Feminist Pub XVIII, in which the Bluestocking greets the first signs of spring with a glass of something soothing

[PuffinsAreFictitious]

Just starting this one as the last is nearly full

I certainly get what you mean about feeling needy, Petula. Because of my various social issues, I only have three RL friends and various acquaintances. I can't keep up superficial friendships; it's just too much hard work unless I really bond with someone on a deeper level, and that has only happened with my three friends. But I'm also very aware that while I only have these three friends who mean more to me than I can ever express, to them, I'm just another friend, albeit it a very good one, in a huge social circle. So there will always be this power imbalance that I need them way more than they need me.

When it comes to social media though - people I don't have to interact with in RL - I have loads of people I would consider genuine friends - many of you included. It's so much easier for me to conduct friendships online because it's a measured interaction with temporal spacing I can cope with, rather than the instantaneousness of RL contact, where I often can't keep up.

It's very hard to separate nature from nurture isn't it. I can definitely relate to the performativity thing - I copy behaviours I've seen other people use successfully in certain circumstances, I don't have any instinctive feel for what to do. But now i watch DD (14 months) and she's doing exactly the same thing. Just in a really obvious toddler-ish way, and at the same time as she finds out how the physical world works (eg pull on toilet roll, get satisfying pile of paper on floor). So maybe that's just how people learn how to interact?

I think the spectrum end of NT definitely describes me as well, but I've no idea if that means I'm permanently hindered - the brain is plastic apparently but I don't feel socially more comfortable than I did as a child! It's a looooong journey.

I don't know? Is it real once you learn by copying behaviour or is it so indistinguishable from real that it's effectively real? I don't know how it feels to be inside the brain of a socially confident person

It's so much easier for me to conduct friendships online because it's a measured interaction with temporal spacing I can cope with, rather than the instantaneousness of RL contact

Yes me too. I hate being cornered in meetings at work, I like pre-read and decision sent later by email. I freeze or react oddly if I'm put on the spot irl, I much prefer electronic communication.

I've been unemployed for a few months now so I've had lots of lovely alone time at home - it's been fantastic. But now that we've moved, DH is working from home and it's awful! I love the man deeply but I'd rather be by myself. Luckily he gets this and (I think) isn't hurt by my occasionally not wanting him around. But on Wednesdays he goes into work. I love Wednesdays! But I also can't wait to start work. I find work interactions much easier because they're more about work than social stuff. Work I understand. And it's also easier to shut yourself away into your work when you need alone time.

Sisters

If it helps, y'all come across as extremely personable, smart and engaging on here.

(And I don't have to perform socialisation, though I do perform self belief.)

Oh, I haven't been away, I've been in disguise, in my furs and cap

Was that you in the underwear yonic? (Attempt at being cryptic.)

Yup!

Just pulling up a chair.

Today, I want to kill all the men.

Except the nice man at the greengrocer's. And the one who sells me milk. And the bloke who writes lovely feministy blogs. And my brother.

Damn.

I can't kill all the men.

But, oh, wow, today I really could want to.

Oh, and DrTwo and any other men on this thread. Seems a bit rude to leave them out.

i think you would all find me a nightmare in RL!

I heartily doubt it. Everyone I've met from here has been truly lovely. The type of person I'd gravitate to anyway, I suspect you're the same.

Well, for starters, I wrote a ranty post them lost it. But, basically, the news today.

A medic thinks that toddlers need 'therapy' to make them into the 'correct' gender, if they like playing with opposite-gender toys. In case they should grow up to be trans or (shock!) feminists, or just normal people who played with all sorts of toys as children.

This idiot thinks that schoolgirls should have older boys assess how attractive their bodies are, because obviously that will be brilliant for their self esteem. As will his claim that (woo-hoo) body fat is good because men like it! Oh joy!

I just saw this link, about this poor woman who feels as if she can't figure out her own sexual/gender identity because even supposedly supportive communities make her feel judged.

And there's this idiotic and offensive idea about reclassifying piercings as a form of FGM. Which doesn't trivialize the real issue at all.

Oh, and I am increasingly convinced that fiction is actually a strategy for convincing men to invade and appropriate women's emotions, bodies and experiences and to call this activity 'empathy'.

I'm in a really happy place.

Item four on that list: people do realise the M stands for mutilation, don't they? Not modification? They are so very much not the same thing at all.

We have people who are good at CVs here, right? Can someone explain the bit where you waffle on and sell yourself? I seem to be having trouble comprehending what one is actually supposed to write there.

I've no idea what people realize, stormy, I can well believe people confuse those too. I've got a low opinion of human intelligence today.

I'm not that good at CVs, but is it for a specific job? I usually do the 'And my experience in [x] gives me ideal skills for [requirement y on the job spec' approach. If you can use the structure they've given you on the job spec, it is less painful.

jeanne, in that blog this "It seems safer in and out of the queer community to be attracted to men" is such a scary thing to realise

re the piercings, it seems sensible to take "every precaution to record genital piercings that have been done within an abusive context" (as DoH is quoted saying in the article). but the WHO does not separate consensual piercings (see type IV here www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/fgm/overview/en/), unless they do not classify consensual piercings as "harmful procedures" so the distinction is implicit?

either way, it would be entirely ridiculous and trivialising to include consensual piercings in the classification FGM

I'm not good at CVs either. I have been working at the same place since 1995 (wow just realized I have a big anniversary coming up) and so haven't really had to sell myself.

Speaking of which, could I ask for some good vibes and maybe some pom pom waving because I have a huge deadline at work and am way behind. It's not that hard a project but I've spent way too much time on research and not enough on writing and now it's major crunch time.

On the random good news front, it's spring time here in Florida (finally) and the Presbyterian Church (USA) has changed its constitution to recognize same-sex marriage.

Just seen something about the FGM thing on fb. Someone made reference in the comments to "female body-ists" because, he said, he didn't want to use feminist as a pejorative term. WTF?

No job spec, it's a job way down at the unskilled end of the labour market. The sort a badly-trained monkey could manage. My applicable skills are: I can say hello; I can press buttons; I can put things in a bag. Relevant experience: I have in the past pressed many buttons and filled a great deal of bags. Really miss the days when one got a job by walking into somewhere and asking for one.

stormy it sounds customer-facing? can you talk about being enjoying assisting customers, resolving problems and queries, being an effective and trusted point of contact? (i'm not very good at CVs etc but have done a couple recently)