Bride having affair

[WorthyRoseWriter]

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

Soooo easy to say when it's not you that is in that predicament!

Plus why should MOH take the blame for the bride's actions!
Sod that!

Why would the MOH be taking the blame?

I'm just saying if she's going to tell the guy then tell him, op shouldn't do a shitty thing and make herself feel better and him feel worse.

I'm not even saying tell him at all, just that if she's going to, make sure its not some crappy cowardly anonomous message.

And it is easy for me to say, because I've done it before, a few times actually, and also had someone tell me I was being cheated on as well.

Some 30-odd years ago I worked in an office where there was an affair going on between a guy and the bride to be - it was a small office around 20 staff and everyone knew because it wasn't hidden.

I remember reluctantly contributing to the whip-round for a wedding gift and having staff lunchtime drinks with the bride to be. Needless to say the marriage lasted about a year.

There is no way I would have had any further involvement in the run-up to the wedding such as organising a hen-do, or spending any amount of money.

That's just completely missing the point.
Telling him is not to make herself better, it's to save him a life of problems.
The very last his worries will actually be who sent the message, in the end.

Definitely pull out and hope the groom does pulls out too before he makes a massive mistake

Don't go it might end in a murder I thought there was a superintendent who interviews parties before. I don't think preforming a wedding for a deceitful liar and potentially causing harm to another is something I'd sign off in the area.

I wouldn't do it anonymously, he is more likely to take it seriously if it's from someone he know or he knows is a friend of this fiancee.

I agree with you.

I would pull out and unfriend her.

The marriage is a sham and could easily end on the wedding night or the day after and you will have invested time and money in supporting such a disgusting shit show.

Watch the film Murials wedding.

Annoying that op hasn’t given any extra context or been back. Is it just one other friend saying it?

Tell him, don’t let her ruin his life

Yes morally you can’t continue with the hen party planning, tell her the rumours you’re hearing and that it’s bound to get back to the groom and does she want to take some time to have a think about postponing the wedding.

Tell her she doesn’t have to go through with it if she doesn’t want to. Sometimes people are rail roaded into doing things like getting married because they’re too weak to admit their true feelings or they feel like to much has been organised to cancel. She can’t be happy. Tell her that it won’t be the first wedding that is cancelled and people admire people for having the strength to break it off beforehand rather than going through with it and divorcing a short time later. They don’t admire people at all who have affairs going into the marriage and whilst being married!
The groom is bound to find out and it will all be on her. She will hopefully come to her senses.

Do let us know what happens 🙏

I’m three whole pages in and not a single person has said mind your own business, it’s been 100% pull out, say something to the bride and the bride’s a skank.

Your crystal ball needs a polish.

What are you getting at? The bride has been crucified on here. Are you suggesting she’s got sympathisers here, because I haven’t seen a single one nor would I expect to.

She should not be getting married. I personally would let the groom know, even if you did it anonymously.

You're being obtuse.
In this c9ntext mind your own business = don't tell the grown, which plenty have said.

I know this girl, she’s the pick me girl and thinks she so awesome that guys can’t resist her but the truth of the matter is that she needs the constant attention of a male to make her feel worthy. The problem is is that she doesn’t care who she hurts in her quest to be number one. This is who she is. She’ll never be faithful bc it isn’t in her dna. She needs constant approval. She’ll fuck any man that gives her attention bc she’s a thirsty bitch. She’s just damaged goods. Tell her fiancée, don’t let him marry this girl. She doesn’t have feelings. Only for herself

OMG! Horrendous idea.

To me just seems the decent thing to do

I’m not being obtuse.

The pp in their 3rd sentence said what they would do, and the wording of that clearly included not telling the groom. It would be very strange then, if their first sentence was intended to mean ‘you’ll get a lot of people telling you not to tell the groom’. So the common sense interpretation of ‘none of your business’ and ‘stay out of it’ must be something along the lines of ‘maintain the status quo’.

If anyone is straining the meaning of what the pp said, it’s you. If you disagree with my interpretation, fine, but I’m not being obtuse.

It's not about who is friends with who. It's about doing what's right. This guy is about to sign an incredibly important legal contract with a woman who is cheating on him. If he wants to divorce later, it will cost him a lot of money, potentially impacting him for decades to come.

They might be TTC as well, it's quite common to get pregnant straight after marrying, so children might be added to the mix.

The man deserves to know. He might decide to stay with her, but he should have the info before making that choice.

I couldn't stand by and not say anything to the other partner if I knew 100% one them was having an affair before a marriage. I would say something.

Do the bride and groom to be have children together ?
Hopefully not, but if married do they intend to have children @WorthyRoseWriter
Bringing a child into that relationship would be a sh*tshow 🥲

The easiest thing is to just tell her. You aren’t going through with this charade. You can’t in good heart lie to everyone to cover up her affair. And I would tell him he deserves to know before he gets financially ruined, mortgage, children, etc. The bride is dragging him into a sham wedding with all her lies.