Tulisa - wonderful role model

[Lottapianos]

Tulisa is feminism's new hero

I think she's been incredibly brave this week. I can only imagine how mortifying and sickening it must be to think that someone you trusted has put intimate footage of you into the public domain. Full credit to her for refusing to be shamed by this. It's probably too much to hope that he's the one feeling ashamed, but he flipping well should be

But some would claim that that makes me a man-hating, distrustful, cynical misandrist, wouldn't they?

Actually it makes you a woman with common sense and healthy self-protective instincts :)

I think so too.

But that does rather assume that men cannot be trusted.

Which is not a Good Thing to assume, is it?

It's one of those scenarios where the ideal and the reality are so very different. What I mean is that if you film yourself shagging a man or boy, he SHOULD NOT send the footage to his friends or to the newspapers. You should be free to film yourself in as many explicit positions as you please and the man/boy has no right to violate your privacy. However, the reality is that if you allow yourself to be filmed performing sex acts there simply is a very good chance the footage will be made public at some point in the future. Of course it is not fair. But...Again, is it really worth taking that risk?

Is there a "good" chance of that?

Are most men really so untrustworthy?

Really?

I genuinely dn't know

Is there a "good" chance of that?

Given the number of "leaked" sex tapes and explicit pics we hear about (on news, from acquaintances etc) featuring celebrities or just ordinary women and girls, it seems to be not uncommon. I don't know about you but I've had a couple of nasty break-ups in the past. One ex sent me a 5-page letter detailing about all the different ways he felt I'd broken his heart etc and screwed him up. Had he had footage of me naked God only knows whether he might have sent it to your mutual friends or something just to humiliate me. Wouldn't necessarily have put it past him.

Now that I come to think about it, the other angry ex actually does have a naked photo of me. Yikes.

I see Tulisa to be the victim in all this. I don't see her to be a strong, "empowered" woman at all. I feel sad that young girls will now think it's kewl to allow their boyfriends to film them involved in sexual acts, so as to pass the footage around to all their mates. That is not what feminism is all about. Not the way that my mother explained it at least and not the way the article in the Guardian puts it either. At first Tulisa denied this footage was of her, then she tried to gain an injunction removing it from the internet, then the admission which was very poorly scripted indeed and was just sad. If this was indeed a publicity stunt, then she should jettison her management team as they obviously have no faith in her as an artist to have to "use" this sex tape outing to get her song into the charts. I wish I could put my arms around her and hold her tbh. She let her guard down and did something very silly and now the whole world sees it on the internet. I'm not a prude at all, I just feel that true Feminism is being empowered to enjoy sex in a stable, loving, and honest relationship with a man who respects you and loves you for all that you are (your self love, respect and strength of character being one of those). Tulisa did not have the love of a strong father and also has a mother who is unfortunately mentally ill with Schizophrenia but that is still not really a way to explain away why she let a "casual boyfriend" film her giving him a blowjob. Did she honestly think he would not pass it on or show it to others? Would a feminist really allow herself to be portrayed in such a way and willingly submit herself to being filmed having sex or performing head?! I don't see a feminist doing that at all. No. I don't ever want my own daughter to think that Tulisa is a Feminist role model, as that would send out the wrong message altogether. The Journalist who wrote that article should have considered her words more carefully and should have considered the future impact and impression she is now giving to the young feminists of tomorrow.

I agree with every word, Melly

Me too Melly, well said.

My PE teacher at school (who was a feminist) often discussed feminism with me. She said 'keep your self respect and dont let boys use you to brag to their mates'. I dont think much has changed. Young women may be under the illusion that it has but it definitely has not.

'Be a good girl and don't get in to trouble' - is that what you are saying?

Bollocks to that.

Yes, feminism is about self respect and should be about empowering women to have relationships based on mutual respect, but it shouldnt be about about telling other women what they should and shouldnt do sexually, just in case men take advantage.

I dont particularly think Tulisa is a 'role model', but I refuse to blame her for any of this.

I'm sorry, but what a pile of shite that is - as mags put it bollocks to that - if thats really feminism then you can stick it

what has happened here with Tula is little different from all the other kiss & tell stories, be it premiership footballers or whatever, the difference being the toe rag that did this to her was a long term love of hers, a relationship she trusted in, so its going to smart more - but its got bugger all to do with feminism - just another wannabee jumping on the bandwagon & selling his ex down the line for a few bucks - happens all the time, but no-one sees it as something to put Wayne Rooney et al on a pedestal & champion of male rights

The big difference however IS, that Tulisa didn't crumble, but stood up & OWNED it, & turned it around to work in her favour, for that she deserves a pat on the back

& FTR, her Mum does have NH problems, but is not Schizophrenic

'The big difference however IS, that Tulisa didn't crumble, but stood up & OWNED it, & turned it around to work in her favour, for that she deserves a pat on the back'

And that was exactly what I was referring to with the 'role model' label in the OP. I don't think it's a fantastic idea to be filmed performing intimate acts, but as I said upthread, surely the worst you can accuse her of is foolishness. I wouldn't have blamed her for digging a hole and never coming out but she turned and faced the music instead and I celebrate her refusal to be shamed by this.

Well, it NOW emerges in the HIGH COURT no less, that it was actually Tulisa who insisted on filming the "sex act" and the phone it was filmed on belonged to HER!!! Now I get the distinct feeling of "smelling a rat" and this time it seems the lass doth protest too much. All for the sake of publicity. So "foolishness" and "role model" has absolutely nothing to do with this. This isn't about "stood up and OWNED it", this is about making us feel the need to jump to a "sister's" defence and get our own noses rubbed in it when the truth emerges that SHE has orchestrated the entire situation to her own ends.

that's what her ex claimed a few days ago when he attended court and it doesn't matter who suggested filming it, what matters is who released it to the world... the reason it's at the high court is because tulisa is suing him for £100,000 so it's not like he doesn't have reason to lie!

nobody outside of the two of them can know for sure but i believe her when she says it wasn't her that released it, and that mutual friends told her he'd been threatening to do it for months.