Best friend has said no partners to weddings

[EJT91]

one of my best / oldest friends got engaged recently and has invited me and my other oldest friend to the wedding. The only thing is, they’ve said no partners, because they’re only inviting 40 people. I found it a bit odd but didn’t think too much into it. My partner on the other hand is livid. He said it’s rude to do that and that my friend now won’t be welcome at our wedding when we eventually book it! I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I actually don’t really want to go without him. I genuinely enjoy his company and know we’d have a nice time, but equally I’d like to see my friend get married. It’s just really upset me that he’s said my friend wouldn’t be welcome at our wedding, but at the same time I get it? I just wondered what peoples opinions are on things like this!

Completely normal round here. When me & all my friends got married, all the girls went to the whole day & and our husbands/partners came just for the evening. Worked out really well as there were limited numbers to the day & all of us would rather have gone together than only half of us with our husbands. No-one made a big deal out of it & we all had a great time.

Your friend is only having 40 at her wedding & you genuinely think she should uninvite one of her own friends so that your partner can come? Completely unreasonable.

Your partner sounds extremely childish & spiteful. Not a nice characteristic in someone you want to marry.

He said the same! He said we’re having a small wedding but it never entered my head to say that they couldn’t come. I mean, there’s always a chance he won’t want to come anyway because we’re getting married abroad and he would have to pay for his own flight and accommodation, so I might be worrying about nothing!

So he believes the choice of the bridal couple to have their immediate friends over some of their immediate friends and their partners seem known some possibly not is better?

Does he usually act like a toddler and lack comprehension that some adults have financial limitations?

I think the couple are doing the right thing having their individual close friends versus some plus ones and navigating that thorny stick!

And you think she'd be more considerate of the implications of such a decision for this friendship in the future. It is harder to keep a friendship going when your friend's partner is not on board.

I think it’s rude to only invite one half of a couple. I can understand your husband not wanting to invite someone to his wedding after they’ve excluded him from theirs.

I think it’s because he knows them as well, quite well. We’ve been together a long time. I think part of it is that he genuinely wanted to go.

They are only inviting 40 people. Thats 20 each, so it’s perfectly reasonable that they don’t have the capacity to invite everyone’s partners. I have never understood why people get so worked up about weddings .

On the other hand you don't have to worry about a babysitter

I said this 😂 it’s a weekend as well so I’m kid free for a whole 2 days! 🎉

@EJT91 I would call that a secret win then 😁

Who does he suggest she bump from her very limited list to make space for him? 20 guests per person, I'd be making those up with immediate family and best friends easily...

Thinking of my own wedding, we had several partners there who have disappeared from our lives now, and at the time we got on and spent lots of time together, but it's the actual original friend who is still in our lives.

Let her do what she wants for her wedding and do what you want for yours.

I'm the same. But I wouldn't be inviting The Happy Couple over for dinner anytime soon thereafter. And my DH who was invited would be doing their Christmas cards and their ( and their kids') birthdays from thenon.

I think that's a weird reaction from your other half, to be honest.

Surely he can understand that if they are only having 40 guests, including partners would mean they could only invite 20 of their loved ones?!

Yes, it's unconventional but it's hardly the end of the World.

I'd enjoy a mate's wedding more with my bloke there but he'd be more than happy to get out of going and not give a shit about not being invited.

The whole 'she can't come to our wedding, then' thing is really pathetic.

It's all very dramatic.

Be grateful:

• you’re invited
• you’ll have a fun, child free weekend

Tell your partner to grow up.

I think your partner is wrong to say your friend wouldn’t be welcome at yours, but I certainly wouldn’t be inviting her husband when the time came. See how she likes it

@EJT91 they are having 40 guests, so 20 each. Less family? That leaves very few very little spaces. Does he genuinely believe he has a relationship of that level?

As in her top ten best individual friendships? Genuinely? He sounds a bit precious.

I think this is very similar to him. He’s told me to go and have a lovely weekend (it’s a 6 hour drive away so we’re making a weekend of it) but I think deep down he’s wounded because he knows them as well and probably just assumed he’d get an invite!

I don't understand your partner's reaction TBH. Why does he want to go to her wedding anyway, he'd only be going as your "plus one" really? Weddings are often long drawn out and a bit tedious, I'd be glad to get out of going.

Having said that, your mate is being a precious diva about it all. If you're only inviting 40 people, that's 20 couples. Nobody wants to hang out at a wedding by themselves or making small talk with people they don't necessarily know well.

I declined to attend a relative's wedding because they refused me a "plus one". It was a destination wedding and who wants to travel alone?

I think if the total number invited is 40 and no guests are bringing a partner (except I suppose where both are invited individually) then it is absolutely fine, and if your partner is truly livid about this then I think there is something wrong with him.

If it was a massive wedding and everyone else was allowed bring a partner I would be a bit , but that is not the situation here.

If my other friend wasn’t going then I wouldn’t go. I don’t know anyone else who’s going other than his mum because he moved away when we were 18, and has a new life now so I’d have been upset if he’d told me I couldn’t take a plus one in that situation. Especially since it’s 6 hours drive each way!

But he's not he's saying her friend won't be invited not her friends husband!

@EJT91

I think it's a bit unfortunate, but if funds/spaces are very limited, I can understand them wanting 40 family & friends rather than far fewer friends & their partners, leaving out lots of actual friends.

Your DP is being an absolute twat though. Surely he can entertain himself for one day/evening. In fact I'd say almost all the men I know would be quietly pleased!!

as for saying your friend can't come to yours is worrying, he's getting between you and YOUR friend. Put the twat straight!

I think this is kind of his point. He’s not just someone I’m seeing. We’ve been together a long time and have children together and he knows them as a couple as well, just not as long as I have because we grew up together

It's her wedding she gets to choose who to invite and equally you get to decide whether to go or not. Personally I'd go and I think your oh is being very immature but its your choice obviously

Really? I honestly wouldn't take it personally at all if it were a small wedding, as is the case here.

They just didn’t want a big wedding. It’s my friends second marriage so he wanted to keep it small. We just didn’t know how small until we got the invites 😂