Feminist Pub X: Regulars and new faces welcome, consciousness raising is a possibility.

[CaptChaos]

The old pub now has less than 10 posts to go, so I thought I'd start a new one. The old one can be found here

This is a place for feminist pom pom waving and talking about stuff which might not need a thread for itself.

Fill your boots.

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

Now I want to know where you both live! Everyone seems to be London, Cambridge or somewhere I thought was very far north from me. Wish I knew some local feminists!

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

Yes, I am conscious of not outing anyone. Will PM you. I don't think you're near me, but you never know...

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

Just re-read my post. I meant I wanted to know where you live in an "oooh, I want to know now" way, not a passive aggressive request that you both reveal all. Phrasing not my strong point tonight.

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

No body lives near me.

[PenguinsIsSleepDeprived]

Yes, I am too. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands...

I also try and avoid telling stories on here and on Facebook (like funny things the kids have done) in case people connect the two. Sometimes I have to choose and choose to tell MN. I suspect that is A Sign that I spend too much time on here. I had to name change about 12 months ago because I got outed through a cock up with PMs (don't know if they fixed it, but someone PMed me under my local user name, which is utterly publicly linkable to me, I replied from my phone and it used my main name without telling me it would do that).

[scallopsrgreat]

Thanks for deleting the post! I realised it was a bit too much info or it wouldn't take a lot to work it out anyway!

Sorry about that. Should have PMd. I got over excited .

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

^yup. Had to NC after a very identifiable thread made it to the talk round up and Facebook, whole retrospective NC (which MNHQ) were very helpful with. I had put pictures on the thread and everything because I. Am. An. Idiot.

[Zazzles007]

Ah Hoppy, it is worth preserving your anonymity on the 'net. And no one lives near me, I am quite sure of that, as I am on a different continent .

On the Oscar P thing:

The International Paralympic Committee has already said he could resume his career once he has served any sentence, describing him as “a fundamental ambassador of the Paralympic movement”.

I think the Paralympic Committee needs to reconsider their definition or standards for 'a fundamental ambassador' to exclude men who are thought of as murdering, rageaholic, gun-loving arseholes. I wonder how their PR department is going to spin that. I, for one, used to be a fan of OP's, until I heard the news of his murdering of Reeva. But now, I would not support anyone or any organisation who supports him.

[PetulaGordino]

Can you not sleep either zazzles or are you in forrin parts?

[Zazzles007]

Haha Petula, I is in forrin-land .

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

We've nearly filled another pub!

[Zazzles007]

There is a woman on the Relationships board whose new husband won't cook, or clean, and has cut his hours from full time to 3 days as week as she is now living there and pays half the bills. She is asking for help on how she can get him to cook and clean more. She's asking the wrong questions - she should be asking herself why she values herself so little as to legally bind herself to such a man-child .

[AnnieLobeseder]

Aw, but she probably loves him, Zazzles, and he's a nice guy most of the time.

I absolutely despair at how little value women seem to place on themselves.

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

I read that too; I was too depressed to comment!

[AnnieLobeseder]

Just read the thread, and her previous thread. She was resoundingly advised not to marry him because he obviously didn't give shit about her. She went ahead anyway, and surprise surprise, he still doesn't give a shit about her.

[vezzie]

Good morning.

Still working on integrating different parts of me: feeling energised and challenged by attending an industry event "as myself" (sober, and with much of my own personality intact)

Came in this morning and spoke to two men at my work about how the lifetime achievement award, in a very woman-heavy industry at mid to low/senior levels, ALWAYS (has literally never not) goes to a man.

One of them got it.

The other (the very senior one) said "yebbut, [industry] is not a sexist industry. There are a lot of women in [industry]"

I said, "yes! So isn't it interesting that they don't get recognised in awards like that?"

I watched the cogs turn. I stood there and watched him think about that. He had never, ever, questioned the discrepancy between women, all over the place, doing the work; and their lack of recognition in certain ways; and, I swear, I SAW him attempting to rationalise it - I SAW him trying to come up with the snappy reason about why it's actually for some very logical reason.

Fascinating, watching the privileged mind in action; watching someone think about something they have NEVER thought about before, and their instinct being to go for it being, somehow, all ok and fair really.

Also interesting how worried and anxious I feel now about how I made him do that, and what effect this will have on his attitude to me.

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Vezzie, that's brilliant!

My industry dinner next week has a "best woman in X" and a "best man in X" award. There will also be oodles of other award categories. I wonder how many women will win those.

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Can't read relationships much, it's just so depressing (I know how that sounds, but it is), the one about the husband suggesting a suicide pact had me banging my head against a keyboard.

[PetulaGordino]

the relationships board never fails to remind me why i'm a feminist

[PetulaGordino]

did he respond at all after that vezzie, or are the cogs still turning?

[vezzie]

Petula - long ago, before time began (whirling mists over craggy landscapes, sounds of uilleann pipes) I was inclined to oppose the existence of a FWR section on mn - because I thought the correct answer to 97.456056% of the OPs on "relationships" was basically a kind, nuanced articulation of "get some feminism". I was afraid that creating a specific topic was sort of making feminism a hobbyist niche interest, instead of a more general and universally available tool for everyone on mumsnet. Now I think I was wrong.

Erm, he made a joke like "quite right too" or something. Then "I am being funny, enjoying the irony" and the other man said, "I'd leave it there if I were you."

Background information: "I'd leave it there" man is, I think, 36.
The "ha ha quite right too" man is, I think, 44.

Is that a good sign? Does this 8 year age difference mark a progression of attitudes?

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