Best friend has said no partners to weddings

[EJT91]

one of my best / oldest friends got engaged recently and has invited me and my other oldest friend to the wedding. The only thing is, they’ve said no partners, because they’re only inviting 40 people. I found it a bit odd but didn’t think too much into it. My partner on the other hand is livid. He said it’s rude to do that and that my friend now won’t be welcome at our wedding when we eventually book it! I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I actually don’t really want to go without him. I genuinely enjoy his company and know we’d have a nice time, but equally I’d like to see my friend get married. It’s just really upset me that he’s said my friend wouldn’t be welcome at our wedding, but at the same time I get it? I just wondered what peoples opinions are on things like this!

No, he doesn’t get to do that because this is OP’s friend, not his. OP can invite her friend to her own wedding if she likes. If one of HIS friends didn’t invite him to their wedding, then he is free to not invite HIS friend to his own wedding. It’s a tiny wedding - they will soon get up to 40 people just from family and close friends of the bride and groom. Nothing to get offended about.

Not inviting plus ones who you have never met (as in your work colleague) is one thing. Inviting half of an established couple that you have socialised with etc for years is pretty unkind, and sends a very clear message that they are only friendly because he is your OH, not because they are actual friends.

Well, maybe that’s how he does see the OP’s partner. The OP herself said she’ll only know one other person at the wedding (apart from the groom’s mother). How much time have she and her husband actually spent with the groom in recent years, if they only know one of his other friends? OP has known him since at least her teens and describes how he left home at 18 to “start a new life”. Maybe to him OP is a valued childhood friend with whom he enjoys catching up, and her partner is someone he likes, but thinks of as “Kate’s partner who’s a nice bloke” rather than “my mate Steve”.

There are grey areas between a friend’s partner you’ve never met and one you’ve spent a lot of time with. There may be more partners of guests on both sides who’ve spent time with both grooms and think they deserve an invitation too. Where do you draw the line?

Side note, it is amusing how many posters have automatically assumed that your friend MUST be a bride.

Particularly when OP has specified on more than one occasion that there IS no bride!

When it comes to weddings, there has to be a cut off point for the guest list and who is and not invited. Unfortunately he didn’t make the cut.

It’s a small wedding of 40 guests, if the invite was extending to partners and everyone brought their partner that would be 80 guests, double of what they wanted. I actually do not think it’s unreasonable due to their reason. However, that said, if there ended up being an ‘exception’ on the day for another I’d be annoyed.

He sounds like he needs to grow up. And you sound like you pander to him.

Exactly. It's not as though they're joined at the hip - they're not even married yet.

My child has a childhood best friend who married recently in a scenic location, some distance from where they all live. They invited 2 people - 1 witness each - and that was it. No partners, no siblings and no parents.

My child went alone. They had the choice to decline, but decided to support the friend. As does OP.

I wouldn't have partners at my wedding. I'm
Not paying for an expensive meal for someone I don't know.

If it was your husband then he would have grounds but would have probably been invited so he’s being a total idiot we had a small wedding my friends husband understood that and spoke up to say I’ll stay home with our children you guys have the best time I want pictures lots of pictures you want to marry this guy?

Expect people not to come then.

People seem to think that everyone is just desperate to go to a wedding so they can eat "free food" and see you in your big poofy dress.

They're not. They're giving up their weekend to travel somewhere they didn't really want to go, eat food they didn't choose, pay out for accommodation and give you a present, usually a substantial amount of cash.

They'd probably much rather use all that money to go somewhere special with their family and have a nice dinner, but they are turning up because they care about you and want you to feel loved. And your plan is to tell them to leave behind their partner whilst they come and celebrate you and your partner. Marriage is all about true love, but only yours, everyone else's true love can stay at home by themselves. 😂

My friend invited myself and our group of girlfriends to her wedding a few years ago and no partners. She also had a small wedding and financially couldn’t afford any more people. She didn’t invite distant relatives either (or even her first cousins despite being relatively close). It was what her and her DH could afford and wanted. All partners respected this and it was a lovely day. Your partner’s reaction sounds a bit ridiculous to me. Has he considered why they want a small wedding? Perhaps they don’t want to be up to their eyeballs in debt and so a small wedding it is.

Agreed, it would have to be an absolute bestie for me to go to a wedding without dh, and I have no besties at all or even casual friends who wouldn’t invite the man I married to celebrate their marriage.

That's your version of support.
My version would be a thanks for the invite but no thanks as I don't attend social functions without my husband.
That's me supporting my husband that my "close relative " couldn't be arsed to invite

Week, that's fine, so long as you're happy for the same to apply to you when you are invited to weddings?!

I think you have the wrong partner of you really believe this

100% agreed

Exactly, and none of my besties would be so self-absorbed to do this!

Yep and I would expect that the long time friend being a man is at the very root of DP’s disgust at not being invited. This got overlooked so many times I had to stop reading.

my husbands friend got married and invited partners but it meant that some of their friend group weren’t invited to the day

id happily stay at home and join in the evening so they could invite closer friends instead of partners

and i’ve also been to a friends very small wedding without him

it’s no issue
i’m sure they’d love to have everyone if they could but sometimes it’s just not possible

How big are their families as this is relevant?

If a couple aren't financially constrained then it is possible to invite more people but it's a choice not to. It's the couple's prerogative but it will change how the uninvited friends feel about them going forward. Couples can have what they want but it sometimes comes with fallout they didn't consider and might regret.

god, tell him to get a grip. We had a small wedding, around 40 people. Money constraints really. I spoke to my friends and explained, I was only inviting them (we had a nice friendship group with around 5 of us) and not partners. None gave a shit and totally understood. They were 5 of my friends, the rest was family (15 others) - if I had to invite partners then it would have become a family only wedding.
Luckily none of my friends had partners who were pricks though

They probably did give a shit, but didn't say anything as its not worth the argument as you can't make people see sense in these instances. If you didn't want to share your wedding day with friends, then I'm glad you didn't have to.

But she did share the day with friends; just not their partners.

Did the partners also think of themselves as friends in their own right, or just as partners to your friends. Because that's what has caused bad feeling here.