Bride having affair

[WorthyRoseWriter]

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

How do people live with themselves doing that? Crazy world.

Better to waste money on unreturned deposits than on the cheater fleecing potentially half the man's assets and pension.

I would drop out and certainly wouldn't be forking out to go abroad

I have no idea, I didn't really know her that well but was at the wedding you wouldn't have guessed anything wrong, he found out soon after. I am sure the marraige was annulled.

I would not go to a wedding if I knew one of them was having an affair

This

I would also tell her you're not going to take people's hard earned money off them for a bogus hen do for a bogus wedding.

I'd also be letting the other hens know. If I was one of them I'd be absolutely furious If I'd shelled out a shedload of money I could ill afford for the hen do and wedding, and found out later that you knew all along that it was all a complete sham.

What a shit situation to be in and what a bloody awful woman the bride is.

I’d ask her. As others have said (I know you know, but does she?)

And then I’d politely decline as MOH because quite frankly it’s a waste of everyone’s time. As for the questions, they aren’t yours to answer?

You can just say - we spoke and agreed together.

She's terrible for cheating while leading this poor man down the altar ☹️.

I hate gossips though, especially about 'friends '. The blabbermouth that told you should've spoken the bride instead of you.

Now you know, you go to your friend for whom you're a MoH and tell her you cant be a part of the shitshow, then step down. She'll then have to sort it out and decide how she proceeds.

Our friends had this situation the bride was cheating with a work colleague and when it all came to light it had started before the wedding and then been off and on for years. He then had to get a paternity test for his children. All that heartache could have been stopped if someone had known and told him.

The groom deserves to know before he commits to this skank. No way could I watch a person say wedding vows that they didn’t mean. The poor guy deserves better. I would be letting him know if this is 110% truth. I would ask he didn’t mention it was me letting him know though.

I’d drop out of i were you & you feel that way.

Isn’t your comment quite contradictory? Suggesting a lot of comments will be mind your own business (which there aren’t any that say that, more say tell him)….
but then you go on to basically say you’d mind your own business if you were in that situation?

I would pull out. I certainly wouldn’t be committing to paying for flights , hotels, activities etc on my own account knowing that at any moment the whole house of cards would collapse ,and the thought that lots of people who have paid money up front not knowing the back story could be out of pocket because I kept quiet would worry me sick.

If I were you, I'd meet up with the bride and let her know you'll no longer be participating in the wedding as you know about the affair. If people question your decision so be it. The bride has made her bed (literally).

I'd give the mutual friend a heads up immediately after speaking with the bride.

This. I could not go on with it.

Why is she marrying him?
Personally, I would drop out of duties and tell her why and also tell her I will be telling the groom if she doesn’t.

I know two different couples many years ago (separate circles), one the bride had been and continued having an affair with the best man, the other the groom had been and continued having an affair with the chief bridesmaid. Neither marriage ended well with a lot of recriminations for those who had known. DH and I didn’t know until after they split but there was still awkwardness in one of the cases as he didn’t know who to believe when they said they hadn’t a clue.

I would pull out. Think of what you could do with that money for your own family. The chances are it’s going to come out and the marriage will be up the swanny so you’re paying for what? I’d pull out and tell her why.

I would send a short message to the bride: Under the circumstances I don't want to be involved or attend any part of the wedding.

If she presses you or asks for an explanation you can add that you don't want to be part of the deception involved. And leave it like that.

If you know any of the grooms friends or family, can you mention something to them?

Blimey. Never mind the wedding, I'd be dumping her as a friend as well if I were in your shoes. Sod having people in my life who think it's okay to treat other people that way.

(I say, without knowing any further circumstances, which I guess is a tad judgey)

Drop out of planning the hen party and explain to the bride why.

To be honest, if you do drop out, and it raises questions, isn’t that a good thing?

As a pp said. If so many people already know I'd say that to the Bride.

What she is asking you to do is get involved in arrangements that will cost you and your friends a lot of money for an event that may not happen. That is asking you personally to take part in a charade and to be dishonest with them.

Tell her and then take a giant step back from this mess.

Get as much proof as you can without anyone knowing play along with it all.
Press play at the wedding speech make sure its on a very big screen get a drink and sit back and watch the show.
Make sure no one sees or finds out it was you act shocked to.
Yes im that petty.

Or just walk away from it as its not worth the drama.

This isn't just the skanky behaviour, if you say nothing you are complicit in her (as another poster has pointed out) getting 50% of everything he owns as soon as he finds out and wants a divorce. It's not fair and you need to grow a backbone and stop enabling her.

That. No way would I spend a lot of money on a hen and a destination wedding, when it might well be that it gets called off at the last minute. Nor would I want to organise taking money from others knowing that it could be completely wasted.

So yes. Time for a conversation with her.