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Original poster

My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

521 replies

WildflowerGardens · 29/07/2025 10:20

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

OP posts:
SpicyMarge98 · 29/07/2025 10:21

First thing is whats he said when you've asked him about it/asked why shes only invited to evening?

weddinghelp2026 · 29/07/2025 10:21

Advice is- it's his wedding and whilst it's okay to be disappointed he can invite who he wants to whichever bit he wants.

GoldDuster · 29/07/2025 10:22

I wouldn't insert yourself in this. If your mother has got an issue she needs to address it with him, not his aunt.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/07/2025 10:23

Are you invited to the whole thing?

Cynic17 · 29/07/2025 10:24

As with all these threads, it is the right of the couple getting married to invite (or not) whoever they want. There may be lots of reasons. Just smile and wish them well.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 29/07/2025 10:24

Well, on the face of it, it's a bit shit to exclude granny, but he may well have his reasons.

And whether his reasons are justified or not, it's his wedding and therefore his decision.

You need to stay out of it, I'm afraid.

NC18264 · 29/07/2025 10:26

What does your sibling/your nephews mum or dad think? I think it’s a bit rubbish granny not being invited to the ceremony but equally there may be a whole host of reasons you aren’t aware of. It’s not really your place to do anything about this.

dogcatkitten · 29/07/2025 10:28

I would tell him he's being mean to his GM and he should invite her to the wedding. He may not have realised it would upset her and thought he was doing the right thing in that she wouldn't have to stand about for the actual wedding or get from the wedding to the reception and would be nice and comfortable being able to just sit at the reception.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/07/2025 10:29

If you have been fortunate enough to be invited for the whole day, you could give up your invitation for your mother.

weddinghelp2026 · 29/07/2025 10:30

This is bonkers advice @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon - we have no idea why GM isn't invited! Wedding invitations aren't interchangeable.

WitchesofPainswick · 29/07/2025 10:30

This struck me in your OP: "she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t" - has she ever visited him?

(I'm assuming if she can travel for a wedding, she can visit her grandson occasionally?)

Cece92 · 29/07/2025 10:31

Sorry but if he’s got a good relationship with his gran then it’s a bit shitty not to invite her. My grans 83 with dementia and I’d be devastated if she wasn’t at my wedding as would she. She wouldn’t be able to stay the fully night but I’d want her at the actual wedding. Poor granny

BaronessBomburst · 29/07/2025 10:31

Unless there's a backstory, or a really tiny wedding with only room for half a dozen guests, this is a dick move and it needs to be pointed out to him.

Sassybooklover · 29/07/2025 10:33

I would be wondering at the state of his relationship with his grandmother, in all honesty. Is the wedding local, meaning his grandmother hasn't got a huge distance to travel? Is every other family member invited to the entire day, apart from his grandmother. Have you spoken to him regarding her exclusion? Have you spoken to your sibling regarding the situation? Why doesn't your nephew visit his grandmother? Were they close when he was younger? Ultimately, you can't do anything about it, other than tell your nephew or your sibling, how disappointed your Mum is. To only invite a grandparent to the reception only, without a real reason behind it, is odd....unless there's a reason you aren't aware about.

MrBootsMedicine · 29/07/2025 10:36

How it went for us, we talked to PIL about wedding in general terms before the wedding was even booked but we were engaged. They were asking us questions like how will Grandad get there? He lives 60 miles from where we were getting married.The wedding was in our hometown where our parents and families all lived. How will he get from the church to the reception because he doesn't drive? This was all loaded onto us. Then it would be that people needed to be rallying around Grandad making sure he could do the long walk from the church car park up to the church, who would be doing that? Who would be seeing him to his seat? My response was as the bride I won't even be a the church until the last second and surely this is for you to talk to your Dad about. Not horribly just we had enough on our plate without adding in logistics for other people. We did invite him and he declined on ill health grounds as by the time the wedding was actually happening 2 years later his health was worse. He was 81.

Maybe this is a similar situation with your Mum. What is her health like? Would the Mother of the Groom have to have caring duties throughout the wedding? There is a world of difference between arriving and mainly sitting for an evening reception and the whole wedding, photos, standing around waiting for your slot.

Why don't you just ask the groom? Find out why only an evening invite.

purplecorkheart · 29/07/2025 10:37

It is hard to say op without knowing more details. Is he your sister or brother's son? Are you invited to the full day? Are they actually getting married that day or are they have the actualy wedding part another day?

LadyDanburysHat · 29/07/2025 10:39

I think this is something for your sibling to deal with and not for you to get involved in.

Billybagpuss · 29/07/2025 10:41

What does his parents say? As the aunt it’s your job to agree with granny that it’s shitty but otherwise stay out of it. I do believe he’ll regret it in years to come.

I was going to start a similar thread as my mum is the same age but in not the best health so it may be a moot point by the time, but dd is getting married next year. if my mum comes to the wedding she will only be able to cope with the ceremony and the meal. My day as mother of the bride will be spent getting myself ready, getting mum ready (lives 20 mins away no way of her staying anywhere else) battling with a wheelchair whilst dressed in my finery, missing dd getting ready whilst all this is going on, driving mum to venue an hour away, getting mum settled, I may then get chance to have a few moments with dd before the ceremony, getting mum to photos etc. then getting her settled at the meal area (add any mum personal care into all of this). Then taking mum home and getting her settled whilst driving back myself. (2 hour trip) So I won’t be able to have so much as have a glass of bubbles during the toast and will miss most of the day driving mum around. No she won’t consider outside care during all this. However I will do all of this as happily as I can, I can’t deny there won’t be a little disappointment on my part at missing large chunks of it, for mum to attend the wedding of her oldest granddaughter and for dd to look back on the pictures with granny in them in 20 years time.

is it possible that there are reasons like this behind his decision?

Lafufufu · 29/07/2025 10:42

What have his parents (your siblings) got to say about this?

Portions · 29/07/2025 10:43

I would normally say it's up to the couple who they invite, especially when it's a long winded connection and the person thinks they should have been invited just because they want to tag along with the people who are really wanted there, or think their kids are equivalent to the actual family.

A grandmother really ought to be there, though. Even if there were tensions at some level between other guests, if not with the couple, I don't see why a grandson would exclude her and would have to tell him.

Huggersunite · 29/07/2025 10:46

Well, on the face of it, it's a bit shit to exclude granny, but he may well have his reasons.

^this, who knows. Families are not all the same so there is no one set of rules that applies across the board.

Paradoes · 29/07/2025 10:47

Very unusual behaviour if there is no backstop but I wouldn't get involved

RaininSummer · 29/07/2025 10:49

Superficially it sounds very mean. Maybe there is some problem but also he may have just assumed that she wouldn't go because of travel,age etc so didn't invite her. My daughter didn't invite my mum but only because she had already said that she wouldn't attend.

CandyCane457 · 29/07/2025 10:54

No advice necessary. You can’t do anything, you don’t need to be advised. It’s a shame but ultimately it’s his wedding and not for you to be getting involved in.

Visun · 29/07/2025 10:54

That's mean. You should definitely ask him why his grandmother is excluded. If there isn't a good reason, I wouldn't bother going myself. Hopefully others in the family will follow suit.

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