Looking for support and inspiration - DP says feminism is 'totally outdated'

[Indiestarr]

Was having a chat with DP tonight over dinner and it degenerated into an argument. Initially we were talking about Islamic attitudes to women (in light of France banning the niqab), and it broadened into a discussion of attitudes here. I was making the point that even though oppressed/minority groups such as women/gays/whoever are in a pretty good position here, at this present moment in time, it's worth remembering that attitudes don't always move forwards and can infact move backwards, and so rights we've attained can actually be snatched away if we get complacent. My broader point was that feminism is still really important because even though a lot of the battles women have fought have been won, these victories can always be undermined and even reversed if we don't pay attention.

DP thought this argument was 'banal' because 'it's meaningless to speculate on what could happen', plus he pretty forcefully insisted that feminism is 'totally outdated' and asked me to explain why exactly things were so bad for me as a woman. I admit I had no ready examples of why things were 'so bad' but I did ask him how he would feel if our DD aged 7 came to him aged 18 and asked to have the money for a boob job because the boys didn't find her natural body attractive enough (ie she didn't look like a porn star). He said 'I'm sure she'd have more sense than that.'

What has left me reeling is the claim that feminism is 'totally outdated' and that, as he's effectively saying, women have nothing to complain about. To be honest I don't find myself complaining that much but that doesn't mean the battles have all been won. I also think it's important not to get complacent. Can anyone on here cheer me up with a little support :(

I have this fantasy that she's actually Xenia in disguise.

And both of them are hairy handed truckers.

Oh right fuck that then, i won't bother reading this asinine bollox for someone else's kicks.

Well, if that's how she wants to spend her time that's her business. Threads like this remind me why I'm a feminist and why it matters, which is exactly what the OP asked us to talk about, so I think it is ok.

It also gives me the impression that non-feminists are not very good at constructing valid arguments, and possibly that's lulling us into a false sense of security, but ... I can cope with that. It's a bit like exercise to build up your stamina.

Indiestarr the other thing you could do, is tell him some of the facts about porn. Go over to the current porn threads adn read what happens to women in the porn industry, how they are treated and how many men watn to jack off to images of women being abused and then ask your DH if he really thinks that the view of women that is being promoted by that industry and the desperate free speech defence of it by practically all mainstream media, means that feminism isn't needed.

LOL at Bonsoir. Has anyone got bingo cards ready? Saggy tits, hairy legs,hairy armpits. I only need moustache and I WILL WIN A PRIZE!!

Thanks HerBEggs, that's a great idea, I've been intending to tackle the porn threads.

dittany, but I think what Bonsoir does IS trolling in the normal sense of the word. She is a long term poster and posts in intelligent sentences - but what she does often IS trolling. She posts to get a reaction. She admitted in the past that she likes to study us lesser mortals. Personally I think she disapppeared up her own derriere many years ago.

No her derriere is too petite for her to disappear up it.

I dunno ... forcing your head up your arse probably does keep it pert. Worth every contortion!

I have disagreed with dittany LOADS in the past. Have fallen out, it could be said. I might not agree with what she says sometimes, in fact sometimes I am in violent oppostiton. But on the other hand I totally respect her knowledge and her viewpoint has often given me cause to think.

Bonsoir did this on the patriarchy thread as well - posted all lots of crap whilst sneering at others. This poster is turning into a parody of herself (on the feminist section at least). It is trolling really, even if the poster concerned has been on MN for a long time and manages to behave herself elsewhere on the forum.

The thought of someone sitting at home and saying, I'm a bit bored, I think I'll go and poke fun at the feminists is, a bit, pathetic really. It is the weird wink that does my head in the most though.

(Don't bother engaging with me Anna, I can't be bothered with you anymore.)

Well, obviously I've not been on the threads in question so may be misguided, but on the strength of this one I think you're being a bit harsh to say she's a troll. She kept on-topic, which is more than I can manage even when I'm trying, and I didn't think she was as rude as some people I've seen on here who're really trying to stir things.

I may well be showing my naive side here though.

Bonsoir, you've been letting me down lately but this thread is some of your better work.

"Bonsoir, you've been letting me down lately"

See, I think that is a very revealing use of language and perspective on responsibility.