Would you assume we are uninvited?

[clouds87]

DP and I recieved a 'save the evening' card ages ago (possible as far back as last year) its 1.5 - 2 hr drive so DP booked a hotel for the night.
The groom isnt a close friend of his - he was someone DP saw every so often through a interest/work, I know him to say hi and we've both met the bride once (at another wedding).

Just realised the invite doesnt have a time on it! DP has sent a message politely asking if there is a gift list but had no reply, they havent had contact for a long time (groom left the interest they knew each other through)

Obviously we cant turn up with no time, but what would you do? Try calling them next week if we havent heard? Then if no answer dont go? We dont know anyone else going and as we dont use facebook etc not sure what else to do.

I wonder if as DP and groom havent been in touch for a long time thats why they havent let us know so we might be uninvited, which I completly understand - but would like to cancel the hotel and get the money back if so ...

Thanks!

Same here, got a save the date from my cousin then never heard anything else. Then heard they broke up.

WTF?! Is this an actual thing? So someone tells you to save the date for their wedding, and then not only doesn't actually invite you, but also doesn't even tell you you're now not invited to the thing you were told to keep the date free for?

Jesus. We live in a world now with no social grace or etiquette at all if this is actually common. Weddings turn brides and grooms into the most awful humans...

Yes, this - exactly!

'save the evening' So that’s the evening do only, they’re a couple of hours away and you’re not close at all, I wouldn’t have bothered with this anyway.

You really can’t see the problem with having saved a date, booked a hotel and then hearing nothing further and being met with radio silence?

If so, what are you being asked to 'save' the date for?

@Mumofthreealldifferent - you're misinterpreting my comment. I wasn't for one minute saying that I couldn't see the problem with the behaviour of her dh's acquaintance. That has been very rude and thoughtless. My 'can't see the problem' comment was in response to the op asking what she should do - ie nothing as there clearly wasn't going to be a formal invitation.

ah, I understand what you meant

Possibly a case of sending out same message to everyone known and liked but nearer the date it fills up with closer friends and other relatives.

Still, not nice, a reply of yes please come or sorry, have reached limit.

Just cancel and don't take it personally. As you said, pals from a while back, would personally feel a bit of relief lol 😆

i know this isn’t the point, but couldn’t you just keep the hotel booking and have a nice weekend away? It’ll be decorated for Christmas by then so it might just be a nice way to kick off December.

I think that’s what we’ll do - a early Christmas treat
!

Yes, no idea what's in or near Clacton, but hopefully some Christmas shopping!!?

The good thing about premier inns is that even if you booked the cheapest saver rate, you can still change the check in date if you need to, so could rearrange if you wanted.

A save the date isn’t an official invite - but feels as good as! Seems like you’re no longer on the invitation list probably due to their change in hobbies, cancel the hotel and enjoy yourself on a date night instead!

I wouldn't ask again. Cancel hotel, maybe book a night way somewhere else for you both to enjoy together.
Agree about Save the date cards.

With most wedding venues requiring minimum numbers you are encouraged to send save the dates to makes sure at least that number is met. We have to book out the entire hotel so we have sent save the dates well in advance as by the RSVPs are due back we would have to pay for any unoccupied rooms.

You haven't been invited, if it's now just a couple of weeks away and no invite has been sent.

I only know this because I once received a save the date to celebrate someone's big birthday, then when I contacted them the week before the event to about details, they told me I wasn't invited!

It never occurred to me that someone would send a save the date without following up with an invitation before this happened to me. In my view it's breathtakingly rude, but then again, some people are 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Why did you have to be sarky there? So pathetic.

There could be a multitude of reasons why but usually it just comes down to numbers. If your DH hasn’t been in touch with his friend for a while they likely just had to re-jig things & ended up not having enough spaces available for everyone they sent save the dates too & as you guys haven’t talked for so long it came down to someone else. I wouldn’t see it as rude, just accepted that it’s something that happens when wedding planning, things change, any number of things could have happened

It sounds like when they sent the "save the evening" cards, the groom was in regular contact with your partner, even if it was only at the hobby group. Since then, they've drifted apart and no longer see each other. To be honest, the groom probably assumed your partner wouldn't be going. Why would he want to go to the wedding reception of someone he doesn't keep in touch with? Especially when the wedding reception is miles away from home and he doesn't know any of the other guests.

If your partner didn't tell them he'd booked a hotel for the wedding and hasn't been in contact with the groom over the last few months then how the bloody hell were the bride and groom supposed to know he was planning to rock up at the wedding? He'd be the most unexpected guest ever! It's a lot of effort to go to for an evening only invitation from someone you were in a hobby group with ages ago.

If I was the groom, I'd have replied honestly to the initial text and just said something like "sorry, I didn't send you an invitation because I assumed you wouldn't want to come as we don't really see each other anymore and I know it's quite far for you to travel to. I hope you're well and aren't offended".

It sounds like your partner has had a shitty time of things and he's let his friendships slide. Hopefully as he recovers, he'll get back into hobbies and making friends. And then he'll have plenty of proper invitations to things.

It's not rude. They've drifted apart in the time between the save the date and wedding. It happens. They were only casual acquaintances and if they haven't seen each other or spoken in a year then what's the connection now? He shouldn't get offended at not being invited. It would be a bit awkward to be invited in those circumstances.

Can you simply ask them whether they still want you to attend?
Hope you can get hotel money back if you don't want mini-break (we learned this the hard way too).

@PorridgeEater he's already sent a text, tried calling and left a voicemail message. The only response he's had is a "hope you're well" message with no mention of the wedding. I think that's enough of an answer. Another phone call would be embarrassing.

They can move the hotel date and hopefully still enjoy a night away.