Resisteing feminity 2

[garlicbutter]

sethstarkaddersmackerel Wed 16-Mar-11 13:39:12

I was thought-provoked by the 'I'm a feminist but....' thread, particularly Dittany's posts, in which she talked about women who choose not to 'perform femininity'.

I posted on the other thread that I hugely object to all that bikini-line business but do still shave my legs. Am not sure why I do this, so I think I'm going to stop and see how it feels. It felt like a major issue when I was 20 or so but I actually suspect not shaving them now would make me feel more, rather than less, confident.

So I wondered if anyone else was thinking about giving up any beauty practices or other elements of compulsory femininity and would like to do it together and see how it feels.

this is not a competition - if you decide after a day you hate it and can't live without it, fine, but it would be really interesting to hear about, and I think it could advance our understanding of how this all works.

anyone else in?

btw, I am in a vile mood today so if anyone wants to come along to the thread and tell us we are just falling into the trap of thinking all feminists have to have hairy legs, or that actually they wax everything and are a still better feminist than meeeee, I will tell them to fuck off because if you don't 'get' this I can't be bothered explaining, either you get it or you don't smile

I've got painted toenails and a stubbly big toe at the moment. It looks grand :)

Just got back from fabulous holiday in the Caribbean. I shaved my legs at the start of the holiday - I just fancied it really (I'm often out and about with hairy legs/bikini line and swimming costume including last holiday at Christmas, but just fancied trying hair free this time). Anyway, my legs felt lovely for a whole 16 hours, and then by next morning were stubbly and I had a red stubble rash. Gah! Probably shan't bother much again.

We made friends with a couple and their children at the hotel - she was a model until a few years ago. It was interesting to observe her and compare myself to her. I'm hairier than her, and have more blemishes, and am a lot podgier. She had a new bikini every day . But I'm also much much happier in my own skin (she shared a lot of her woes with me and I don't envy her at all). It was enlightening, and made me feel more confident about myself and my choices, albeit sad that it was at her expense IYSWIM. Really reinforced the ideas from here that meeting society's beauty standards doesn't mean that your life is in any way better.

Oh and I handed DH Living Dolls when he complained of having nothing to read and he really enjoyed it (raced through it faster than he does any novel on holiday!) so we had lots of worthwhile discussion over our bottle glass of rose of a night :)

didn't know your dh posted on here!
is it a secret who he is?

I just cut of ALL my hair.

ALL of it. With clippers.

I love it! Something I've wanted to do for years and years, and have always been afraid of doing in case it 'made me look fat' - well I figured something out last night - I do look fat, cos I'm a bit fat. The haircut or no haircut thing wasn't going to change it. And now I have a lovely breeze on my neck and keep preening and patting myself, because of how much I love having such short hair. . . and yeah, I could shift a stone and be the better for it, but I'm not waiting till I'm acceptably thin before I do anything like this or anything else, ever again. Time's a-wasting, as they say over here. And I love my new hair! Am a chubby Annie Lennox and keep grinning!

Totally inspired by the things happening on this thread. Thanks, all of you

well done, blackcurrants! Congratulations on your gorgeous new hair! (although I have to say I'm bemused at the thought that hair length could affect how thin/ fat you look. It has never before crossed my mind.)

Stuff being "acceptably thin", just concentrate on being healthy.

Nice one blackcurrants

I keep thinking about it but haven't quite yet been able to bring myself to do it. I have greasy hair that I need to wash every other day and the thought of just being able to jump in the shower and towel dry it is really appealing. As it is it needs 10 mins with a hairdryer to stop it dripping down my back and saturating my clothes. On the other hand, the good thing about long hair is that just like very short hair it doesn't need styling. I just comb and tie back. I never style, straighten or use products and I cut my own hair with the ponytail trick.

I never shave my legs, but this is because I live in trousers or jeans. I quite often go swimming with hairy legs because no one sees them in the water. I must admit that I would shave if I were wearing a skirt in the hot weather though.

I have got a lot more relaxed about appearance since getting older, having children and discovering feminism, though to be honest I was never that bothered by it all anyway as it always seemed so utterly boring and so incredibly time consuming. I loved it when grunge was 'the look' I am quite tidy in comparison these days.

I love it where Seth said "it's about separating out the fun from the burdensome." That's a really good slogan for a feminist's take on fashion and style' IMO.

DH shaves his face because he prefers that - doesn't like the feeling of a hairy face or the look of beards - and I am happy since I like him nice and smooth for kissing. Can't really see why shaving bit of me is any different. HAd a lesbian relationship for a few months and stopped shaving arm pits and legs because my girlfriend was very right on said she liked the hair. But I never felt comfortable being hairy. I am very hairy - black thick hair not a cute little bit of blonde fur. To be honest the only partner I've ever had who cared was her - she hated me shaving because to her it symbolised male oppression but no boyfriend has been bothered about stubble or the times I've left my underarm hair - like away travelling - they don't seem to notice. Now I just please myself. Bloke choose whether or not to shave. Why can't we?

Sunshine - thanks! Oddly, the closest thing 'me with no hair' looks like, is 'me in a ponytail.' - so if you ever did it, it might not be that much mirrorshock. I'm used to having my hair in a bob, and washed it every other day and almost never blowdried it (unless it was freezing outside, which it often is here) - and so I thought I had a 'no fuss' hairstyle. Wow, was I wrong! now I just rub it a bit and get on with my day. And the times I notice that I've got no hair are mainly when it's NOT bothering me. I'll cuddle up next to DS on the bed to read him a story and notice that I'm not pushing my hair out of my face, for example. Or while exercising.

It's also very hot here now (30c is hot to me!) and not dealing with hair-sweat is luuuverly. A few days into the cut someone asked me, in a serious and very caring voice, if I'd had some bad news recently. I suppose some women go for a big cut just before chemo, which is what she was worried about - I was pleased to be able to reassure her that no, I just fancied seeing what I"d look like with no hair!
Oddly, it's making the fun stuff more fun. I choose earrings some days with more 'ooh, yay, people will see these and I like them" - and when I went out to a bar last week I had fun doing some dramatic eye makeup, cos my eyes are somehow more visible now I've got very short hair. All strange but cool stuff. . .

[ramble ramble]

Just found this. Hurrah!

A few months ago I decided I was stopping shaving until I didn't feel the need to shave (something of the same aim in mind as the original thread from the looks of it although I have not read it all as it's so long).

It's very dark hair, I have very pale skin, I have been barelegged during some of the sun we have had - but not at work because I'm too scared. I'm a bit sad that I don't have the courage to wear a formal skirt at work because of the Incredible Dark Hair.

I also end up plucking the nipple and chin ones - they just get to me - but the chin ones at least partly because I fiddle with my face and they feel uncomfy and scratchy, so they are usually the first to go.

Haven't worn make up in years, but am applying for a few jobs and scared that if I get an interview I'll feel like I have to to get the job.

I pluck the chin ones, MsWeatherwax (GREAT NAME BTW!) because otherwise I fiddle with them while I"m reading, and then the fiddled with area gets spotty (delightful!).

Legs and armpits I have let grow for a while now. I shave the legs when I feel like it, and enjoy a day or two of that smooth feeling, then ignore. Armpits I still want to feel hair-free or very short. It's weird, having shaved them for - oh goodness, twenty years? - feeling hair there feels very wrong.

very odd, all of it!

MsWeatherwax - I applied for and got several jobs while wearing no make up. It's not a necessity!

I am on a roll. I went to the beach yesterday with my hairy legs and armpits bared for all to see. And even though I am in Greece where women tend to be very groomed and won't even leave the house without make up, no one took any notice of me. It's all in our minds...

Am impressed alexpolismum! Thanks for the compliments on the name blackcurrants! I knew it had to be something Pratchett Witches related :)

I found a post today that was inspiring: offbeatbride.com/2011/06/on-being-a-hairy-bride about being hairy on your wedding day.

Oooh, thanks for that, MsWeatherwax. I found it very interesting. I was also unshaved on my wedding day, but no one could see, as I was wearing a typical floor length wedding dress. Not really my choice, to be honest, but my mum made it and it meant a lot to her.

Just caught up, blackcurrants my head is too hot.

DH does not like the hairy legs.
I'm not going to shave them though, I'm fighting eczema at the moment, the last thing it needs is shaving and it's so great being so quick in the shower.
I won't be able to shave them soon anyway, I'm six months pg and don't think I could reach.
Bah, he'll get used to it. It is a big change I guess.