Bride having affair

[WorthyRoseWriter]

Need advice…I’m organising a hen and have learnt the bride is having an affair, and she’s had previous incidents of cheating on him in the past. Groom is clueless. A mutual friend told me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel sick planning the hen, making all of our friends (working class mums) fork out for this weekend away, take time off work, sort childcare AND cover the cost of the bride knowing this. Plus the wedding is abroad, so we’ll all be paying for that too. Don’t think I’ve got it in me to sit through the ceremony. Quite a few random friends know (none of the hen friends, different group) and even a couple of her relatives. Feel so sorry for him. But if I pull out of everything it will raise so many questions, including from the bride. I’m kind of hoping it all comes to a head and he either finds out or she calls it off but it doesn’t look like that’s happening. I’m not going to be the one to tell him btw. What shall I do :(

Ask the bride.

Everyone is gossiping about her, clearly she's a close friend of yours, so you'll know by her response whether she is or isn't having an affair.

If you’re close enough to be MoH then surely you can ask your friend outright. Then decide whether or not you can be MoH or not and be honest with her.

Worth adding sorry, she definitely is having the affair.

Tell her you’re stepping down from bridesmaid and hen planning duty. Do you still even want to attend her wedding? You don’t have to!

Tell her you are dropping out and why.

If you're the moh youre 100% in a position to tell her you know, that you're not comfortable with your role in the wedding knowing this info and back out.

If your planning the hen, you must be close so I would talk to the bride. Tell her you are uncomfortable and pull out.

Personally I wouldn't plan the hen or do to the wedding in that situation

You’ll get a lot of responses saying it’s none of your business and to keep out of it.

if it were the groom having the affairs I think the advice would differ

i think youre in a tough situation and I’d probably try and extracate myself from it all without a lot of fuss and leave them to it

I would pull out and hope it does raise questions. I couldn't be friends with someone cheating regularly especially while planning had own wedding.

Wow, poor you putting up with this twat of a friend. She doesn’t deserve the nice wedding or hen doo. Do the groom a favour and step down, tell him the reason why if you need to.

I'd remove myself from that shitshow

Absolutely no way would I carry on. Bride is behaving appallingly.

I would tell the groom anonymously. Then your problem will solve itself.

I would be honest, pull out and definitely not spend any money on any hen.

It's a farce. Yes it's her business but you don't need to be part of it or make it yours. Just step down

He will find out, and people will find out that you (and others) knew. If you could then confidently look the other hens in the eyes and tell them that you were happy to go along and take their money carry on, if not back away.

This!

I would have tell her that I couldn’t be maid of honor or plan the hen etc as she isn’t faithful to her partner. Then I’d bow out and let the shit show carry on with out me.
why get married if you are already cheating?!?

Let him know anonymously. He doesn't deserve that or people knowing about it. So humiliating if he finds out later.

I would end a friendship with any friend I knew was cheating on their partner. It wouldn’t be my place to tell their partner, but I would step down from MOH duties, wouldn’t attend the hen and wouldn’t attend the farce of a wedding.

That's a shit thing to do.

If you're telling him, then tell him, if you're going to do it anonomously then don't bother at all.

Do you not want to tell him because you want to stay friends with her?

Why can't the person who told you tell him?

Sheesh.

If I was to suddenly exit a wedding I was in the bridal party for, everyone would be wondering which one was being unfaithful as my stance on it is known (total red line) so I’d have told everyone without saying a word.

Tbh you have a decision to make. Carry on, incur lots of costs for family & friends for the hen / wedding AND for the groom at a later stage (& any kids) when it comes to divorce, or you say no, and tell people why. But it won’t be pretty for a while.

only you know which is best for you, so <<hugs>>.

I've had this exact situation happen to me. I said nothing and carried on and got through it all. Then I started low contact with the couple then full on no contact. Last I heard he found out about all her cheeting and stayed with her 🤷‍♀️

The poor groom. I really hope someone tells him so he can make his own decision on getting married.