Best friend has said no partners to weddings

[EJT91]

one of my best / oldest friends got engaged recently and has invited me and my other oldest friend to the wedding. The only thing is, they’ve said no partners, because they’re only inviting 40 people. I found it a bit odd but didn’t think too much into it. My partner on the other hand is livid. He said it’s rude to do that and that my friend now won’t be welcome at our wedding when we eventually book it! I don’t know what to do. To be honest, I actually don’t really want to go without him. I genuinely enjoy his company and know we’d have a nice time, but equally I’d like to see my friend get married. It’s just really upset me that he’s said my friend wouldn’t be welcome at our wedding, but at the same time I get it? I just wondered what peoples opinions are on things like this!

Did you both go to his first wedding?

Nobody did, they eloped.

It’s bit tacky. If you want to go small, go really small and have a party at a later date. People tend to be more understanding about being left out if it’s just immediate family and a couple of friends. 40 guests is too many to get away with not inviting partners - it’s going to cause ill feeling.

He is shocked - so is the OP - and in the moment is reevaluating where he sits in this friendship group.

Should The Happy Couple expect to be invited to the wedding of a man they didn't invite to theirs? Now, that would be entitlement.

I suspect the OP's partner will calm down in time and invite the OP's friend at least to their wedding, but will not forget the slight. And he has a right to his feelings.

I’d be rethinking my own choice in partner to be honest if they got that upset that I was invited to my best friends small wedding on my own and was then going to dictate who I can and can’t invite to my wedding. Is he always this controlling?

He’s not controlling. I’d read my other comments for more context.

I think he will calm down and invite my friend and his husband because he’s not the type to hold a grudge. I think he’s just shocked and a bit put out. I’ve told him not to take it personally but I guess it can be a bit upsetting when you see a friendship differently to someone else.

I can't be the only person whose DP would literally jump for joy if he didn't have to attend someone else's wedding?
And OP's partner is apparently not upset for himself but livid on her behalf?! Perhaps a duel is required to ensure her honour is restored?
Then there's the ultimate act of retaliation - the retraction of a non-existent wedding invitation?!
Go enjoy your friend's wedding, OP and get your DP some Lego to take his mind off of this outrage.

He said the exact same! I went to a wedding on my own last year that he wasn’t invited to but he didn’t care because he’d only met them a couple of times. I think he’s more bothered about this one because he thought they were his friends too

40 guests. So 20 each side.

Bride.
Mother and father.
Sibling and partner plus child.
Grandparent x 2
Aunt and uncle plus partners
Cousins.
(Based on an average family...)

So family being 15? 16?

So not much left fir friends. Let alone friends partners...

I think it’s fine. A very close friend of mine got married recently and when we were chatting after the ceremony we got interrupted so that a cousin of the groom could introduce his girlfriend to the newlyweds. Yeah I get that it’s nice for families to all get together but it seems so bizarre to have people at your wedding that neither of you have met.
Especially as it’s a small wedding I think it’s totally fine. Unless you all regularly hang out as couples.

There aren’t any children allowed. Both have parents and 1 sibling each. One is married, one is not.

If your partner actually knows them well OP then yes he's been snubbed, relegated to the list of "people who don't matter that much" and aren't invited. I understand his reaction a bit more now, especially the part about not wanting to invite them to your wedding (which is his wedding too). I wouldn't invite someone who has snubbed me to my wedding either .

He’s not angry on my behalf? Why would he be? I’m the one that’s had the invite. He’s upset because he thought we were all friends. We do things as couples and have been together a long time.

We’ve been together a long time so it’s not like we’re just dating and we do all hang out together as couples

It's up to the bride and groom really, but I don't really like weddings with no partners tbh. It's just weird like the only couple there is the b&g or something...not sure why but I find them off-putting. That said, you want to go, so obviously just go. If your dp doesn't want her at your wedding, that's something you'll have to discuss when you actually get round to booking it. I wouldn't get into that argument right now as you haven't booked it yet

DH and I had a tiny wedding, 10 people invited. Second time for both of us, DH really just wanted to elope, so 10 was a compromise.

We also didn't want to spend a fortune. We booked a private area in the restaurant we had our first date in for a meal after the registry office, which only had space for 12, our guests plus us.

The 10 people invited were our own parents, siblings, my children and 3 close friends.

The date and venue was arranged on the basis that everyone would be able to attend. Friends already knew partners were not invited, due to limiting numbers.

Although it probably would have been more tactful to explain the decision to you both before the invites went out. But at the end of the day it's their wedding and I can understand why people might want to limit numbers.

We had a wedding of 46. We invited partners we knew, but not new ones. We'd factored for that in our under 50 numbers. Think your DP is overdoing it a bit .

A close relative of mine got married abroad. V small wedding. I was invited, but not DH or DC. I didn't want to go abroad without DC so we all went and DH and DC did something else the day of the wedding
That's a normal, supportive reaction from a man who knows it's not all about him and who loves me enough to want me to be able to attend special events stress - free

They haven't "sent a very clear message about their feelings towards your partner" at all.
It is very likely they have made a choice to not invite any partners of the friends they have invited. So, if they have space for 20 people (outside family) they can choose 10 friends and their partners or 20 of their friends.

Whether you would do the same or not isn't the point, but, it sounds as if that is what they have chosen to do, rather than specifically excluding the OP's partner as you imply.

The OP has been clear her friend's husband isn't invited either.

I’ve told him not to take it personally
That's easy to say; you're not the one who has been snubbed.

Their wedding, their rules, their big fat mistake.

The wedding couple might have ruined two nice longstanding friendships for the sake of having a fancy (Instagram) wedding they can't afford to invite all their friends to.

We were going to make a holiday out of it but it’s in school time. Just to make it clear, he has no issue with me going at all. What he has an issue with is that he thought he was friends with them as well as we all hang out together.

Bet that they will be astonished when the next people they know send out wedding invitations and only invite one of them. These types always are.

BTW if you're getting married abroad OP, please just assume that no one will come. I hope you have a lovely day but it's a lot to ask of guests.

I would LOVE to not get invited to my husband's pals' weddings 😂

I don't see the issue here, it's a small wedding of 40 people, inviting the partners of everyone she cares enough to have there makes it a big affair. Go and enjoy yourself and tell your partner to wind his neck in.