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Original poster

My nephew (30) hasn’t invited his grandma to his wedding next year

521 replies

WildflowerGardens · 29/07/2025 10:20

I am a woman whose nephew, who is 30, is getting married next year to his fiancée. He earns a good wage as a software developer.

He and my mother - his grandmother - are on good terms but don’t see each other - she’d love for him to visit but he doesn’t. It’s now emerged that she has only been invited to his wedding RECEPTION next year and not the wedding ceremony

I feel upset about this as my mother is 81 and this could be her last family wedding. It means that she won’t be in any of the family wedding photos - having a snapshot taken at the reception in some dark pub function room pales in comparison.

advice please!

OP posts:
Zov · 29/07/2025 12:02

WildflowerGardens · 29/07/2025 11:59

They don’t speak because he’s bad at keeping in touch - she sends cards and messages but he never bothers to respond

Show quote history

This is pretty much proof that your nephew isn't as close to his gran as you think he is. Sadly, his gran seems to be a lot more invested in your nephew than he is in her. She needs to rein in all the attention, messages, cards, and gifts, because clearly he is not as bothered about their relationship as she is. (Sorry...)

I agree with other posters, you need to stay out of it, because it's really not your business. It's up to granny to approach your nephew if she's that bothered. (Or his mum/dad.) You're only his aunt, as a pp said, you're not his mother.

curious79 · 29/07/2025 12:04

weddinghelp2026 · 29/07/2025 10:21

Advice is- it's his wedding and whilst it's okay to be disappointed he can invite who he wants to whichever bit he wants.

so while this sort of advice is right, IMO it's also 5hit. I think you need to sit down with your son and appeal to his greater compassion. You're not asking for a litany of aunts and uncles and cousins to be involved but his very elderly grandmother - just one of her. A grandmother who possibly loves him clearly more than he has any regard for her. Assuming they have a nice relationship, distance aside, I feel his decision might be cruel, disrespectful. HOWEVER... Is there another side to this we don't know? Was she actually a nasty old bat to him as he grew up? My grandmother certainly was and leaving her out of my wedding had she been alive might have been considered!

purpleme12 · 29/07/2025 12:05

SpicyMarge98 · 29/07/2025 10:21

First thing is whats he said when you've asked him about it/asked why shes only invited to evening?

Why haven't you answered this?

Surely someone (, you or his mum or whoever) can just ask the simple question to find out what the reason actually is?

Skissors · 29/07/2025 12:05

Agree, someone should have a word with him. Tell him you would be bringing her and that the whole day would be more appropriate.

Relatives got us to invite some fairly minor relation who I personally didn't know - dhs side of family . Its what you do.

notanothersummercold · 29/07/2025 12:05

BaronessBomburst · 29/07/2025 10:31

Unless there's a backstory, or a really tiny wedding with only room for half a dozen guests, this is a dick move and it needs to be pointed out to him.

I agree!!

Zov · 29/07/2025 12:06

Skissors · 29/07/2025 12:05

Agree, someone should have a word with him. Tell him you would be bringing her and that the whole day would be more appropriate.

Relatives got us to invite some fairly minor relation who I personally didn't know - dhs side of family . Its what you do.

Do you?! Confused If someone tells you how to run your wedding, and that you need to invite some random distant relative you barely know/never see, you would bow down and invite them? Seriously?! Good grief!

Sparklesandbananas · 29/07/2025 12:08

I don’t get on with my grandma any more and she wouldn’t be invited to any wedding of mine if I was to get married. I barely see her for personal reasons that are valid. I only see her because another relative invited her along to there gathering. Does he have his reasons? Has anything happened? Could just be that he is being cruel and not involving her in ceremony. Ask him maybe and bring it up with him. It’s his wedding his rules.

Christwosheds · 29/07/2025 12:09

Church wedding’s are public, anyone can attend, so not inviting her to the church, but to the reception, quite weird, if it’s that type of wedding.
I’m not sure what the rules are re other locations, but as weddings are supposed to be public to allow people to contest the Union, then. I would imagine the rules may be same ? I’m curious now .
Generally it’s the reception that has fewer invitations due to budget or space limitations, I’ve never heard of someone only being invited to the reception, what is the point ? Even more so a grandchild, when the lovely bit is seeing them get married and the reception might drag on and get tiring.
Unless his Grandmother has been incredibly unkind to him, then leaving out a Grandparent is a pretty shitty thing to do. Surely along with parents, Grandparents are always invited, unless someone is eloping and only having witnesses.
We had a small wedding, so couldn’t invite wider family. We did invite our one remaining Grandmother, our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins.

PrincessOfPreschool · 29/07/2025 12:10

Why is the ceremony a different invitation? Usually anyone can go to the church and only invited people go to the reception. I'm confused. Is the church difficult to access? Does she need a wheelchair? Were they worried it would be uncomfortable. Surely it doesn't cost more to have extra guests to the ceremony bit.

Anyway, it could just be an oversight. I was invited to someone's reception which I was surprised about, old friend I hadn't seen for a few years, DH didn't even know him. He was really embarrassed when I RSVPd 'yes' (mostly to see mutual friend) as they didn't think I had been invited. I sent a pic of the invitation and he was shocked, there was a mix up in invitations!! I offered not to come to reception but he kept insisting so it was a bit awkward all round.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 29/07/2025 12:10

I don't think this is your business to interfere. If gran would like to ask, then she needs to speak to her child / his parent, or to him directly. Nothing is to be gained from turning this into a family bunfight with everyone involved.

Frogs88 · 29/07/2025 12:11

Maybe ask him? Are you invited to the whole day? Could be many reasons like he thinks she won’t be able to manage the whole day or they aren’t that close/ only a small wedding. My sibling recently got married and only immediate family was invited (parents, siblings/siblings partners and nieces/nephews.) I think that’s quite common for small weddings.

KiteFlight · 29/07/2025 12:11

WildflowerGardens · 29/07/2025 11:59

They don’t speak because he’s bad at keeping in touch - she sends cards and messages but he never bothers to respond

Show quote history

In that case it sounds like he doesn’t like her much, so it’s understandable if he doesn’t want her there, even if it’s not understandable to you and the wider family.

A wedding day is when people are allowed to have it exactly as they want it without following any social norms, it’s a day that is only about the bride and groom.

I think if you make a drama out of it you will just end up on the list of family members he doesn’t like very much. Leave him to make his own choices. The only say you have is choosing whether you still go or not.

Tartanboots · 29/07/2025 12:12

Are you invited OP? Can you take your mum as your plus one? Aren't ceremonies supposed to be public, receptions are usually the main thing to be invited to. Saying it's going to be a dark pub is a bit judgy.

freerangethighs · 29/07/2025 12:21

noidea69 · 29/07/2025 11:29

Going to be the bad guy here, and say its not him who's decided this its fiancee, lets be honest, final say on the invites is never down to the husband.

"why does your grandma need to come, we never see her"

Out of curiosity, what happens with same-sex couples? It's going to be very confusing especially for MLM, when they discover that having a penis impedes making any decisions about the guest list.

OP, it's fine to ask your nephew tactfully about grandma, if that seems natural based on your relationship with him. Otherwise maybe ask your sibling? This is a lot of worry if it's an oversight or mistake, and if it's not it might as well be dealt with so people can make firm plans and this isn't festering in the background.

Cherrytree86 · 29/07/2025 12:23

He sounds like a prick.

ooooohlala · 29/07/2025 12:23

My grandad wasn’t at my wedding because he had early dementia and was really scared by new people and places. People who he just saw in familiar places had no idea. I did get a few Qs about where he was, which of course I was happy to answer.

Of course you would probably know that particular thing about your own mum. But my point is - perhaps a polite enquirer (to DNephews mum?) is the best way to go, not jumping to making a fuss.

luckylavender · 29/07/2025 12:24

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/07/2025 10:29

If you have been fortunate enough to be invited for the whole day, you could give up your invitation for your mother.

Surely if the couple had wanted to invite her then they would. I would definitely not do this.

Ohthatsabitshit · 29/07/2025 12:26

Just phone him up and ask him why your Mum hasn’t been invited.

Sneel · 29/07/2025 12:26

They’re not close, regardless of the cards sent, either she doesn’t go to the reception or she goes and has fun seeing everyone.

WhatNoRaisins · 29/07/2025 12:31

What this boils down to is how will he respond to someone telling him that he is treating grandma badly? Is there someone diplomatic or who he is close to who is likely handle it well?

ZenNudist · 29/07/2025 12:32

My grandma in law didn't come to our wedding. She was bed bound.

My family member did this and didn't invite 90+ yo grandma to a far away wedding. Grandma died soon after. She was mobile and well enough at the time and it upset her.

I do think that it's between your nephew and your sibling.

Womblingmerrily · 29/07/2025 12:32

You're his aunt. It really isn't any of your business unless there's a huge drip feed and his mother isn't around and you've raised him from knee high.

Bigfatsunandclouds · 29/07/2025 12:37

The replies here are harsh, a lot of men are bad at keeping in touch with grandparents it doesn't mean he doesn't like her.

People are so weird about weddings these days, and so selfish, of course his grandmother wants to see him get married and unless there is a massive drip feed that it's only parents at the ceremony I think it's awful to exclude grandparents in this way (obviously if there is any kind of no contact due to abuse then that is understandable).

mynamesnotsam · 29/07/2025 12:50

He sounds like a horrid human being. I hate the phrase "their wedding, their rules" as it just seems to sum up the massively selfish, self involved, "me me me" attitude that is wrong with the world.

Bananachimp · 29/07/2025 12:52

Why do you need advice? You don't need to get involved.