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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Help me explain to my friend why this is really wrong

187 replies

iMemoo · 25/06/2011 19:24

A group of women in my town are organising an event to raise money for charity. They are holding a bikini car wash! Hmm So basically people (I suspect mainly men) are going to pay them to wash their car whilst they are dressed in skimpy bikinis. My friend is taking part in it. I am horrified by the whole thing. I can't believe that this group of woman are choosing to objectify themselves like this. There are a million things they could have done to raise money and yet they choose to do it by basically getting their tits out for the lads!! I have tried to explain why it is wrong to my friend but I'm just not getting through to her.

I know in my head what I think and why this is wrong but I just can't articulate it. How do I explain to my friend why this is so wrong. Please help me find the right words!

OP posts:
forkful · 25/06/2011 23:24

Perhaps this will put her off?

I suspect the charity is very small/unregistered?

SinicalSal · 25/06/2011 23:29

'Bikini Carwash and Family Fun Day'

FFS

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 23:44

I didn't thnk anything about this could make me feel more uneasy, but 'in memory of' has done it.
Nasty nasty nasty

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 26/06/2011 00:07

What is making me feel uneasy is the hostility to women wearing bikinis. They are not running around with their labia out or having a mass charitable cocksuck. Women wear bikinis on the beach, in the park and in their back gardens. This sounds like 'seaside postcard' safe bawdiness, not Anal Gangbang for Cancer Research.

kayah · 26/06/2011 00:09

but would guys pay for the same car wash to the same ladies it if they wore long robes?

MollysChamber · 26/06/2011 00:16

God how bloody tacky. Yuck.

AwesomePan · 26/06/2011 00:19

i don't think it's the bikini-wearing in itself that is being met with hostility. When on the beach women generally don't line up involving themsleves in physical exercise whilst men pay money to do a bit of leering.

or maybe I go to the stuffy beaches....

AwesomePan · 26/06/2011 00:20

and will be missing the Olympics beach volleyball at Horseshit's Parade.

SinicalSal · 26/06/2011 00:31

Missing the point somewhat, SGB.

SpeedyGonzalez · 26/06/2011 00:42

It all sounds very Pirelli Calendar. Not at all about objectifying women, is it?

DumSpiroSpero · 26/06/2011 00:47

But surely these women are choosing to dress in bikinis and wash cars for what they consider to be a good cause and men are paying for the priviledge.

If you don't like it OP, that's fair enough but I would say you need to let your mate get on with it or risk losing a friend.

Besides blokes do it too!

MrsRhettButler · 26/06/2011 00:52

Cab to write an essay but I agree with SGB

MrsRhettButler · 26/06/2011 00:52

Cab? Sorry, cba

kayah · 26/06/2011 00:58

DSS - I think it is hard for me to explain in short words that Idon't agree with your statement.

Just because those ladies don't understand the psychology behind why guys pay them wearing bikini for cars doesn't make it right

there are going to be younger girls there

their daughters too

what is the message they are conveying???

tallwivglasses · 26/06/2011 01:17

Some interesting points, I'm enjoying this thread. OP, how about you and a few mates getting together to organise your own charitable event? - Something that you would support/approve of?

GetOrf · 26/06/2011 01:39

I would assume that someone who would choose to do this was as thick as dogshit, actually.

Bollocks to being jealous for being a size 10 or whatever. I am a size 10. I can think of loads of chritable events which do not require me to stand there working up a lather in a bikini. Fuck that.

SBG 'anal gangbangs for cancer research' made me larf

GetOrf · 26/06/2011 01:41

What's wrong with car washes for charity. You know, just wearing normal clothes.

Yes less lucrative perhaps that carnwashes with yer tits out but isn't that a good thing? Just wash more cars, raise more money that way.

CaptainBizarro · 26/06/2011 07:08

Some women just don't get it, and even enjoy and get validation from being ogled by strange men, so you're unlikely to ever get through to her.

The 'you're just jealous' retort just proves 100% how much they don't get it. I'm 5'9" and a size 10 - yet you're the one who needs to be leered at by balding, middle-aged Trevor from No. 64 in order to feel good about yourself. How does that work, then? Hmm

I'm afraid I agree with GetOrf - I massively judge women who think this is OK as being thick as two short ones. They either cannot or will not see the bigger picture, and for that I judge freely. Always have and always will. Time to give it up and save your blood pressure.

Original poster
iMemoo · 26/06/2011 14:39

That link is actually for the one my friend is taking part in!

SGB you're right, I can't expect her to agree with me, who am I to say whose opinion is right.

But I don't get how any woman can offer herself up to be leered at by pervy men. Feminist work so hard to stop the objectification of woman and I feel these woman are letting the side and themselves down.

OP posts:
purepurple · 26/06/2011 15:00

Maybe you should get a bunch of friends together and offer the girls money to put on more clothes? If the object is to raise money for charity then they couldn't refuse, could they?

fuzzpigFriday · 26/06/2011 15:02

Ugggggh. That is foul. I'm with getorf.

But I agree you should leave it. She won't change her mind.

DumSpiroSpero · 26/06/2011 16:18

Kayah - I see where you're coming from but on a day-to-day basis I doubt whether the majority of people think that deeply about it - they probably just see it as a bit of silly fun to rasie some cash for charity.

It's not something I'd take part in (people would definitely be paying me to put my clothes back on in any case Grin), but if that's the way others want to go so be it. As SGB said - it's probably intended as 'bawdy seaside postcard' type stuff, not something to be taken so seriously.

(will agree that the juxtaposition with 'family fun day' is a bit yukky though!)

WriterofDreams · 26/06/2011 17:36

I know I might be spectacularly missing some important point but I do feel at times that feminist views on this type of thing have tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Yes porn is an exploitative industry and there are a lot of women in the world who suffer terribly to give men pleasure.

However, this situation is different in my view. This involves women who are proud of their bodies showing them off, voluntarily and for no profit, to raise money for charity. Yes men will look at them with lust, but the women are aware of that and are using it to their advantage. Lust isn't automatically a bad thing. Now, if the men were shouting degrading things at the women then I think that would be a step too far, but I've been to something similar before and it really was a family event where women of all shapes and sizes had a laugh and got soaked while men, women and children looked on and laughed. It was very good fun, and yes, perhaps there were some leery men in the audience but they weren't obvious. I don't see why those leery men should stop the confident women from doing something they obviously enjoyed a lot. The idea that women in bikinis is automatically a sexual thing is a bit odd IMO. The charity event I saw didn't come off as sexual at all, like SGB said it was more bawdy seaside fun really, if that.

BTW OP heaping judgement on your friend is very rude IMO. She has the right to do this if she wants to, she's not hurting anyone and she's certainly not being coerced into it. You don't agree with it but that's your problem not hers.

garlicnutter · 26/06/2011 18:20

I agree with Dittany here: "Tell her she's right you wish you were brave enough to stand outside in a bikini and won't it be great to be looked at by all those men, and won't it be great for them too to get to see her body."

I remember refusing to do the same thing a (long) while back. At first I was OK to do it - I was fit and did enjoy showing off. But somebody must have said something that worked, because my mental picture of what I'd be doing changed - from having a giggle, being admired and doing a good work - to being leered at by unpleasant men, who would take it to mean that I was some sort of available hooker with car-washing skills. I opted out.

Miggsie · 26/06/2011 18:24

You could tell her that she should charge extra if the bloke has a hard on while she washes his car.