekend is drive!

insancerre · 27/03/2016 10:23

Dh
Because I can't drive

treaclesoda · 27/03/2016 10:23

Mostly dh although for years it was me as I liked driving and he didn't. Now he has grown to like it and I have grown to like being a passenger so he mostly drives. Works for us.

peggyundercrackers · 27/03/2016 10:25

Most of my friends, mum etc. Don't like driving, they are really nervous drivers so no I don't see it as a feminist issue or about masculinity.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 27/03/2016 10:28

100% me because DH can't drive.
I absolutely hate being responsible for it all, and if he doesn't pass his test and take his share I'll be thinking about leaving.

Because it's not just the driving, it's everything that comes with it.

Shopping, school runs, clubs, emergencies. All falls under me because he can't drive.

Original poster
KP86 · 27/03/2016 10:29

The reason I asked is because most of the time if I'm walking around and see a couple in a car it's the man driving. And I was wondering if it was a throw back to dominant-male type behaviour.

Clearly our relationship isn't representative based on this thread!

DH isn't dominant at home at all (in fact, everyone would say I 'wear the pants'.

OP posts:
IGIG · 27/03/2016 10:30

DP likes to drive so I let him. I don't mind driving. DP prefers to be in control and I don't mind if I get snooze time so works well.
And I trust DP, if he's in no state to drive / too tired he would ask me.

patientzero · 27/03/2016 10:36

We both drive our own cars. Tend to use DPs if we go out as a family as its bigger. We also try not to swap cars as adjusting the seats and mirrors are a complete pain for me and I always forget that he leaves his car in gear.

I only passed my test a couple of years ago whereas DP has been driving 15 years so it's taken me some time to build up the confidence to do longer journeys and I still need to take more breaks than DP.

Definitely not a feminist issue in our house

milkysmum · 27/03/2016 10:37

Me. 99% of the time. I hate other people driving- I become convinced we will crash and die on the journey if I'm not behind the wheel- I'm not even the best driver in the world so it makes so sense logically!😳

LaurieFairyCake · 27/03/2016 10:37

Me (the woman). I'm really controlling, can't relax with someone else driving. And I'm the better driver.

HemlockStarglimmer · 27/03/2016 10:44

Probably 70:30 me:him. He likes being driven, I like driving. But I usually make him do the last bit of any long journey because I'm knackered by then and I'm crap at parking Blush

Roussette · 27/03/2016 10:45

If we're both in the car, DH drives because I prefer that, especially long journeys. He finds 5 hour drives "relaxing", can't say I do! If I said "I'll drive today", he'd be fine with that, occasionally I do!

Can't see as it's a feminist issue, surely couples suit themselves?

fourage · 27/03/2016 10:46

Not a feminist issue in our relationship.
My OH does 99% of the driving. We both have cars, but I find driving a real bore, OH enjoys it.
I like to be a passenger as I can do other things, watch the view, use my phone etc.

PennyHasNoSurname · 27/03/2016 10:47

My dad always drives and he is a real backseat driver with my mum but he will happily be a passenger with me.

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