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Original poster

Bride having affair

327 replies

WorthyRoseWriter · 25/06/2025 13:32

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

OP posts:
croydon15 · 27/06/2025 08:55

Dogaredabomb · 26/06/2025 21:06

Why though? It's not her problem, she doesn't need to stick her beak in and the bride is her friend, not the groom.

Show quote history

So you just condone anyone having an affair and deceiving their fiance.
If it was the other way round no doubt you would be screaming get rid of, don't marry him.

BCBird · 27/06/2025 09:01

I would not be able to go ahead knowing this

SlowestHorse · 27/06/2025 09:10

I’m not sure I could let the groom go ahead, even if I didn’t know him. If there’s a way to let him know (in such a way that it’s conclusive) and staying anonymous I think I’d be doing that. If not I think I might just take the hit on the friendship. I lost a good friend a few years ago because she was having an affair with a married man and I realised I was just desperately uncomfortable (a) being in his company because she wanted to socialise like they were a normal couple and (b) being good friends with someone whose values were so at odds with mine. It happens, it’s rubbish, but we all have the right to make choices (her, him and me!).

Dogaredabomb · 27/06/2025 09:28

croydon15 · 27/06/2025 08:55

So you just condone anyone having an affair and deceiving their fiance.
If it was the other way round no doubt you would be screaming get rid of, don't marry him.

Show quote history

I don't condone it, but I'm not going to police what someone else does with their sex life.

Sparklesandbananas · 27/06/2025 10:56

Plus the poor kid is either his or afair partners. Things could become very awkward.

trixylittlehobbit · 27/06/2025 12:50

If OP is old friends with the bride, maybe she is also friends with the brides family. Do you have a good relationship with her parents? Sibling? That you could confide in?
OP has been made privy to information which is only known to persons on the outer circle.
OP however seems to be on the inner circle and has a sense of duty to do something with this information that has been dumped on her.
If you speak to the bride, she will likely deny it, knowing your moral compass. Then you are no further forward. It would be good if a member of the grooms party somehow were to catch wind of this, and they could do their own investigation to have it confirmed.

BrynCethynBach · 27/06/2025 12:58

100% please tell the groom. I was in this situation in my twenties but I was the one being cheated on (by the groom.) I found out after the best man dropped out a week before because he knew about the groom cheating and didn’t want to be part of it any more. He told the groom he either had to tell me the truth or he would. So it all came out and I cancelled everything. Lost an absolute shit ton of money. But the worst thing by far was finding out that people knew (including his family) and nobody saw fit to tell me! They would have happily stood there on our wedding day and watched us get married knowing what they knew. Unforgivable in my view. There’s no going back from that really.
When it all comes out and he finds out you knew, imagine how he’ll feel. If you’re happy to have that on your conscience then that’s on you.

eastegg · 27/06/2025 13:09

BrynCethynBach · 27/06/2025 12:58

100% please tell the groom. I was in this situation in my twenties but I was the one being cheated on (by the groom.) I found out after the best man dropped out a week before because he knew about the groom cheating and didn’t want to be part of it any more. He told the groom he either had to tell me the truth or he would. So it all came out and I cancelled everything. Lost an absolute shit ton of money. But the worst thing by far was finding out that people knew (including his family) and nobody saw fit to tell me! They would have happily stood there on our wedding day and watched us get married knowing what they knew. Unforgivable in my view. There’s no going back from that really.
When it all comes out and he finds out you knew, imagine how he’ll feel. If you’re happy to have that on your conscience then that’s on you.

Sorry for what you went through.

Please tell me you got together with the best man, who turned out to be single and lovely, and lived happily ever after 🙏.

Braygirlnow · 27/06/2025 14:19

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/06/2025 14:31

If this many people know she’s cheating then surely you just say “Beth, everyone knows you’re cheating on Ben, even your sister and your Auntie Sue. You need to tell him, and I’m not helping organising any more of this wedding for you.”

This!

Braygirlnow · 27/06/2025 14:42

Pineapplecolada1 · 26/06/2025 23:04

Tell him, don’t let her ruin his life

No, what if ...(yes she said affair was definite, but without actually being there , photos or confession, i would not say she definitely knows) so what if it was just rumours? What if bride wasn't having it away with anyone? If she tells groom and it turns out not to be true!!! Imagine the shit show then and you would be the cause of it!!! I would do as a lot have said, go and speak to bride, tell her straight what's been said, if you still think she's having affair tell her you can't be involved.

blondiepigtails · 27/06/2025 16:26

2 years ago, 4 weeks before the wedding, the best man heard a rumour that the groom was cheating. Did some digging and discovered it was true. Confronted groom and advised groom that he was to tell the bride or he would. Groom eventually confessed all and bride called it all off. Bride absolutely devastated but best man said he couldn't attend a wedding that was a ticking time bomb. Very brave man. Groom mostly now disowned by many friends, had to raid his savings to pay for all the non refundable wedding stuff, including her dress. Bride now living her best life and so relieved that he no longer in her life.
I strongly recommend that you find a friend that is brave and you both confront the bride. Either she tells the groom - or you will. You will be thanked eventually - not by her of course..

MixedBananas · 27/06/2025 20:21

I wouldnt be friends with someone like that. If it is facts then say sorry adultress I can't be mates with you or attend your sham fake wedding.

Errahstop · 28/06/2025 17:48

Tell her you know and that other people know and her fiancee will find out sooner.or later.

It may be difficult to confront her with it and I totally understand your stress around that but I really don't see any other way. You will be proud of yourself for having done it. This is her mess, not yours. You don't owe her loyalty when her actions are wrong and hurting others.

aviewoftrees · 28/06/2025 17:50

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/06/2025 14:31

If this many people know she’s cheating then surely you just say “Beth, everyone knows you’re cheating on Ben, even your sister and your Auntie Sue. You need to tell him, and I’m not helping organising any more of this wedding for you.”

100% this

He needs to know the truth before they get married and she should be the one to tell him. I 100% wouldn't be organising the hen of someone having an affair.

VelcroKittie · 28/06/2025 17:52

Ellie1015 · 25/06/2025 13:50

I would pull out and hope it does raise questions. I couldn't be friends with someone cheating regularly especially while planning had own wedding.

Cheating regularly? Try cheating once is too much, whatever about regularly. It's grotesque behaviour.

VelcroKittie · 28/06/2025 17:55

Feel absolutely awful for the groom. Like...where is your mind at whereby you are cheating on your husband to be, whilst simultaneously going ahead with a wedding like nothing is going on? It's the type of behaviour that requires years of therapy. And if he finds out and stays with her, she will absolutely never respect him. If I were in your shoes, I'd be as blunt and direct as possible. Step down from being MOH, tell people why, and also tell the groom. Beyond that, there isn't much you can do. You've played your part.

Gg72 · 28/06/2025 18:01

Tell the groom if not when he finds out how will you feel ruining his life when you could have said something

MrMan007 · 28/06/2025 18:04

She’s a horrible person. End of. You want to stay friends with a vile selfish person?
id be dumping them, and let them explain why the moh has dropped out.

VelcroKittie · 28/06/2025 18:09

Ilovemyshed · 25/06/2025 15:39

Why is she marrying him?
Personally, I would drop out of duties and tell her why and also tell her I will be telling the groom if she doesn’t.

She's marrying him because some people like to have their slightly dull but secure married partner, alongside the dangerous, bad-boy dude they are wildly attracted to who provides insane sex. It's a totally messed up arrangement that almost always ends in ruin.

EagerLemur · 28/06/2025 18:18

WorthyRoseWriter · 25/06/2025 13:32

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

Ask the bride why she is going ahead with the wedding, has he got money and it's a cash grab in a year or so through divorce, what is the point of marrying someone you can't stay faithful to, have a chat with the bride and tell her she should really call it off, not to waste everyone's money for her big day, sounds like she just wants to be centre of attention for the day and perhaps lavished with gifts.
Tell her she's better off letting her groom find someone who will be faithful, that everyone knows she's a cheater, and that it's better even for her incase anyone stands up when their at the alter and drop the bomb then. Can you imagine. Anyone who think why they should not be married , speak now or forever hold your peace

Commonsense22 · 28/06/2025 18:19

Gg72 · 28/06/2025 18:01

Tell the groom if not when he finds out how will you feel ruining his life when you could have said something

Yes, I cannot get my head around people knowing such a life changing piece of info and letting the person get married. It's awful.

EPN · 28/06/2025 18:19

Tell her you know say your no longer being involved and tell her not to get married if she doesn't love the man abs he doesn't know about her affairs she will only break her own heart in the end in a million different ways. If they get married and have kids they will ruin everyone's life. And also if you know who she's having an affair with tell him to piss off too. Just tell them all to sort themselves out and end your involvement. I agree re making people spend money cos invariably people have got better things to spend it on xxx

Telesekuxe · 28/06/2025 18:23

Kick her out of your life.

mammymayday · 28/06/2025 18:43

Poor groom. I really think you should confront the bride directly - if for some reason it's a rumour/ untrue, then she needs to know about it.

And if it turns out to be accurate, it's still best to speak about it openly rather than holding it in.

Hope it all works out for you all 😣

Moseleymommy · 28/06/2025 18:59

You need to just talk to her. Plain and simple. Tell her you know and why you can't be part of this fiasco. She's your friend and you are compromising your integrity by not doing so.