**Guidance for a mother who has gained more than 70lbs in four years**

[MTTC]

Before the children, weight was 120lbs, now four years later, 195lbs. This is primarily due to the less active lifestyle (staying at home after losing job) and dramatic change in diet (can only eat what I can afford due to extraordinary drop in income).

I know all there is to know about a healthy balanced diet. The children get a very well balanced diet; do not eat junk food (never an advocate of fast food and cannot afford it more importantly), and they eat vegetables everyday (no exceptions) and fresh fruit when it is bought. No carbonated drinks; chocolate and crisps in moderation. There is a cooked meal everyday (yes, everyday) for the children; their meals planned daily, covering the recommended food groups, but as a parent, if there is not enough food to go around, I eat what I can, so at times (more than not) having a balanced diet does not apply to me; usually end up eating bread. Due to my dedication to the chidlren they are bright, happy and are not aware (and should definitely not be) of the pressures in the household due to the financial restraints.

In order to attempt a change personal lifestyle, more so, in fitness, I asked a ?friend? to join me in attempting to lose weight by jogging (which is what we used to do with her many years ago). At first, she said yes, but made excuses four times in succession (with low self- esteem, and feeling very self-conscious I needed the moral support of someone with me). Then she stated that, ?I had not gained that much weight? and did not need to do anything as I ?carried it well?. I told her a 75lb weight gain in four years was significant. We ended up arguing, and she said there are more important things going on in the world then worrying about weight!

I understand there are far more important issues going on in the world (the daily news does not let you forget), but I would like to do something for myself - for once. I can feel the pain in the lower back, and the rolls of fat under the skin at my sides. My knees are painful at times, especially going up and down stairs, and sometimes I get out of breath, and also noticed a small pain in the centre of my chest during the night when lay down.

I believe I need to do something before it gets to a point where I will not be able to it without medical assistance.

So, how do I do it? how do I make the first step in changing the way I look, when there is limited time, money, and lack of confidence?

Any honest advice will be appreciated, as I just need that extra push from those who (are not my 'friend') may understand that it is not the when it is the how - thank you.

Gincognito - Thank you, yes that is a much better option!

I read about frozen vegetables just after your comment and the benefits against fresh and frozen vegetables retains the integrity of the food for greater than fresh which degrades after it is harvested.

Thank you for your help!!!!

fatlazymummy - thank you for your comment on 'moneysavingexpert' have used that as my go to for years and has really helped in the past.

Thank you for your suggestion.

I do sympathise re:limited money, it's much nicer to be able to afford to fill up on fresh fish, fresh veg etc. I am sure that if you were willing to post your typical food shopping people would be more than happy to suggest healthy meals for you.

Must admit tho from my personal experience of weight gain, I agree with the poster that it's better to prioritise the established risks of weight gain (diabetes/joints/heart) than the less certain risks of bog standard supermarket veg. I am also concerned about how low you place your welfare - it's like the oxygen mask on an airplane analogy - you need to help yourself first at times to be able to help others.

In terms of exercise, brisk walking is all you need, and I find it much less embarassing to do by myself than attempting jogging/running. If you can't afford exercise DVDs you can often find versions of them of admittedly dubious provenance on youtube.

could you try substituting ryvita for bread when you are snacking, with say low fat soft cheese or spread or a smidgeon of humous. I do sympathise again with the bread, when I was skint tho it was far too easy for a meal substitute to creep up to 4 slices of bread and butter.

MTTC - do you have a lidl or aldi - very good for cheap veg. and MUCH cheaper than Tesco which I find really pricey. If you have a Morrison, they often have 30p bags of carrots, apples etc...

Also, I find lentils can really bulk out a curry or stew, and much healthier than bread and cheaper!

I am considering doing Davina DVD 3 times a week. Running is great, but you may want to warm up to it, it can be quite harsh on your knees and back if you are carrying excess weight, so maybe do some home dvd, steps, walking first?

HTH

You can buy bags of frozen stir fry veg and grilled Mediterranean veg, add a piece of protein - say a piece of fish (coley is far cheaper than cod, trout cheaper than salmon) and you are done. Eggs are a big part of the low-carb diet - Aldi's free range are far cheaper than other supermarkets. No fruit in this way of eating so money saved there. But frozen fruit like berries are great to have in the freezer to add to porridge or baking (for the children obviously ) and cheaper. Also less waste than buying fresh.

Good to see you on BIWIs thread. A week low-carbing will give you the boost you need - we've all been where you are.

BlackSwan - Thank you for your comment it is good to know how someone else reads my thread. And though I may not agree with what you say, I do appreciate you taking the time to respond.

First and foremost, what I wrote on this thread is the tip of the ice-berg there are a lot of other things that have happened over the years that I have not mentioned on this thread. It it too painful and knocked-me-for-six.

I am not so sure how honest my friend was being with me, about wanting to help. She is 245lbs and loves being big, I have told her, I feel that I need to do something. She did actually OFFER, so I am not sure, how she really feels - blaming her, no, I just needed her support at that time.

Thank you again, it gave me food for thought!!!

TheLightPassenger - Thank you for taking the time to comment- your post acutally gave me a chuckle (missing for a while). You actually seem to understand the situation with regards to poverty and food. To say that we are living on the 'edge' would be giving us too much.

I am not making excuses, but at you mentioned, picking at bread is so easy and cheap. And yes I put my welfare, so low down the ladder, it is not worth mentioning.

But I am going to try, to start, and figured this would be a good place to do it - grab myself a little a piece of the world.

Thank you again!!

Jenski - Thank you for taking the time to comment!

Morrison have 30p bag of vegetables - which sounds great!!! - We have one a few miles away, so I will definitely try that - never shopped at morrisons before (I don't kno why???).

Thank you again!!!

ohforfoxsake - Thanks for your comment and suggestions.

I am going to weigh myself and use this as a starting point. I will write the details on the thread later today.

Thank you for your encouragement.

I have put on the same amount of weight through having children, and disability, It is a battle, I will freely admit.

I think one way through this is to see weight loss and exercise as your main hobby from now on, and gain some pleasure from the process.

1. Spending time hunting down healthy food bargains is a start, for example at the end of the day at local markets and supermarkets. You need to feel very 'Moneysupermarket', as they say, with a real sense of victory. If real bargains are not available, tinned and frozen fruit and vegetables are a completely realistic alternative from a nutrition point of view.

1. Local gyms probably have free trials of 1-3 days, so you could start doing the rounds as a way of kick-starting the process.

1. If you walk briskly for an hour a day (all added up) then you can never be all that unhealthy. You may not lose weight but you certainly won't lose fitness.

1. If you can borrow a bike, you could start going on longer and longer trips until you think nothing of cycling 5+ miles to visit a market or whatever.

1. Enter everything you eat into Myfitnesspal.com.

These things are simple steps and work for a lot of people on MN with similar problems. Good luck!

As the quality of your vegetables is a very high priority to you, I would suggest you try growing some of your own [assuming you have some outdoor space], that way you know exactly what you are eating. Perhaps you could even try some 'frugal' sites for advice on foraging wild food [how many people in poorer societies survive].
Re your friend, it sounds as if she isn't ready to lose weight yet. I have lost weight and got fitter on my own. There are literally thousands of weight loss threads on many different forums, just keep trying them until you find some that are helpful and supportive to you personally. What suits one person doesn't suit everyone. As you start to lose weight [and you can] you will start to feel and look so much better, and that will motivate you.
Good luck!

Perhaps try this free CBT programme as well, so you don't talk yourself out of success?

Mood Gym

MTTC - what I've realised this week is what you eat dictates how you feel about yourself.

A week ago I was full of self-loathing, do down on myself I was crying. One week on I feel I'm in control again, I don't feel as though I'm wading through treacle and the fog in my head has lifted. It's not just about what I see on the scales, but well-being. Your children need to see you eat well and look after yourself.

Try to get to the supermarket at the end of the day to pick up bargains (Waitrose and M&S start reducing things at lunchtime and you can get some fab bargains) make casseroles using cheap cuts of meat and reduced price or frozen veg. Freeze them then use the next weeks shopping budget for fresh veg to go with them.

BoffinMum - Thank you for both your comments!!

They both provide very good suggestions and I can definitely do a few of those!!

Thank you again!!

I've done a post on using organic veg boxes this week, for people on limited budgets following my financial crisis diet;

Austerity Housekeeping

fatlazymummy - Absolutely not just the vegetables but all the foods the eat.

Both my children suffer with a medical condition which means that I cannot just grab anything (did not mention before as I wanted to keep the thread about my situation) and though their needs are being met, unfortunately I have let mine slip. Which I am addressing now!!

Thank you again for your time!!!

ohforfoxsake - Thank you again for taking the time to comment!!

Will try to do that, I am sure the children would love to go on a 'quest' for yellow stickers (I think they believe that all items (food/non-foods) should have a yellow sticker!).

I actually make cass, stews, roasts (veg/meat), pies...etc and tend to cook to last for a few days. I have always cooked a range of foods that is quite diverse (how I was raised) as I actually enjoy cooking. The fav at the moment is homemade Cannelloni, homemade pizza and homemade apricot crumble!!

Thank you again!!

Boffinmum great blog, thankyou!

Frozen veg is amazing. It's not treated/sprayed etc in the same way as tinned or even some fresh veg, as it doesn't need to make it fresh to the supermarket shelf. And it often has more nutrients frozen in the 'fresh' veg does as it is frozen so quickly after picking.

I assume by 'radiated veg' you mean you're feeding your family organic food? Is that right? Can you talk to us a bit more about your food shopping budget, what you're buying, and what you're cooking? I'm sure some MNers would be happy to look and give some budgeting tips - there are plenty of people here (including me) cooking organically and healthily one very little money.

Also, and I hate to judge on so little information, you sound absolutely convinced that external factors are stopping you losing weight. Is that the case? If so, you might need to look carefully at why you think that and what you can do about it. Possibly you're a bit depressed (not as in actual black depression, but a bit down) about your financial/life situation and that's stopping you taking full responsibility for the situation? I think that unless you have a big medical issue with public spaces/social interaction (in which case you should see the doc to help), you should be able to take responsibility for getting out and walking and being active with for kids, as a starting point. You say they're very active - what do you do while they're being active? Are they are school? Do you work?

Sorry, cross post as I've had this window open for a while!

BoffinMum - The website is great! Lots of information - Thank you !!

Good idea BoffinMum, that website is great.

If you can find a copy of the Idiot Proof Diet in a charity shop (I did - bright pink cover), it's a great intro to low carb, written by two mums who have been there. It offers great psychological support.

Good luck MTTC! See you over at BIWI's :o

If you have low self esteem and find it too daunting to jog by yourself then start off with walking. Its not necessary to jog to lose weight. Its more important to control your food.

Cut down your bread to 2 slices a day and start making veg and lentil soups if you need something cheap but healthy for yourself.
A bag of lentils will last ages. Cans of pulses are also good to add to stews. If you feel that there's not enough of the main meal for you, try filling your own plate with some pulses and just having a little of the main meal.
Frozen veg is a good option too.

Good luck!

Gincognito - Thank you! - Have just added my weigh in!!