Rape within marriage

[tabouleh]

Yes unashamedly a thread about a thread.

It is like entering the bloody twilight zone over there.

Jeez there are MNers basically caring more about OP's husbands right to sex rather than believing OP and helping her.

Totally understand if this gets deleted for being a thread about a thread - but if it gets more of the feminist viewpoints onto that thread then great.

sleepypjs Right so someone INSULTS me by saying that I 'followed' her over here which is just nonsense and I'm not allowed to say, 'Actually, you're wrong'.
If you can't see this then you're the sad one.

marantha, I just checked, you only posted on this thread after Anchor did and your first post was addressed to her.

You later said "I am not asking you to explain yourself to me, just to yourself" - I think that sounds like you followed HER, not the discussion.

I have copied the opening post for the benefit of Marantha, who would benefit from reading it very very slowly and trying very hard to comprehend it.

Note - it does not have any sexist or derogatory language.

Note - is mentions believing and supporting the OP (ANCHOR)

Note - It asks for feminists perspectives.

"Rape within marriage
(26-Aug-10 15:28:21
Yes unashamedly a thread about a thread.

It is like entering the bloody twilight zone over there.

Jeez there are MNers basically caring more about OP's husbands right to sex rather than believing OP and helping her.

Totally understand if this gets deleted for being a thread about a thread - but if it gets more of the feminist viewpoints onto that thread then great."

SGM

No, I don;t think it was insensitive Sassy. I understand your grief but you are reading malicious intentions into comments that were not intended as such. Gigantor did not know about your situation when she posted that and she apologised for not being psychic. E&M was talking in hypotheticals.

No, they did not know, but tabouleh - that is why it was inappropriate?

But enough said on teh matter - she clearly hasn't the good grave to apologise - and quite frankly I am no longer interested.

Sassy you said "E&M I wish you wouldn't say horrible things like that. My DD died 4 months ago, and was in ITU - and it was NOTHING like sleeping. Your analogy is utterly inaccurate and in horrible taste."

I said: "Just because you have tragically suffered the loss of your DD who was in a coma DOES NOT make her analogy

"utterly inaccurate and in horrible taste."

I think it is wrong to come onto the thread UPSETTING people who have been raped and then when you get upset about something suddenly tell everyone your tragic (UNRELATED) news.

This is the third time I am repeating this apology:

"Look Sassy of course I am sorry for your loss but I do not think I have been horrible nasty or cruel. If you have interpreted my posts that way then I am genuinely sorry."

I am still waiting for an apology wrt to your comments to me:

"If one of your DCs end up in a coma, please feek free to come back and we can discuss whether it's just like them sleeping?"

and

"I am sorry you are too thick to understand why that might offend - and too vile to apologise. Now just trot off back under your bridge, there's a dear."

*grace not grave

Freudian slip - obviously

Can you explain why you find this bit offensive please?

"If one of your DCs end up in a coma, please feek free to come back and we can discuss whether it's just like them sleeping?"

So, we have a conclusion:

Anchor = rape victim/survivor
Anchor's DH = rapist

Yet another rape goes unreported.

There is much support for both of you out there I am sure here for example. The support that you receive will confirm your understanding of the issues surrounding rape. In order to truly survive rape and build up one's damaged self esteem it is no doubt necessary to see rape as black and white, no shades of grey. Therein lies the root of the dichotomy that has been this bitchfest.

This thread is chock a block with bullying neanderthals BTW.

I apologised at 16:22:17 - that's nearly 2 hours ago FFS.

it's great arguing with feminists, isn't it, if you don't agree with them you can always fall back on the old 'actually, what you are saying is harmful to feminism' line

Sansa If I can explain myself here what I was advocating was a heart-to-heart with her husband. I didn't want to hear the details of the conversation. Hence the explain herself to herself not ME bit. I don't want to know.
Somehow this got interpreted to her as some kind of an insult.

sleepypjs,
don't you think it a bit off for someone else to start a thread about another person's problems- I do.

fascinating that everything pivots on the man's account of what happened.

We don't know if Anchor's husband said "I did hear you say that, oh god, I am so sorry, you are right, it was completely unacceptable"

or

"I heard you, but I don't see the big deal".

Anchor's decision about her marriage was never dependent on whether or not he knew he had raped her - it was dependent on how he reacted to what had happened. She was clear in her own mind.

marantha, you made posts directed at anchor and only after she had arrived here. Her saying she felt you followed her over here was entirely justified.

Marantha No I totally and utterly disagree with you.

I think you have come on here, knowing full well that this thread was related to Anchor, you read the opening post, and you have tried to put down Anchor and other women on here.

Anchor got some help on here, in between your outlandish and disgusting scenarios and nasty posts.

I do not buy your claim that you did not realise that this thread was about Anchor.

marantha "don't you think it a bit off for someone else to start a thread about another person's problems- I do." - that is bloody hilarious!

I took a judgement call that it would be useful for Anchor and that it would help other posters/lurkers. My decision - anyone is welcome to ask MNHQ to delete THIS thread.

I stand by my decision. As it happens Anchor has thanked me for starting the thread.

However, marantha if you thought it was "a bit off" then why the fuck did you post here! How very unprincipled of you!

I cannot believe the way this thread has gone. I feel almost reponsible for participating in it, when it should be about supporting Anchor (although I tried to do that on the other thread and got called a hypocrite). But it's very hard to see these kind of views put forward, and keep silent. Don't know what's best, really.

Sansa How many more times, I did not follow her over her. She may view it that way, but it is not the truth.
I wanted some kind of dispassionate discussion about rape within marriage.
Frankly, I didn't want to be confronted with a real life problem in THIS thread.
She is free to post wherever she likes (as long as respectful like all of us)but the OTHER thread was about her problem, not this one.

I think its shit that Anchor feels unable to post about where to go from here because of some of you fuckers.

Marantha - you have been found out, plain and simple.

It certainly leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Posters here are just too way aggressive. It is worse than AIBU!

Didn't you? oh how sad. Why didn't you leave when you saw the OP which could hardly have been more blatant then?

Dignified / Elephant - I agree.

However, I think that Marantha and others have set out to totally ruin this thread for Anchor. I feel that I have to speak out against them, although I support the transparency of their posts is evident to any rational human being.