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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Tulisa - wonderful role model

188 replies

Lottapianos · 24/03/2012 17:48

Tulisa is feminism's new hero

I think she's been incredibly brave this week. I can only imagine how mortifying and sickening it must be to think that someone you trusted has put intimate footage of you into the public domain. Full credit to her for refusing to be shamed by this. It's probably too much to hope that he's the one feeling ashamed, but he flipping well should be Angry

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 27/03/2012 12:37

Some people will tie themselves in knots trying to pin the blame on the woman if there is any sex involved

Yes.

People do this even when the 'sex' was non consensual, so really I am not surprised at people doing this when it involves consensual sex.

AmberLeaf · 27/03/2012 12:39

KarmaK so you believe women who you like and who according to you are worthy?

Nice.

rockinhippy · 27/03/2012 12:41

I should add that more than anything I've always felt Tulisa was manipulative. So it's not a stretch, to me, that she might manipulate this whole sex tape crap to suit her and to work for her

Not sure I would use the term manipulative, but yes, you've hit the nail on the head with the rest of it - it happened, so being the gutsy, take no crap type that she is, she's made a potentially bad situation work in her favour - IMHO, you can't knock her for that, but I would shy away from her being a "role model"

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 12:46

but yes, you've hit the nail on the head with the rest of it - it happened, so being the gutsy, take no crap type that she is, she's made a potentially bad situation work in her favour - IMHO, you can't knock her for that, but I would shy away from her being a "role model"

Yeah I admire her attitude when it came to releasing that second video where she pins ALL the blame onto Ultra. That took balls. It felt like a slight Girl Power moment but I also felt manipulated. But I thought it was a bold and quite smart move. That doesn't mean I have to like her or necessarily even believe a word she says :)

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 12:48

People do this even when the 'sex' was non consensual, so really I am not surprised at people doing this when it involves consensual sex.

Nobody is saying consensual sex is wrong. It's a bit sad that a few so-called feminists are wetting their knickers at the idea that somebody's saying sex isn't OK. Calm down dears! This isn't about saying sex is wrong. This is about saying there's something a bit fishy about this particular sex tape debacle.

LucyManga · 27/03/2012 12:50

Ultra is a jealous, talentless nobody who's own career never took off. Bet he is enjoying the limelight, the twat. I hope Tulisa's lawyers break him.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 13:03

Ultra is a jealous, talentless nobody

sounds like you must actually know him then, to know all this.

AmberLeaf · 27/03/2012 13:05

sounds like you must actually know him then, to know all this

Hah! seriously, read that statement back to yourself Karma

LucyManga · 27/03/2012 13:06

I know of him, yes. It isnt exactly a secret in the music industry / media that he had a good ride off the back of Tulisa's success and is now doing fuck all. Do you know him? if not, I would stop defending him.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 13:11

I know of him, yes. It isnt exactly a secret in the music industry / media that he had a good ride off the back of Tulisa's success and is now doing fuck all. Do you know him? if not, I would stop defending him.

I'd never even heard of him until Purple Willy-gate.

Therefore I've got nothing to go on. Never read an interview with him or seen him interviewed on TV. No idea how he lives his life. We can't say the same for Tulisa.

LucyManga · 27/03/2012 13:14

I have no interest in Tulisa. But I don't see why you are attacking her quite so vehemently?

MrsClown · 27/03/2012 13:24

KarmaK - I can assure you I have not watched the tape, why would I.

I could not name 1 song by this singer - she is not my type of singer. I dont even watch the X factor because its the same old rubbish. I must be in a time warp - I prefer the Annie Lennox, Alison Moyet types who, just in my humble opinion, have more talent in their little toes than the 'celebs' out there at the moment. I think that if she had not done the X factor no one would even be taking any notice.

I was watching a programme the other night about a young woman who had been stalked and pictures of her naked and videos of her having sex were posted. It turned out to be her ex boyfriend who did it. Her final statement was to try to persuade young women not to allow themselves to be used like that to make porno videos for their boyfriends. As she said, my parents have seen me have sex and seen me naked (though her father admitted he had not opened the email he was sent out of respect) She seemed to speak more sense than Tulisa. When I was young it was always the female who got the blame when sex was involved and nothing has changed.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 13:28

I can assure you I have not watched the tape, why would I.

Out of curiosity, to see whether it was Tulisa or not in the tape. Surely that is the sole reason so many people watched it. Confused

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 13:30

I think that if she had not done the X factor no one would even be taking any notice.

I agree.

Her final statement was to try to persuade young women not to allow themselves to be used like that to make porno videos for their boyfriends. As she said, my parents have seen me have sex and seen me naked (though her father admitted he had not opened the email he was sent out of respect) She seemed to speak more sense than Tulisa.

Yes yes yes! I know that of course women should have the 'right' to film themselves sucking cock. But the reality is that there is a huge danger your ex, or some other scrote will distribute the footage later on if you have a bitter break-up or something. It's best to make sure there is no footage in the first place.

LucyManga · 27/03/2012 13:31

Why do you care, if you hate her so much?@Karma

For the record I have never watched a 'sex tape' in my life. I find them totally creepy.

MrsClown · 27/03/2012 13:32

I will take your word for that. You are probably right I dont know. Im probably the wrong age group to be curious about things like that (mid 50's). Also, Im not interested in celebs so that may be another reason.

Original poster
Lottapianos · 27/03/2012 14:01

'Calm down dears!'

KarmaK, are you David Cameron???

OP posts:
skrumle · 27/03/2012 14:15

"This is about saying there's something a bit fishy about this particular sex tape debacle."

so which women that have been involved in a sex tape scandal and said they didn't allow the video to be released have you believed? or is it that you think any woman who allows herself to be filmed in this way is asking for it?

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 14:28

so which women that have been involved in a sex tape scandal and said they didn't allow the video to be released have you believed?

If you can give me a list of women who've appeared in sex tapes, I'll let you know. I kind of lose track. Tulisa's is the first one I've actually seen for myself though.

MrsClown · 27/03/2012 14:42

skrumle - I dont think any woman who allows herself to be filmed in this way is asking for it at all. I just think nothing has changed since I was younger but the young women of today seem to think it has. They seem to think it is empowering to be treated like a porn star. I dont know where that idea comes from but I guess I am just a different generation. I dont know this person, I have only seen on her once on that Ndubz programme and she didnt seem very empowered to me so I just wouldnt call her a role model. I only know 1 person who has been to see her sing live (and this person is only 18) and they said she couldnt sing live but that is irrelevant I suppose with respect to what has happened.

PurpleRomanesco · 27/03/2012 16:12

If you can give me a list of women who've appeared in sex tapes, I'll let you know. I kind of lose track

How on earth do you know so much about this? Why would you want too?

It's pretty sad.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 17:45

How on earth do you know so much about this?

I don't. Neither do you.

skrumle · 27/03/2012 20:30

karmak i don't keep a list - the only ones i can think of are the ones mentioned on this thread (kim kardashian, paris hilton, pamela anderson) as far as i know all of them claimed they had not agreed to the release of the footage.

i know as well that in the last couple of years there have been a host of hollywood actresses who had nude/semi-nude pictures leaked online. all of them said that the pictures had been stolen, and they had not agreed to them being publicised but lots of people chose to believe at the time that at least some of them had deliberately leaked them. the guy who was responsible for most of the leaks is now under arrest.

i can't actually think of any woman who has been involved in this kind of scandal and said that she had agreed to her image being shown to the whole world...

and mrs clown Her final statement was to try to persuade young women not to allow themselves to be used like that to make porno videos for their boyfriends. i quite agree that there probably are young women who are manipulated or coerced into making these kinds of videos and as a society we should be supporting them so that they have the strength to refuse to do something they're not comfortable with.

however, tulisa does not seem to be claiming that she was in any way coerced or that she is unhappy about the video being made. what bothers her is that her ex has shared this with the world. as she points out in her youtube video she did nothing wrong, and she is not to blame for this. ultimately the real problem is that women and men are still judged by a different set of standards when it comes to sexual activity.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 21:22

the moral of the story is perhaps to only make a sex tape if you are OK with people viewing it. Even those types of young men who wouldn't go so far as to make the tape publicly available might still show it to their mates. Surely it's possible to have a fun sex life without making a film of yourself performing sex acts? It just doesn't seem to be worth the risk.

BasilFoulTea · 27/03/2012 21:24

I wouldn't knowingly allow a man to make a tape of me having sex with him.

But some would claim that that makes me a man-hating, distrustful, cynical misandrist, wouldn't they?

So which is it - women should trust men, or they shouldn't?