Lost six stone, feel humiliated

[ButterflyBarista]

I've told noone in real life how much I've lost but obviously it's very clear I have lost weight (in fact a third of my body weight). I have done this through diet and exercise alone and walking in my local neighborhood.I work locally too.
i just feel utterly humiliated by myself, does anyone understand? I get comments literally every day. In fact, yesterday I was stopped whilst on a run, by by two separate people I don't know to ask me exactly how much weight I had lost. Both women were trying to be nice and friendly but I just feel mortified. It's embarrassing that I had let myself get to such a weight in the first place, that people are watching me, and that, actually I am basically the same person I ever was but now somehow more worthy and "inspirational". I find it all utterly mortifying and although I understand people are trying to be nice, I just hear "you're so much better than the whale you were before".
Can anyone understand or talk me out of this?

Think of it like you've cut or dyed your hair. It doesn't mean it was awful before. People simply comment because you've made a change and most people like to be complimented on the changes they've made.

I make it a point to assume people are being nice unless they make it impossible to do so.

You made an unpleasant and unnecessary comment on this thread and people responded to it. You then claimed you weren't even there, but indicated it was a good thing this woman got shamed and that you're entitled to shame her because doctors comment on their patients. I'm pretty sure people are just annoyed with you now.

God knows what possessed you to comment on a topic you have no experience of, with an anecdote that isn't even yours to tell, and maybe never even happened. The best thing you could do is just stop.

I do appreciate that people like you are often coming from a place of deep unhappiness and insecurity. Maybe not being overweight is your key source of self esteem so you commented in order to validate your world view. In any case, you've said your piece and have nothing new to contribute so please stop banging on now.

Bang off yourself. You know nothing about me.

I’m not saying it’s about me. You’re offering unsolicited advice about how to lose weight, to people who have already lost weight, when the matter at hand is how society changes towards a person when they lose weight and how actually, unsolicited comments about other peoples weight is the problem, not whether or not you are a footie. OP loving walking and going to the gym are not going to stop people commenting. Only highlighting how hurtful and rude those comments can be will stop people continuing to make them.

and then you suggested that unless we did those hints and tips, that we’d not maintain and put the weight back on 🤣

and I agree, we do need a support thread, much like this one where we share experiences of how society treated us before and after so that we can (if we feel brave enough to and have the tools) challenge those comments.

visualising the new you, doesn’t work when all your friends are asking how you expect to maintain… we aren’t the problem.

I’ve not lost as much as you but the worst comment I ever had was from someone who said to me, “you’ve lost weight. Well, I suppose if that makes you happy”. It was like as if she was suggesting I was shallow and vain. I was about 32, and lost about 20 lbs.

Shocked stunned silence isn't expressing an opinion then? I could hear the air being sucked out of the room as everyone gasped in stunned shock as I read your post.

I'm quoting this post just to make it clear why posters have challenged it.

Fifi can you not see why this is offensive, and rather than apologise you have gone of on a medical tangent.

Why did you post this, especially if you weren't even there?

Maybe you need counselling.

Which bit of “shocked stunned silence” demonstrated by others WHEN I WASN’T THERE is not coming over here?

If I need counselling because I pointed out that OTHERS failing to acknowledge someone’s weight loss was disappointing to them, I’ll eat my hat. Can you not see that some people are offended by their weight loss being noticed, while others want that very response?

It wasn’t the fact you pointed this out it was the way you phrased it. It included you saying she needed to lose a lot more. It is not your place to judge whether she needs to lose weight. That is kind of the point of the whole thread.

She was met with stunned silence, rightly implying she still had a lot more to lose

Translates as

She was met with stunned silence because how on earth could she have lost five stone and still be so fucking fat.

But if you weren't there, why are you retelling it- and more importantly why do you know about it. Was it all a bit of fun gossip?

No, I worked with her and consoled her when she was upset that no one had made a positive remark about her achievement. She’d worked hard for it, she deserved it. She wanted the acknowledgement whereas OP didn’t. That’s the only reason when I mentioned it here.

Fair enough, I accept you didn't mean it as it came across.

I still think saying nothing is better than passing an opinion on someone's weight.

I'd love to know where a pp lived, and where it is inappropriate to comment on bodies and even glasses. I'd like that.

1. That's one hell of a dripfeed.
2. You can perhaps understand that "rightly" didn't lead me to think that you would be consoling her?

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia Assumptions were made.

I think you mean "extrapolations", not "assumptions". The implication of "rightly" in that context was not a kind one.

Throughout the day I have said that I wasn’t amongst those who were silent when she announced her weight loss, that I didn’t shame her, that I wasn’t there. I remarked that she was disappointed. How would I know that? Because she told me. I reacted with kindness and comfort.
I used this example to demonstrate that some people want to receive recognition when they achieve a weight loss goal. Others, like the OP, don’t. Fair enough.

I felt the same way. Quite bitter that now I’m impressive and before I wasn’t.
Also, I’m no different, still the same person. I’d have done it before if I could.

I totally get how you feel.

However, it is undoubtedly better being six stone lighter. I’m not better, but life is better. Things are easier. So hang tough, you’ll get used to it.

Whatever. Your original comment suggested that you thought it was right this woman got no support. When you were challenged about your comment, your response was to ask if it was okay to shame smokers, the implication being that if it was okay to shame smokers, then it was okay to shame overweight people. Then when pp said shaming was not right in any case, you moved on to saying, well doctors are allowed to freely mention people's weight, and talking about how we all know being overweight is a problem.

So excuse me if I find it hard to believe that your intentions throughout were simply to support your friend.

If that is the case, you need to work on your expression, because it certainly hasn't come across that way. And I'm pissed off that you came onto this thread with such an unpleasant comment and made people feel unsafe to share their stories. If you didn't mean what you said, why didn't you retract it, apologise, and explain as soon as it became clear that people were misunderstanding you?

Sorry but this reads as bragging to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

To be honest it's really quite rude of people to stop you and make remarks about such a very a personal thing like weight. They mean well, of course they do and I'm sure they do it to give you what they feel is some sort of boost, but it's too personal and I wouldn't like the attention either.

@FifiLaPass your deliberate obtuseness does not disguise your contempt nor your hatefulness. You don’t get off the hook by playing ignorant.

Award for the weirdest post 🏆

Thank to everyone for the replies and different perspectives, food for thought (pardon the pun).
It's quite difficult explain when you've had to wear a problem your entire life, experience the bullying and invisible impacts of it and then deal with the consequences of changing too (I've done this over a year so hopefully not too quickly). Aside from dealing privately with the issues (which, honestly is hard enough) , figuring out how to manage the general public, friends, family and colleagues often feels unfathomable, when in many ways I just want to not focus on my body and think about literally anything else, because for my whole life in any situation I have always been "wrong" and I don't want to be reminded of that.