Should I pay for my daughter’s wedding?

[KnittingMam]

My younger daughter is getting married next summer and my husband and I are unsure whether we should contribute towards the costs. We paid for our elder daughter’s wedding a few years ago, but she and her partner were a bit younger and didn’t have as much money behind them. Our daughter, who’s getting married next year, and her and her partner have good jobs. They own their own house and have a son together so we don’t feel as though they particularly need any financial assistance. Is that a fair way to look at it or should we treat both our daughters equally and put something towards the wedding?!

Treat them the same
Give the money unconditionally (i.e to use for wedding , honeymoon or to support ongoing married life)

If you want to have a good relationship with your children and you want them to have a good relationship with each other then you have to treat them both the same.

If the goal is to tear a hole in your family then by all means crack on with your current mode of thinking.

Equal treatment all the way.

Of course you should treat them the same.

This is so obviously a reverse it should come with two white lights and a siren.

I call reverse - nobody could be this dim surely… You obvs treat them equally - unless you actually want family fall outs, disharmony, etc…

You should give your daughter the equivalent of what you gave to your other daughter. Treat them equally.

I'd talk to them about it - see if they want some help. They may also say no for the wedding but they'd love the same kind of help for 'x' or 'y'. Unless you've already given them a wodge of cash for a deposit on a house or something.

If this is a reverse (I can’t believe it’s not), then have you spoken with your parents OP?

No. It’s just my two DDs. Admittedly we did pay for all of our elder daughter’s wedding, which you can imagine wasn’t cheap, but we did have quite a few friends there, which I know my younger daughter wouldn’t want as she wants a much smaller wedding. I don’t know, our younger daughter has always seemed so more independent and as she’s 10 years older than her sister was when she got married and has her little boy, I just don’t know whether she’d want us to pay for anything 🤷‍♀️

😂

But yes, of course you should treat them equally.

Let them decide as it’s their wedding - offer them the same contribution but be ok with it if they decline.
My parents significantly contributed to my older sister’s wedding, paying for the reception, because she wanted something bigger than she could afford (despite being in a well paying profession). When we got married, independent adults in employment, we felt we should not be taking handouts from OAPs, so we simply planned a wedding which we could afford ourselves.
My sister still complains about the input our parents into her wedding (requesting space for a couple of friends of theirs). Whereas we simply had a small wedding we wanted.
People, and even sisters, are different. Treat your daughter as an adult and give her the choice.

No, only pay for the wedding of your favourite daughter 🙄

Can you afford to give her the same or a similar amount? If you can, I’d talk to her and say you’d like to help her in the same way you helped your other daughter. She might say no, or she might really appreciate it. You could even offer to put it towards the honeymoon or something else they need.

If you can’t afford the same amount, I’d still have the conversation. Just be honest about what you can manage and say you’d still like to contribute if she’d be comfortable with that.

I genuinely think it’s worth offering, especially if you helped your other daughter.

“We paid for our elder daughter’s wedding a few years ago”

So contribute to your younger daughter’s wedding. It’s nothing to do with money and everything to do with perception. Your younger DD will regard it as favouring your elder DD if you don’t offer to pay towards her wedding. No matter how well placed she is, a contribution will not go amiss.

So ask.
For DS we paod for half the reception. DIL's parents and DS/DIL paid for the rest.

For DD we are paying for half the reception, future Son on Law's parents are contributing half. We are paying for: invotations/printing/cake/flowers, etc. DD and BF will pay for any extra they want - probably few.

Even stevens

If she doesn't want you to pay than that's her decision but at least make the (genuine) offer.

I'd have a conversation and say you want to make an equal contribution. I wouldn't be paying for the wedding though, let them choose how to spend it.

Of course you should treat them equally.
You love them equally, right? And you wouldn't want them to think otherwise, I presume.

This.

How could you not know this was coming down the line? You surely budgeted for it?

We gave both of our DC a lump sum of money when they got married. They could use it towards their wedding, house, honeymoon, whatever. We didn’t expect to have anyone on the guest list – it was their wedding.

But if you have two children, you have to treat them the same whatever their circumstances.

You should give her the same amount but also know that that doesn't entitle you to invite friends to the wedding. It's ice that your other daughter did but the money should be unconditional.

Equally! I’m suspicious this is a reverse and this is the non-favourite daughter posting though…

Ask her. Offer to hand over cash and no obligations to invite your friends or for it be somewhere you like. The happy couple can use the money for whatever they like then.

Only if they're mercenary twats surely?