Best friend has said no partners to weddings

[EJT91]

one of my best / oldest friends got engaged recently and has invited me and my other oldest friend to the wedding. The only thing is, they’ve said no partners, because they’re only inviting 40 people. I found it a bit odd but didn’t think too much into it. My partner on the other hand is livid. He said it’s rude to do that and that my friend now won’t be welcome at our wedding when we eventually book it! I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I actually don’t really want to go without him. I genuinely enjoy his company and know we’d have a nice time, but equally I’d like to see my friend get married. It’s just really upset me that he’s said my friend wouldn’t be welcome at our wedding, but at the same time I get it? I just wondered what peoples opinions are on things like this!

I’m going to go, I don’t think they’d come to my wedding anyway because it’s abroad so I’m probably just worrying over nothing. I do kind of get his reaction because we’ve been together a long time and he knows them as well. I think we were both just shocked!

That's very childish. They are making a general decisions (no partners) in order to invite 40 people that matter to them more, it's not personal.

he wants you not to invite your friend to your wedding because he's taken it personally. Stroppy child.

This

and
Your friend is only having 40 at her wedding & you genuinely think she should uninvite one of her own friends so that your partner can come? Completely unreasonable.
Your partner sounds extremely childish & spiteful. Not a nice characteristic in someone you want to marry.

I think it's fine to only want people you actually know and love and who love you at your wedding. No partners makes perfect sense to me. I also don't think it's an issue to do what pleases you if and when you get married and not take into account any reciprocity. If you are invited to a childfree wedding doesn't mean you exclude their kids at yours etc. Everyone should have the kind of wedding they wish for.

His point is that me and my friend are so close and he and I have been together so long, it’s just odd that they’ve taken the decision not to invite him and my other friends husband. He gets it’s a small wedding but I think we all thought that the relationship was more than clearly they do if that makes sense?

I don’t think he should do anything and never insinuated that he should at all.

How well does your partner know the couple?

Pretty well I’d say. To add a bit of context, my friend moved away when we were 18 and started a new life. I don’t get to see him much because life is just busy for everyone but when I do see him we all do stuff together, with my other friend and her husband.

I suspect your dh is hurt. Fair enough. He probably sees your friend as his friend too and he's being left out.

My dh wouldn't care. However, I know I would in your dh's place. He's allowed to have feelings.

It's a shame as it's probably going to be harder to sustain this friendship with this shoddy treatment of your dh.

Livid is a massive over reaction. Just go and enjoy the wedding. 40 people - they just don’t have space for everyone.

A forty person wedding is tiny, just 20 each which is presumably closest family and very best friends. Your dp is being unreasonable. Understandable that he wishes he could see them make their vows but he must be able to understand why he isn’t in their list of 20!! Presumably the fact that it is a second wedding is significant- they aren’t doing the whole big wedding thing, but you will be when you get married so no reason not to have invite thrm.And really unreasonable to act like wedding invitations are automatically reciprocal - people who have small weddings aren’t automatically uninvited from people who choose to have big weddings!

My friend has recently done similar. Told all the girls that we were invited solo. Her and her now fiance were at our wedding 10 years ago when she knew her partner about 6 months,i didnt want to exclude him. I thought it was a bit cheeky, it's too expensive to invite partners she said. She hasn't decided on location, if it works ill go, if it's too far or too expensive I won't.

It's weird if you think about it.
"We are getting married and would love for you to come and witness the joining of hands, the beginning of a bright new future as husband and wife, to celebrate our love for one another ... but you can't bring your husband / love of your life."
It's a bit hypocritical and two-faced. It says "our relationship is important, yours isn't."

This point is key for me.
If your old friend had become friends with your partner or you ever might socialise as a 4, it's a bit crap IMO. The couple getting married have sent a very strong message about their feelings towards your partner, I would be a bit upset if I was your partner and thought they liked me!

Senua- or it says ‘we are having a small low-key wedding with family and just a couple of our very closest friends’.

Let's hope The Happy Couple don't take his choices about whom to invite to his wedding personally either.

Your partner's reaction is ridiculous. It's an honour to be invited to such a tiny wedding. It's very childish to play tit-for-tat.

Yeah and my other friends husband is confused as well because I think we all just assumed we’d go as a 4!

Their wedding, their rules.

Don’t think it’s rude or a big deal - especially as it’s small wedding.

perhaps she or her partner has lots of relatives or close friends which means she can’t invite her friends’ partners (if they each have 5 close friends then that’s automatically 10 extra people with the partners).

it’s just maths.

Yeah I get that. We’ve got to travel 6 hours and make a weekend of it too!

Your DP is livid, wounded and wouldn't invite them to your wedding to demonstrate just how livid and wounded he is?

We’re having a small wedding abroad

Is he their friend too? If he's a good friend then it's a bit harsh. If he is your partner foremost then it's reasonable for a small do.

She would be your guest at your wedding not his. Obviously her dh is optional.

He is now. We’ve been together a long time, but he was my friend to begin with because we went to school together.

and its also your choice as to who you invite in that list perhaps you would invite your close friends but not their partners?

she would presumably be your guest

a wedding of 40: the couple + 19 people each. A few parents, siblings, nephews/nieces, aunts, uncles and a few close friends.

why would partners be invited to that.