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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Fifty Shades

159 replies

neveravictim · 23/06/2012 22:09

I know this has been talked about alot but just wanted some advice. As a victim of rape the idea of submissive sex makes me feel very uncomfortable but all my friends are reading this. So do you think it is a book I should read too. Is t really about women's empowerment? Have nc btw. Thank you x

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 27/06/2012 19:57

Guys, look at the OP again.

This argument is not for here.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 20:02

I think this particular argument is very relevant here, actually

Guys that hang out on threads where rape is a large part of the subject matter, and post like this one do, need the question to be asked.

I am simply surprised that I am the only one asking it.

And yes, I gave the OP kind and gentle advice aeons ago.

Original poster
neveravictim · 27/06/2012 20:04

Hello. OP here. Thank to all of you that offered advice and support (and also to those that apologised about how this thread has gone). I would love to hide this thread but its a bit like a car carsh and I cant stop looking. Unfortunately, this is not helping me and its getting a bit uncomfortable. To all of those who want to discuss BDSM could I ask you to start your own thread but if anyone wants to offer genuine support I will check in here again. Sorry if this sounds a bit precious but I cant help how I feel. Thank you

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 27/06/2012 20:06

If this thread upsets you I htink its pretty clear you shouldnt read 50 shades OP

CurrySpice · 27/06/2012 20:06

Well AF while you're busy thinking it's relevent, the OP is upset and uncomfortable so why don't you go ask the question elsewhere

MrsMcNulty · 27/06/2012 20:11

neveravictim I am so sorry to hear you are feeling uncomfortable. I have typed up a reply to you a few times and backed out of posting it as I have also been uncomfortable with the way the thread has gone. I think this thread is a good example of what is wrong in the FWR section at the moment.

In response to your earlier posts, I don't think you should worry about not following the herd (flock?!). Many many people have not read this book, and many, myself included, have no intention of doing so. It sounds rubbish.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 20:15

I am not discussing BDSM Curry. If you read my posts on this thread, you will see that I have not. I offered kind support to the OP early on, and am now calling out another poster about why he is here, on this thread.

I would like to stop men like him from posting on vulnerable women's threads completely. I understand I can't do that, not being Boss of MN 'n' all, but I sure can call it when I see it.

I am sorry OP is upset. I would be too if I had shown my vulnerabilty in such a way, and a a creepy person rocked up to discuss it in ever more minute detail. I am on the OP's side, but of course if Im personally upsetting her, I will tactfully withdraw.

WicketyPitch · 27/06/2012 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurrySpice · 27/06/2012 20:33

Anyfucker I knew you would be right of course Hmm

The OP has asked for this thread to just die a death now. I think we should respect that

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 20:55

This is what the FWR topic has come to now ? God help us.

CardgamesFTW · 27/06/2012 21:24

AF I agree with you, about anti-fem guys posting on sensitive threads. Apparently they just think it's sexy fun argument time. I find it very upsetting actually. Dunno what to say when it happens (and it happens a lot) though.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 21:53

Yes, Card it happens a lot.

I am seriously wondering where the rest of the Feminist posters are, because I don't think I am alone in my discomfort here, so thanks for speaking up amongst the tumbleweed. I am sorry you find it upsetting , Card. Some people's bad experiences are some kind of fodder for some people, it would seem

And nobody bats a fucking eyelid.

If the FWR board is being left to the people who "play online" and pop up on threads where the OP is clearly vulnerable and others defend one's right to do that based on the fact he is a man, then this is not the Feminist place I thought it was.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 21:55

Yes, I said I was tactfully withdrawing but I was just so grateful that Card posted what she did, I had to post to her (and for the lurkers)

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 27/06/2012 22:00

Hi AF, I was just posting about the problem on the latest 'what's wrong with the feminists' thread.

I'm not sure they get it. It's one of those - can't quite put my finger on it but know I need a bath - situations.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2012 22:02

thanks, POPG

have a nice soak

CaramelTree · 27/06/2012 22:36

OP, I can't think of any reason why you should read it. Why are you thinking you should? Is it because your friends are talking to you about it, and the conversations are making you uncomfortable? Or are you thinking it might have something worthwhile to say on the subject that you need to read? If so, I don't think it is that kind of book, although I haven't read it.

The impression I get from what I've heard is that it is a book about sexualisation of consent and control issues for entertainment purposes, with a male character who is angst ridden and trying to cover it up. But there doesn't seem to be any proper characterisation of the female character, and is really badly written from the couple of pages I've seen on the Amazon preview.

I can't think how it might be viewed as empowering.

So I can't think of any benefit you might gain from reading it.

solidgoldbrass · 28/06/2012 00:18

OP: I'm sorry as well for diverting the discussion and sorry that you have had a horrible experience in the past. Don't read 50 Shades. It's shit. From any and every viewpoint. It's atrociously written, stupid, overhyped, and frankly I think it is a nasty, meanminded and cynical piece of work. I wish you strength and healing.

icepole · 28/06/2012 03:38

Just to add that I am also a survivor and seeing this book everywhere is making me feel sick. I won't read it and I can't wait for it to disappear.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 28/06/2012 07:26

icepole - Sorry to hear it is making you feel that way - very understandably.

Political views aside, I wish more people would remember that a third of women are raped or seriously sexually assaulted during their life and this book will be upsetting a lot of woman. Like that third, I have been raped too.

MrsMcNulty · 28/06/2012 08:47

I want to add that I feel as you do AnyFucker but was feeling so sick about this thread and what has been going on here that I did not have the stamina to post as you have and challenge it.

This is the very reason I stay away from posting in this section most of the time, and I have made the point a couple of times on the thread Pubes linked to.

Sorry Sad

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 28/06/2012 08:51

I'm sorry I hadn't read the whole thread! AF you are totally right. And I am really glad you called out the poster taking advantage of women on here. Sickening

Molasses · 28/06/2012 09:20

Chair, in your first post on the very first page you write about many women having submission fantasies and "but if the idea of submission seems ridiculous to you".

In response to the OP who explicitly said that as a rape victim the idea of submissive sex makes her uncomfortable.

Not very pleasant (understatement).

solidgoldbrass · 28/06/2012 10:25

Mind you, I would be wary as a general principle of anyone suggesting that books should not be written about nasty subjects because they might upset someone. Almost any fictional theme is likely to be distressing to some people.

QueenOfTheGymBunny74 · 28/06/2012 10:31

I read this review, and made my judgement from it. Loads of ladies at work are talking about it, I don't think I shall bother with it at all.

screencrush.com/50-shades-of-grey-movie/

carernotasaint · 28/06/2012 14:46

Thanks for that link Queen. Thats a good article and it explains why i am staying away from this book too.