Best friend has said no partners to weddings

[EJT91]

one of my best / oldest friends got engaged recently and has invited me and my other oldest friend to the wedding. The only thing is, they’ve said no partners, because they’re only inviting 40 people. I found it a bit odd but didn’t think too much into it. My partner on the other hand is livid. He said it’s rude to do that and that my friend now won’t be welcome at our wedding when we eventually book it! I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I actually don’t really want to go without him. I genuinely enjoy his company and know we’d have a nice time, but equally I’d like to see my friend get married. It’s just really upset me that he’s said my friend wouldn’t be welcome at our wedding, but at the same time I get it? I just wondered what peoples opinions are on things like this!

I always think it's rude to not invite partners...but if it's a very small wedding then I think it's acceptable. Your dp is being very childish.

I think it seems weird of your friend. But also your DPs reaction is way too over the top.

If you had a small wedding yourself then you can reciprocate with no worries of bad feeling. But it would be petty to do the same if you have a bigger wedding.

enjoy your pals wedding.
gobout for a special night with you partner another time.

I think it’s their day their way but secretly I would think it’s rude and I don’t go to weddings where my husband isn’t asked. But I know not everyone thinks that way. But as it’s an old friend I would go for the wedding and meal but I would think it’s a cheap and cheeky wedding

It's her choice to invite who she wants to attend and the choice of those invited whether they accept the invitation or not.

There's nothing to get 'livid' about.

God does he not have his own friends or something? Pathetic! He should be sending you off to have fun with your friends, not making a huge fuss. Of course your friend can come to your wedding - ignore him!

I couldn’t get worked up about this. I don’t know why everyone gets so invested in other people’s weddings. He has a movie night, you go and have a nice time 🤷🏼‍♀️.

And to exclude the partner from your wedding if you are inviting others partners is really petty imo.

Her wedding, her rules, but your DP is quite justified in saying the same rules apply if/when you get married. Not a lot else you can do or say really

Actual partners, as in married couples, living together, or otherwise lifetime committed? I think that is rude to not invite to a wedding unless it is very small, as in less than 10 or maybe 20 people. People who you are dating would count as a plus one and those are optional.

It's up to the organisers (in the case of a wedding, the bride and groom) to decide whom to invite. It's rude of your partner to be "livid" (what an extreme reaction!) at not being invited to an event by someone you know. The bride and groom don't have a duty to have their wedding be potentially 50% people they don't know/care about, because they think they have an entitlement to "come with" people they do want to invite.

"Livid" is extreme. But tbh if it's your oldest and best friend, I do think it's a bit odd to not have invited him. Obviously she can invite who she wants, but that doesn't mean she's immune from people being hurt.

Yes he does and in no way has he told me not to go. He’s told me to go and have a good time, he’s just said he doesn’t want him at our wedding if that’s how he’s going to be.

I can’t imagine being ‘livid’ my DPs friend didn’t invite me to their wedding. Big shrug and ‘have a nice time’ would be the extent of my reaction. Does he not get out much or something? Or is he easily offended?

But what’s to gain? Why does it have to be equalled out? It’s a wedding, hardly some lifechanging event that you’re missing out on. It will have zero impact to your life to miss it.

I think that’s what it is. He’s upset because he knows how much it means to me and I think he was looking forward to it to because he gets on with them. We’ve been together a long time and have kids and stuff so not like it’s a new relationship

We live together and have children.

Hard to judge if your DP is right to be offended without know his previous interactions with your friend and their partner.

I think it’s ridiculous for your DP to be expected to pay for a place for your friend and her partner at your wedding though. Would be ok to invite just her - and amusing if she declines the invite (not wanting to go solo)!

40 people is tiny really. I think it’s fair enough, presumably they have their reasons for keeping it small, possibly financial?

I'm with your DP. He has a right to feel the way he does. Did your friends getting married not think that some people might be upset by this decision and what that would mean for friendships, going forward?

It’s absolutely fine! It’s not like your partner is the only one left out. He’s invited his core group of friends from what I’ve understood, feels pretty narcissistic (not clinically, the traditional sense of the word) and childish for him to have a problem with that. I’d find his response very unattractive.

edited because I got the sex wrong

I am always surprised that anyone feels entitled to an invitation to someone else's wedding. She has explained her reasons. You don't have to go if you and your DP are so offended.

I think it’s because he knows them as well and assumed he’d get an invite, then didn’t. Think he just feels a bit wounded by it. I do get his reaction to an extent, but equally there’s nothing I can do about it. My other friends partner is a bit gutted too apparently.

If someone chooses not to invite me to a significant social event, I have the right to be hurt. It doesn't imply entitlement on my behalf, but it does permit me to reevaluate and recalibrate the nature of the friendship. Which is what the excluded partner is doing here. He's allowed to, and I don't fault him.

I would never chose to exclude partners. The main thing I wanted for our wedding was for our guests to have as easy and good time as possible. That meant everyone could bring their SO.

Despite that, I think your partners reaction is a bit OTT. I’d be miffed for sure. But being ‘livid’ and threatening not to invite your friends soon to be husband to your wedding feels a bit petty.

This, that's 20 each side, minus parents x2, grandparents x4, then say 1 sibling....
Not a lot.