The Feminist Pub - come on in, chat, ask a quick question, ramble ... whatever you like!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Hello and welcome! Pull up a chair!

This thread started when we all decided to imagine what the perfect local for feminists would be like. So far, it has taps with plenty of good real ale, and some decent non-alcoholic alternatives too. There are comfy chairs and there's a feminist film night, as well as lots of nice feminist-friendly books on the shelves and space to curl up and read. The open-mic nights are attracting feminist singers and comedians, and we're just sorting out the feminist creche.

Old thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1875250-The-Feminist-Pub-is-Open-Chat-Rant-or-pull-up-a-chair-here. But don't feel you need to read or catch up - just jump in.

I'm having a nice cup of earl grey but there is wine mulling as requested.

What can I get anyone?

"Count One's Blessings" can mean so many different things.

It makes you feel horrible when it is used to mean shut up; also, as Amanda pointed out, why would I feel better thinking about the horrible lot that others have? What sort of twisted schadenfreudist would I have to be, to be rejoicing that mothers in Africa carry water for miles on their heads?

I think it should be banned as a positive phrase because the good that you can get out of this habit is the opposite of an attitude of "counting". I wish there were a phrase like "sit with your blessings" or "dwell upon your blessings" or "bless your blessings". If I want to feel lucky, I can - I am lucky - I can open my heart to a gratefulness of all the good that has been given to me - and it makes me feel good, and generous, and happy. But this is the opposite of counting, of running grubby fingers over savings like a jealous Gollum, because it is a matter of quality, not quantity, of appreciation; and because all counting is relative, while (as Paul said) there will always be those who have "more" as well as "less" so don't go that way as it will trip you up if you are in county mood.

Count your blessings is also the go-to when a woman has a traumatic birth.

My recent birth was very distressing for me and DH. I had flashbacks for a few weeks and we both would cry a lot thinking about what happened.

It's been impossible to get past a couple of seconds of opening up about it to anyone because it's always cut off with, "well he's here now and he's fine so put it behind you and enjoy your baby."

I'm sidling in for an enormous lunch I don't need and a grumpy glower in the corner with the sports page.

And have you seen that thread in Media requests asking for MNers to talk about sex threads to the Telegraph? Made me gnash my teeth.

Eldrich I did, asking to talk about all the "steamy sex threads" on here

But she looks like she's narrowly avoided the pasting Tom Peck recieved and has decided not to do the story.

I've just been out to get a pumpkin and come back with an enormous swede instead because I'd left it too late.
Am going to have a retro Halloween....

I feel a bit funny about counting blessings. I do it all the time when I'm fed up with the drudgery of cleaning up the 4th toddler wee accident that day and sternly remind myself that the women who had to deal with all that stuff AND cope with poverty/illness/war would have loved my safe, peaceful life. Sometimes I get sidetracked into demonstrating hot running water to imaginary medieval people, which does tend to cheer me up a bit. But somehow the whole thing feels uncomfortably masochistic: you must teach yourself to love your chains!

Im in a pint of Guinness mood today please LDR.

And I'm grabbing the armchair by the fire.

"Sometimes I get sidetracked into demonstrating hot running water to imaginary medieval people" And this is one of the many reasons I come on this section . I'd love to be that medieval person. Can you imagine?

= mediaeval peasants being demonstrated hot running water

LOL Mooncup.
You mean not everybody does this?

Bunnylion I hear you. Sorry you had a difficult birth.

Afternoon all, I always miss the start of these threads too, so marking place too.

Count your blessings is too often a 'shut up' mechanism, it seems to me. I mean arguably slaves could have counted their blessings-they got food and shelter provided, conversion to Christianity and everything!

Why should we count our blessings? Serious question.

I'm not a fan of 'count your blessings' as it's often used by people who don't want to understand or even listen, but I do think sometimes we should stop and just appreciate 'stuff', Free stuff at that, which could be 'blessings' as aversed to capital gains

Bunnylion, I'm so sorry you had such a tough time. Would it help to point out to your friends and relatives that they are cutting you off and not hearing you?

I got so sick of people telling me it was great that my crippling spd wasn't hurting my baby. Yes of course I'd take that over anything that would've harmed him but fuck off all the same, please, it's still shit.

As for counting blessings, I think mindfulness is more helpful, eg concentrating on your breath to meditate a minute and detach from and observe your emotions.

Mini rant for a liposuction ad on radio.

Male voice telling ladies to come to this hospital to get rid of ugly fat around their butts hips and belly

Repeats ugly at least 3 times.

Woman hating misogyny at its shittest.

Cooking dinner, back later

Hi. Pint of orange and soda please. Mostly lurking as have rubbish intrrnet connection but the kids are watching a film and required me to sit with them.

Bunnylion I'm sorry to hear about your difficult birth. I remember you going into labour after some heroic efforts on a thread we were on. I find people in general are very uncomfortable talking about traumatic births and I agree that "count your blessings" can make it feel like the trauma was not important. I hope things get better.

oops sorry for not saying hi.

I'm on my second glass of red. In my defence, I got soaked to the skin at the school gates, dived in a bath when I got home, and read an interesting article in grazia about that ruby the baking woman off telly... need to dig out the piece she wrote for the guardian was it??

Oh bunnylion, I hope you're making peace with it now & finding it easier to deal with. Agree, women are expected to get on with it. Would we say to someone who had been in a terrible accident... Not to worry, you're still here! Look on the bright side... No, we wouldn't.