**Guidance for a mother who has gained more than 70lbs in four years**

[MTTC]

Before the children, weight was 120lbs, now four years later, 195lbs. This is primarily due to the less active lifestyle (staying at home after losing job) and dramatic change in diet (can only eat what I can afford due to extraordinary drop in income).

I know all there is to know about a healthy balanced diet. The children get a very well balanced diet; do not eat junk food (never an advocate of fast food and cannot afford it more importantly), and they eat vegetables everyday (no exceptions) and fresh fruit when it is bought. No carbonated drinks; chocolate and crisps in moderation. There is a cooked meal everyday (yes, everyday) for the children; their meals planned daily, covering the recommended food groups, but as a parent, if there is not enough food to go around, I eat what I can, so at times (more than not) having a balanced diet does not apply to me; usually end up eating bread. Due to my dedication to the chidlren they are bright, happy and are not aware (and should definitely not be) of the pressures in the household due to the financial restraints.

In order to attempt a change personal lifestyle, more so, in fitness, I asked a ?friend? to join me in attempting to lose weight by jogging (which is what we used to do with her many years ago). At first, she said yes, but made excuses four times in succession (with low self- esteem, and feeling very self-conscious I needed the moral support of someone with me). Then she stated that, ?I had not gained that much weight? and did not need to do anything as I ?carried it well?. I told her a 75lb weight gain in four years was significant. We ended up arguing, and she said there are more important things going on in the world then worrying about weight!

I understand there are far more important issues going on in the world (the daily news does not let you forget), but I would like to do something for myself - for once. I can feel the pain in the lower back, and the rolls of fat under the skin at my sides. My knees are painful at times, especially going up and down stairs, and sometimes I get out of breath, and also noticed a small pain in the centre of my chest during the night when lay down.

I believe I need to do something before it gets to a point where I will not be able to it without medical assistance.

So, how do I do it? how do I make the first step in changing the way I look, when there is limited time, money, and lack of confidence?

Any honest advice will be appreciated, as I just need that extra push from those who (are not my 'friend') may understand that it is not the when it is the how - thank you.

1. If you want to do something for yourself - do it. You're making excuses by blaming your friend. If you want/need to go jogging, just do it. You don't need a buddy to jog with - you need a pair of running shoes and the will to do it.

2. If you're making healthy food for your kids can you really not just make a bit more and eat the same as them? I don't understand why you're eating bread when they're eating veggies. Many veggies aren't hugely expensive if you buy them in bulk (I'm talking carrots, parsnips, potatoes, leeks, etc). You can buy packs of stewing veggies for pence in my local supermarket and yes, I know bread is also cheap, but if you're making food for everyone else can you honestly not afford to make one extra portion? I'm sorry, but it sounds like more excuses. You must also eat a lot of bread to have gained 75lbs.

Thank you for your feedback Juneau.

Unforunately being someone with low self-esteem means that you are highly self conscious of your environment, and no, I am not making excuses on the contrary, I was asking if you could guide me in maybe getting the confidence to start.

I wish I was living near you then, with regards to buying vegetables, as it s very very expensive where I live, and I do buy in bulk (when I can) but with hungry children who would like seconds and sometimes thirds, it is not always possible. And not they are not overweight - they are highly active, and in fact under the average weight.

But thank you for your response.

Why don't you come and join us on the Bootcamp threads? There are around 80 of us signed up to low carbing? Week 2 starts on Monday, but you can just join anyway!

Lots of help and support from others who are in the same or similar situation - and some lovely recipes as well, to make it easier to know what to cook

How it all started

The signing up thread

The current thread

And the recipe thread

Our next 'official' weigh-in is tomorrow, so you could use that as your start date if you want to?

Come and look at this thread

No calorie counting, no points, no judging, just a common sense approach to eating.

I agree with juneau about the veg though. Eat less bread and more veg would be a good start and needed cost any more.

Do come and look at our thread. We are very nice and it is a lovely supportive thread.

BIWIWhoMustBeObeyed and BigBoobiedBertha thank you for your feedback it is very much appreciated.

I really wish I knew where you were all living to buy cheap, good quality vegetables, which can set me back about £10-£15 at a time (and I do not mean the radiated vegetables that just slip under the FSA radar) or the vegetables that are so genetically modified they are almost another species.

Though we are living almost hand-to-mouth, I ensure that they have good quality food as often as humanly possible.

Will definitely check out those threads.

Thank you for time and non-judgement!

Whilst I accept that vegetables are expensive, I don't believe that its possible to be 70lbs overweight from eating bread - clearly you are eating too much of it.

Whilst I am an advocate of low carb eating, its true that protein and veg costs more than bread and pasta. That all being said calorie counting does work, so if you ate less of what you have you'd lose weight.

I also think that you shouldn't blame your friend - you could do an exercise dvd at home, go jogging on your own, borrow a bike etc.

Also, I am not sure I buy into the view that its more important for your children to eat a balanced diet than for you. You say they eat crisps and chocolate in moderation - why not cut that out and replace with bread so you can have more to spend on veg.

re: the veg, I shop in tesco and tinned tomatoes, value carrots & onions frozen broccoli and cauliflower are all cheap. 4 tins of chopped tomatoes, a bag of onions carrots, broccoli and cauliflower would be around £5 and should keep you going for most of the week. Also veg in markets, just before best before date and make into soups. Eggs also v cheap.

re: the radiated veg not really sure what on earth you are on about.

"and I do not mean the radiated vegetables that just slip under the FSA radar) or the vegetables that are so genetically modified they are almost another species."

what do you mean by this??? confused.

Last May I weighed nearly 15 stones [207 pounds]. I have lost 4 stones [56 pounds].
I still eat [wholemeal] bread every day, I just eat less.
As for fruit and veg. I buy what is cheapest, tinned tomatoes, carrots, tinned peaches, frozen spinach etc.
For exercise I do swimming. I go on my own. I go to work out, not socialise. Otherwise I do lots of walking and things indoors [push ups, squats etc]. Another option would be exercising to a DVD.
There are ways of losing weight in your set of circumstances.

I think its great that you are working so hard to feed your children a healthy well balanced diet, I think its very very important. However, I do worry about what message you are sending them if you do not eat a well balanced diet also, you deserve to eat well too! In fact, if something happened to you because of your poor diet, extra weight then that wouldnt be good for your children. Can I recommend the couch to 5k to get you jogging? I've done it recently and I was always self conscious but with this it made me feel less so. Good luck and I hope you can find the strength to change the things you are unhappy with.

Have you considered that if you are eating a poor diet lacking in vitamins and minerals that you may actually be malnourished? Your metabolism has probably gone into starvation mode as your body tries to cling on to all the goodness it can from the food you eat. A more healthy diet would make it less likely that you would put on weight and would probably help with the aches and pains you have.

You do come across as being slightly martyred in your OP- that your poor diet, weigh gain and lack of exercise are as a result of things happening to you rather than choices you are making for yourself.

I'm mystified by the 'radiated veg' comments too. Is the bread you eat organic then? And if you're only buying organic on a very limited budget then I'm not surprised you're struggling. Your reasoning is bizarre - you're far more worried about fertiliser on vegetables than the fact that you're courting Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, etc if you don't get your weight under control.

I would like to add, every tv programme on weightloss that I have ever seen incorporates walking and climbing steps as part of the exercise regime. Both completely free, effective, and 'doable' by the average person.
If jogging isn't possible for you at the moment then do some more walking. Use your bottom stair for stepping.
In other words, stop looking for reasons to fail. I speak as someone who has done it , you just have to get down to it, accept responsibility for your own health and do it!

foreverondiet thank you for your comment it is very much appreciated.

Yes, I have a Tesco; however, the salt in the can of tomatoes if more than in two packet of crisps (not sure would like to give my children that amount of salt). Fresh tomatoes are £2.00 a bag. Bag of onions and carrots are £1 each, which I buy. However, the broc, cauli, auber and other vegetable are NOT cheap, especially the fruit.

Having a budget and weighing the odds against cheap, unhealthy, and healthy and a little more the healthy wins out everytime.

In addition, if you believe that the fruits and vegetable that sit on the shelves for weeks on end are not 'treated' even the foods in the cans than you really to read some of the information from the FSA about contamination levels and acceptable levels of radition.

Thank you again.

Low-carb, and lower standards re: veg are what's needed, I think. Gary Taubes' book 'Why we get fat and what to do about it', has a fascinating section on how extremely poor societies have managed to become obese and malnourished simultaneously. Eating little but bread would certainly do it.

Totally echo BIWI (surprise) - come and join the thread she linked and do next week. Low carb changes people's lives!

PS, if you really are having difficulties with your food budget I would suggest you try www.moneysavingexpert.com

fatlazymummy - thank you!!

That will really help. My self esteem is rock bottom, so some one else like you who maybe understands is nice. I cannot afford a gym, so using a DVD would be a better option.

The only thing I will say however, is I am not a fan of canned foods. But thank you again!!!

[Clicked the button too early] .The old style board has lots of suggestions on feeding the family on a budget, plus there are specific threads on weightloss.

Frozen veg is a good option.

NatashaBee and Ifancyanewname thank you for your suggestions!!

Very much appreciated!!!

MTTC - your posts are very interesting & I think get to the root of your problem. You sound like that while you are dissatisfied with your weight, you blame others for this (your friend who failed to commit to exercise together, and perhaps the demands of parenting) are dismissive of any argument that change is possible. The trouble is of course that a person who is in denial can't be made to see it.

Your posts actually come across as follows:

1. I have children whose welfare comes first - As long as I feed them properly, I'm allowed to eat poorly myself. The fact that they eat well and that I eat badly is a testament to how good a parent I am. I should be congratulated on how well they have turned out.
2. I can't afford to diet. I lost my job and I'm not to blame for my financial problems. Really healthy fruit and veg is expensive. Cheap fruit and veg is tainted and so I'm doing the right thing to avoid it and eat poorly. If you really believed that, you wouldn't take so much care with your children's diet. Why do you think they deserve to eat well more than you? You are just as important, and not just because you have to be there for them.
3. My friends drag me down. I can't exercise if no one will help me do it.

You need a firm kick back to reality. If your health is a mess, then your family will suffer. Weight related illnesses are by and large avoidable through healthy lifestyle, diet and exercise.

You sound as though you have posted on this thread to prove to yourself there is no solution to your problem. But it's really your choice. Do you want to change things for yourself and your family or not?

Thistledew thank you for your comment!

And yes, reading about body and high carbs does alter the way in which the body digests and metabolises its food.

However, martyr, no far from it. My priorities are revolve around the children.

Do my children come first - absolutely, whether its buying food, clothes, going to the doctor, dentist - but that is no martyrdom that is how I feel as a mother.

Asking for help in how to get started, is me trying to start to get myself in the picture a little more.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment!

fatlazymummy - thank you for taking the time to comment, it is very much appreciated.

Yes I am absolutely responnsible for myself, and now, I guess I am seeing myself for what I have become and trying to ask for help in where to start.

And your suggestions may help!!

Thank you again!

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