The Feminist Pub - come on in, chat, ask a quick question, ramble ... whatever you like!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Hello and welcome! Pull up a chair!

This thread started when we all decided to imagine what the perfect local for feminists would be like. So far, it has taps with plenty of good real ale, and some decent non-alcoholic alternatives too. There are comfy chairs and there's a feminist film night, as well as lots of nice feminist-friendly books on the shelves and space to curl up and read. The open-mic nights are attracting feminist singers and comedians, and we're just sorting out the feminist creche.

Old thread is here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1875250-The-Feminist-Pub-is-Open-Chat-Rant-or-pull-up-a-chair-here. But don't feel you need to read or catch up - just jump in.

I'm having a nice cup of earl grey but there is wine mulling as requested.

What can I get anyone?

That's really interesting about "inadequate mother" replacing "inadequate Christian"

and also (last thread) about not thinking "am I a good daughter/sister/friend?" ever, whilst I wonder if I am a good wife/mother an awful lot.

I think the "choice" part has a lot to do with it.

Bunny

Even in a straightforward birth, it seems the mother who had just gone through 12 hours of pain, has some stitches and hasn't slept for 36 hours is minimised compared to the baby (people insisting they visit etc)

I'd like the slouchy sofa by the window, just close enough to the fire, but not too close, thus avoiding 'tinkers tartan' or 'corned beef legs'

Also means I can discreetly dose off in a bit, when the 5am start catches up with me...

Buffy, choosing to think about good things is the opposite of being told to shut up by someone else. My mother is Cleopatra in the Queen of Denial sense and can't bear it when people say things like, "is that a great big elephant in the middle of the room?" "no, and I can't smell elephant shit and at least it isn't cat shit and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS"

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/oct/22/great-british-bake-off-ruby-dandoh?CMP=twt_gu

Ideas on here, Joyful

F word

Hello all :)

Bunny, if or when you feel ready some people find a debrief with a specially trained midwife (most hospitals have them) can be really beneficial.

A pint of red wine for me please

Kids are in bed. Mine's a large red. Actually I fancy a hot chocolate first then a glass of red. If you could just stack them up that'd be loverly!

Bunny we had a thread a few years ago about traumatic births in FWR especially in relation to a woman's bodily autonomy. It was a real eye-opener and in some places heart-breaking. It might be worth a read once you get to the stage where you want solidarity or to know you aren't alone (in a non-"count your blessings"-way). Mind you if I remember correctly larry trampled all over it too in a definite "count your blessings" way! I'll see if I can find it and check it out.

I've also heard people say good things about a debrief as Yoni suggests. Sorry you had to go through that. Pregnancy and giving birth is such a massive risk for women and so minimised and dismissed. Tis the old patriarchy in action.

I hadn't seen that stickysausages. That was a really good article. Thanks

Can I have a treble g&t with ice and lemon (none of that newfangled lime business) please? It's been a long day. Am still reading the books recommended on the last thread and doing lots of thinking. Have noticed I am starting to challenge things people just unthinkingly say eg anything that starts or ends with because he/she is a girl/boy. No, I do not think that the problem DS1 had yesterday was anything to do with the fact he was the only boy in a group of girls so they didn't 'get his boy way of thinking'. Nor do I think DD should stop playing rugby because she's a girl and 'her face might get hurt'.

On a completely different note, have just finished making DD's Halloween costume and it is awesome. Exceedingly proud of myself.

Spill. what is the costume?

Ahem. It is a headless ghost. Might be a tad scary for the little ones though I am scared of the face and don't want to go and make a cup of tea because it's looking at me with its freaky button eyes

Cool. it sounds like it would scare my two (4 & 2). Presume she is a bit older. Have fun.

Glass of shiraz here, waiting for roast dinner to, erm, roast.

Bunny I'm so sorry about your shit birth. I had a straightforward birth and was properly spooked by it still. It was good but...It was the strangest fucking thing that's ever happened to me, giving birth. I had flashbacks to it for 3 weeks afterwards and some of the scariest (hormone-fuelled?) dreams I've ever had. And that's with a good birth, like I said. It seems to me that childbirth, even when all goes well, is just one of the most intense experiences a person can ever go through...second only to death I assume!? How are you doing now?

On a lighter note - DH put Mary Poppins on the other day for little DD (she really is much too little for it) and I had completely forgotten how it starts, with . Mrs. Banks has to quickly tear off her sash though once her husband's on his way home -- 'you know how Mr. Banks hates the cause!' And then Mr. Banks comes in and has his own song about how brilliant his life is because of the patriarchy. It really made me laugh.

Haha it sounds great shieking. DH is lovingly preparing DD's mummy (as in Egyptian) costume as I type.

Saw these in a shop recently.. Pink box for her blue for him...and "promotes healthy skin" for girls and "promotes muscle" for him

Well this mom wants her children to be healthy and strong..even the girls. How many teens choose multi vits for themselves.. so they must really think mothers are so worried about keeping their girls pretty and their boys muscly.

www.oneaday.com/teen_advantage.html

From the website.

One A Day Teen Advantage

Did you know there are gender specific teen multivitamins to address the top health concerns of moms and teens?

Healthy muscle function with Magnesium <strong>(for Him)</strong>
Healthy skin with Vitamins A and C, Copper, and Iron <strong>(for Her)</strong>

If I give DD the blue ones will she grow a willy?

Hello!

Nothing useful to say... just checking in ...

(Peers around the door,nervously...decides to come in anyway...)

Hello. I have a lovely glass of red and a log fire. Can I ask I question?

I am a nurse. Can I also be a feminist?

Why couldn't you be a feminist nurse

Welcome.

Well I think I can.... I was told that I couldn't even consider myself a feminist if I had chosen nursing as a career.....I do try though!

Good evening all.

I've lost track of all the drinks orders, but hope they all got to the correct people with speed and efficiency.

bunny, I am so sorry to read your post.

That is a really heartless response you're getting from people.