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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Lapdancing and telling off dh's mate.

365 replies

Manchesterhistorygirl · 02/10/2013 17:41

I blame you lot. Thanks.

Last night dh's friend was telling him all about his recent visit to a lap dancing bar. I told him he and his mates were a bunch of twats and I was disgusted at them all, especially since they all have partners.

I also told dh if I ever found out he'd done the same it'd be the absolute last thing he ever did.

So my nest of vipers, thank you for giving me the confidence to handle a situation I've always found disgusting, but wouldn't have ever spoken out about until I joined here.

OP posts:

Report

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:14

Sab - read it back I've clarified my opinion many times. Before the OP came back I perceived what she said to the husband as abusive. Not the standing up part. Not the boundary setting. But the part about 'the last thing you do'. I saw it as abuse aimed at controlling.

But you already new that.

Since the OP came back. I apologised and I don't think it was abuse in this context.

But you knew that.

PainInTheBum · 04/10/2013 02:15

I felt awful when I read this thread as I realised I'd been horribly abusive at home by threatening the removal of bollocks due to not putting the seat down/or not putting it up. I thought I was taking the piss and now understand how horrendous my behaviour was and promise to keep my silly little opinions to myself. I'm practising my tinkly laugh and boys will be boys head tilt.

A big thanks to those who posted pictures of kittens, little fluffy kittens so help to remind me of my place in the world. What would Hubby have thought if he'd known what silly thoughts I'd had .

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:17

Pain - it doesn't make sense because you knew the context of your comments.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 02:26

And so did the OP, bale.

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:30

Sab - I know that is why she came back and clarified. Up until then it was opinion based.

The OP didn't post that she thought she was abusive because she already new.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 02:33

*knew

She didn't say anything that 'clarified' bale - you've just backed down because you realised how silly you looked calling her 'abusive'.

DropYourSword · 04/10/2013 02:35

Hmmmm. If this was switched round, and a husband had told off his wife and her friends and had said to her if he found out she'd done something like this it'd be the absolute last thing she ever did, and the wife came on here and posted about it then mumsnet would be up in arms, giving her sympathy and telling her he was controlling, abusive and to LTB !

I really believe in equality, I just don't believe in going about it like this.

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:36

Sab - she did. She explained the interpretation of the phrase. You must have seen it. I don't get you, you are a mischief maker

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 02:36

I really believe those that believe in equality wouldn't set foot in a lap dancing club.

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:40

Sab the post where OP clarifies is:

Manchesterhistorygirl Thu 03-Oct-13 22:08:03.

Night

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 02:44

No, bale. that's the OP being fabulous and magnanimous. Not you actually taking back what you said. Why don't you own it?

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:47

How can I take something back in her post?

I think again I'm going to have to have a different interpretation of a post to you.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 02:53

Obviously you can't take something back in her post

Would you like to take anything back from yours? Or do you still think she's abusive?

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 02:57

Sab - read it back I've clarified my opinion many times. Before the OP came back I perceived what she said to the husband as abusive. Not the standing up part. Not the boundary setting. But the part about 'the last thing you do'. I saw it as abuse aimed at controlling.

But you already knew that.

Since the OP came back. I apologised and I don't think it was abuse in this context.

But you knew that.

I've pasted a previous post. You can read it again. You are saying the same thing.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 03:02

So you've apologised and admitted the op wasn't abusive then. Good.

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 03:05

That was about 3 pages ago. You said, from memory, something like 'you don't get to apologise'.

You should sleep, recharge the brain.

I've got RSI (the S does stand for strain), good night

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 03:10

I said you don't get to apologise and still call the OP abusive, which is what you did.

I just want you to categorically to say that you don't still think the Op abusive - because I'm still not clear.

FloraFox · 04/10/2013 03:12

sab said you don't get to apologise and claim you were right. It was obvious to everyone except you bale what context was. The OP didn't need to clarify. You were in the wrong even before she clarified.

Why am I left with the feeling that it was because the other men on the thread told you to grow up that you had a sudden change of half-heart?

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 03:14

I don't, I miss interpreted it. As I said before.

If the OP had meant it as a threat. Would that have been abusive? (Hypothetically)

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 03:17

Flora I apologised for my interpretation. I don't know who are guys on here. I changed my view when the OP clarified.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 03:20

Yeah flora - that was my thought too. Baley, You don't get to apologise and still be 'right'. If you changed your view you will admit you were wrong to call the op abusive.

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 03:22

What is your answer to the hypothetical question?

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FloraFox · 04/10/2013 03:30

Changing the subject much?

Perception is obviously not your strong point, as evidenced by your inability to grasp the frankly fucking obvious tenor of the OP's statement and your inability to identify the male posters. I suggest you take this as a learning experience and post with caution in future or fuck off altogether .

Yougotbale · 04/10/2013 03:32

What was it about my reply to you that changed the subject?

Flora I apologised for my interpretation. I don't know who are guys on here. I changed my view when the OP clarified.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 04/10/2013 03:35

The OP clearly wasn't a threat to anyone with more than a single braincell. So stop trying to make out it's abusive.

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