What do men think feminists should be focusing their energies on?

[PetulaGordino]

It's pretty clear that there are many men with constructive criticism to offer feminists in terms of what feminist issues they should be focusing their energies, activism and outrage on.

This vital advice is at risk of being lost, spread as it is among myriad threads in this section. Perhaps it would be a good idea to collect it together into one thread, for ongoing reference when posters in this section consider their feminist activities and whether they are really focusing on the right issues.

Obviously it should be borne in mind that feminists are only able to focus strictly on one topic at a time in terms of activism and outrage, so don't overload us with too many issues at once!

"Sorry if someone's said this, but two related issues that I often get told are 'trivial' and 'aren't there more important things to worry about?'

• changing your name after marriage (with special reference to the threads on here where MILs send Christmas cards to 'Mr and Mrs Husband's surname')

• wanting your title to be Ms."

You must live a charmed life to be concerned about such insignificant folly. What's wrong with being called Mrs or Miss? It's been that way for centuries with no problems.

As an act of respect to your husband, it would be kind to take his name like any other normal wife. No offensive but it's rather disrespectful to him and his family to refuse. Does he have an unfortunate second name like "Balls" or "Cockaday" that you're ashamed to take as your own?

*No offence

Because my marital status is nobody's business magnetic.

And it's not disrespectful to the woman's family to lose her name?

There a man has spoken on an issue. Take note ladies.

What women are called is of no importance, whether it's their actual name or not.

I suppose to people who call all women "love", that seems quite reasonable.

What about the lesbians though? If he doesn't know what to call them, maybe he won't talk to them. A WIN for lesbians everywhere

And because the equivalent male title doesn't show whether a man is married or not so why should mine?

This thread is amaaazing.

Has anyone mentioned men-only golf and social clubs yet? Because why would it matter that the people who run the country, the economy and public services socialise and discuss ideas only with other men?

Thank goodness I was never a 'normal wife'.

Tell me, mag, given roughly 90% of feminists are academics*, do you think we should all give up being 'Dr' as an act of respect to our husbands, too?

*This isn't true. It is one of those made up feminist statistics.

"And it's not disrespectful to the woman's family to lose her name?"

No. It's a harmless tradition.

Lol @ "no offence" after calling women on the thread "abnormal" if they don't call themselves Mrs MansFirstName MansLastName.

TBH after the whole flamboyant gays debacle I'm not sure there's much offence left to be taken.

Why do you get to decide what is harmless and what is not? Is it because of your magical Penis Of Importance?

I think it is safe to say that Magnetic is not a feminist

Yet he persists in telling self-identified feminists on the feminist section of a mainly female website what they should be troubled about.

Superb

My dp, being the enlightened feminist that he is, insisted on double barreling our DSes names because he wanted my name and culture reflected equally in their names. He also has no problems with me keeping my name if we ever decide to get married (unlikely)

Magnetic, it was me who made those comments.

What husband?

But anyway, I don't think I'll reply to the rest of your comments because I strongly suspect you're a wind-up merchant.

In fact I hope you are. The alternative possibility is a bit scary.

You can't go around labelling people not feminist, sardine. Where's your sense of womanly inferiority?

You must live a charmed life to be concerned about such insignificant folly. What's wrong with being called Mrs or Miss? It's been that way for centuries with no problems.

Alright cunt? Glad you're still here. Can I assume you have an incredibly charmed life as you have the time to get annoyed about other people talking about things that don't interest you?

As an act of respect to your husband, it would be kind to take his name like any other normal wife. No offensive but it's rather disrespectful to him and his family to refuse. Does he have an unfortunate second name like "Balls" or "Cockaday" that you're ashamed to take as your own?

Did you take your wife's name as a mark of respect?

Well if it's so harmless and trivial, then it really doesn't matter if I do or don't take DP's name.

I won't be by the way, I'm a grown woman, I've had my name a long time, and will not be mucking about changing it or my title for what is apparently nothing more than a harmless tradition.

If you really want to choke on your tea, I'm deed polling my second son's name to match mine too, both because I regret not registering him with my name, and because I think it will sound lovely - but I'm guessing it would also be trivial to be upset that I don't have equal rights when it comes to renaming my child (I could switch from mine to DPs, and get a new birth certificate - no need to deedpoll at all, but the other way isn't possible)

Maybe I should come clean and say that in fact, MY own surname is Cockaday-Balls.

No way am I giving up that mutha.

"It's been that way for centuries" - wow, a winning argument. Just stop going on about slavery, William Wilberforce, it's been around ages.

Also, really hasn't been that way for centuries, you know.

A theory of toxic femininity that allowed for a degree of female agency would be interesting.

What does this mean in the context of feminism? Nothing.

Perhaps a bit of emphasis of making the public face of the movement appear more inclusive for women who do not conform to either traditional gender roles or feminist gender roles - there's a lot of women falling through the gaps (or being excluded with a genuinely baffling hostility).

Feminists generally do not accept gender roles. Another meaningless statement.

A hell of a lot more policing of it's more radical elements would probably be beneficial too. There's an awful lot of 'unpersoning' which seems to go unchallenged.

Unpersoning? What a crock.

Unpersoning flora. You know when you don't accept being a woman is literally down to the clothes you wear.

I've given up trying to talk to the hard of thinking and send them here instead, though I do think Magnetic, the cheating little sweetie pie, is getting his arguments from here

"Normal wife".

You should be concentrating on ManFlu to be honest and the knock on effects of kleenex/toilet paper etc shortage on the planet and the carbon offsetting required, I mean its all about the future generations.....

To me often the bashing just seems like attacking women because they have made an effort to improve their counterparts lives and instead of channeling that into something constructive (not like idiots like Paul Elam) just troll the guilt of their inactivity by derailing or bringing in some crazy quotes from some women in America.

I find it worrying why women feel they are excluded by feminism.