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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Tulisa - wonderful role model

188 replies

Lottapianos · 24/03/2012 17:48

Tulisa is feminism's new hero

I think she's been incredibly brave this week. I can only imagine how mortifying and sickening it must be to think that someone you trusted has put intimate footage of you into the public domain. Full credit to her for refusing to be shamed by this. It's probably too much to hope that he's the one feeling ashamed, but he flipping well should be Angry

OP posts:
KarmaK · 24/03/2012 21:55

We need to address these issues legally and update our legal code to get this recognised as a crime of sexualised violence.

It's not sexualised violence.

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/03/2012 21:57

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miloben · 24/03/2012 22:00

And then we have the likes of Jan Moir in the Daily Mail giving off to women about how we should avoid being filmed blah blah. Yes, all well and good, but why not tell the MEN how to behave like human beings and treat their (former) girlfriends with respect? WHY does no one tell the men how to change...I don't get it!!

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:05

No sexual violence occurred in this case. To say it did is almost an insult to those women who've actually endured sexual violence.

catsareevil · 24/03/2012 22:05

We have no idea how the tape came out, and so to claim that its realease is 'sexualised violence' seems unreasonable given that the truth may be that the it was 'advertising'

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/03/2012 22:07

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MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 24/03/2012 22:11

Just to add my 2 cents, its becoming too common for people (and in particular young teens) to do this, with no thought of the future.

I fell out with my brother when he was 17, I havent spoken to him since. He is now 21. One weekend when my parents were away, he filmed himself and his girlfriend, with her consent. Cue argument a few weeks later and the prick put it on facebook. It was shared, uploaded, sent to phones etc within hours. We only knew about it when her mother called to say she had been to the police.

I took him to the Police station because my poor parents couldnt face it. I got to hear such lovely things as "its her own fault" and "she asked for it". He genuinely, and I really mean it, it wasnt a act, he really genuinely thought that this was what constituted normal behaviour. He couldnt see what he had done for what it was, pure violation of this girl. This is why we dont speak. This is why he will never be a part of my sons life. Because he still cant see what he has done wrong.

I think if a look at the whole Tulisa thing without my cynical hat on, I think she reclaimed back a bit of power, but she shouldnt have ever been in this position in the first place. If I look at this without my cynical hat on, she doesnt need the publicity, NDUBZ have hard core fan bases, she is a judge on one of the top rated tv shows. So therefore she is also a victim of sexual violence.

If it is a marketing ploy, how terrible to be in a business where exploitation is the name of the game...I dont envy anyone that life.

Sorry for the ramble, no coherrent thought process on this one!

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/03/2012 22:16

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BasilFoulTea · 24/03/2012 22:19

It's very instructive to see how eager people are, to immediately decide a woman is lying when it comes to consent issues.

She has said that she didn't agree or expect to have this "intimate moment" shared with millions.

I believe her.

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:19

We have no idea how the tape came out, and so to claim that its realease is 'sexualised violence' seems unreasonable given that the truth may be that the it was 'advertising'

Exactly

Patienceobtainsallthings · 24/03/2012 22:19

Yep more objectifying of women and more of this entitled attitude from men.
Could this tape have been posted to try and ruin her image and therefore her chances of solo success?

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:22

It's very instructive to see how eager people are, to immediately decide a woman is lying when it comes to consent issues.

I agree that many people are eager in this particular case to disbelieve Tulisa. That is in no small part because she has already categorically lied about the sex tape and for quite some time pretended it was not her in the vid and that it was a fake. Had she not lied people would undoubtedly be a lot more sympathetic.

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/03/2012 22:23

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KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:26

"Her lawyers were quick to issue a statement saying that the video was ?100% fake?, adding: ?She is horrified that someone would go to the extreme lengths of fabricating a video. It is absolutely not her"

Yeah, I see that. Hmm

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 24/03/2012 22:29

If someone released a sex tape of me, my gut reaction would be to say it wasnt me too.. Hmm

StewieGriffinsMom · 24/03/2012 22:30

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Patienceobtainsallthings · 24/03/2012 22:31

All I know is I heard her on the radio and thought "You go girl!!!"
And if she makes one woman think twice about. possible consequences when consenting to sex tapes then that has to be a good thing.

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:33

If someone released a sex tape of me, my gut reaction would be to say it wasnt me too..

I understand that. But there is the fact that she was blatantly lying. So why should we believe her now?

catsareevil · 24/03/2012 22:34

It might have the opposite effect. People who want to work in the entertainment industry might feel that a sex tape somewhere in the background could be a useful thing to have.

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:37

True catsareevil. You don't need talent these days, you just need a sex tape.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 24/03/2012 22:40

Because her gut instinct was to lie. Its insticive of all of us, even as children "Did you break this?" "NO!" If we feel we are in trouble, then its our nature to try and get out of it.

I believe her.

catsareevil · 24/03/2012 22:40

It does raise a serious point about the level of sexual exploitation in the entertainment industry.

There are so many stories about the sorts of things that need to be done if you want to get ahead. I think that that is the issue here, not whether Tulisa is some sort of hero.

edam · 24/03/2012 22:49

Blimey, we should ignore the fact that she's been a victim of a particularly nasty, cowardly act because she tried to disown the video when it first came out?

The person in the wrong here is the shit-for-brains who published the video. Tulisa seems to be handling it with dignity and grace - the dignity and grace this pathetic apology for a human being tried to strip away from her.

KarmaK · 24/03/2012 22:51

So it's OK to judge the ex-boyfriend without us having any proof whatsoever that it's him in the video or that he put the video online?!

Right. It's OK to judge the ex boyfriend and call him horrible names but if we dare to question Tulisa's actions we're somehow in the wrong.

All you see in the video is Tulisa sucking a penis. We have no idea whose penis it is. Her ex has denied that it is him. She has produced no proof whatsoever to back up her claims that it is him or that he is the one who put this tape out there. Yet we are prepared to simply take her word for it.

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 24/03/2012 22:57

Well she obviously knows it is him in the video. What does she have to gain by saying it is him? He isnt famous, she has noting to gain from him. I dont know what other motive she could possibly have?

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