Would you assume we are uninvited?

[clouds87]

DP and I recieved a 'save the evening' card ages ago (possible as far back as last year) its 1.5 - 2 hr drive so DP booked a hotel for the night.
The groom isnt a close friend of his - he was someone DP saw every so often through a interest/work, I know him to say hi and we've both met the bride once (at another wedding).

Just realised the invite doesnt have a time on it! DP has sent a message politely asking if there is a gift list but had no reply, they havent had contact for a long time (groom left the interest they knew each other through)

Obviously we cant turn up with no time, but what would you do? Try calling them next week if we havent heard? Then if no answer dont go? We dont know anyone else going and as we dont use facebook etc not sure what else to do.

I wonder if as DP and groom havent been in touch for a long time thats why they havent let us know so we might be uninvited, which I completly understand - but would like to cancel the hotel and get the money back if so ...

Thanks!

It's pretty rude to send a save the date then not invite people!

It’s says save the evening, with the address and no time. Ah well you’ve all helped me out 😊

It does seem rude to send a save the date but not an invitation but if the groom isn't a close friend (your dp saw him occasionally through an interest, he's left the group for that interest, no contact for ages) and you've only met the bride once, I'm not sure why you would actually want to go to the wedding anyway!

Saving the cost of a wedding present and enjoying a family minibreak sounds a much better idea.

Definitely see if you can change the data even if the booking terms mean you can't cancel. Premier Inn will do that even if you book the cheap rate 😄 then you can at least pick your own time to go.

Agree it's rude to send a save the date card but not then invite you. It seems particularly wrong as surely save the date cards are for essential guests, where you'd be really disappointed if they didn't come! They seem to have sent them to every Tom, Dick and Harry (no offence OP 😁) and thought 'ah, we can decide later if all these people make the cut or not'. Strange!

Sounds like you haven't been invited or the wedding has been called off.

For those horrified about people sending save the dates but not then following up with an invitation. My mum had a huge falling out with my aunty just after we sent our save the dates, so she never got invited. I guess you'd know if you'd had a falling out with them though!

Could a card have been lost in the post? Can you ask?

It is a premier inn funnily enough! It was the closest - reasonably priced place to the venue.. and no offence taken 😆

I’m sorry that happened how awkward for you 😑
so our plan is DP to call them once tomorrow (his choice) and if no answer that’s fine we will do our own thing, if he does say we aren’t invited DP is really good at saying the right things in awkward situations so 🤷‍♀️

Save the date is wanky

@NoCarbsForMe - totally agree it's very rude. But a 'save the date' isn't a formal invitation. And in the absence of a formal invitation it's clear that op and her dh aren't invited.

I agree!

so our plan is DP to call them once tomorrow (his choice) and if no answer that’s fine we will do our own thing, if he does say we aren’t invited DP is really good at saying the right things in awkward situations so

Does he not understand that he hasn't been invited?

Being asked to save the date is preparing you for a formal invitation and giving you advanced warning so that you can book time off work, book hotels, organise childcare etc.

Its pig ignorant to then not invite someone. Honestly what’s wrong with some people.

OP cancel the hotel and book something nicer for you and DP on the same date. Fuck em’.

Well, quite. I'm not surprised the OP assumed she was invited.

Something vaguely similar to this happened to me about seven years ago. There was this woman who started work where I worked. She'd been there about a year, and she started dating one of the blokes there. And after six months of dating she announced that they were getting married in 6 months.

She pointed at me in the office when she passed and said 'you are invited of course - and your husband and your kids.' I said 'oh thank you. When is it?' She said 'it's in the summer - July 27th.' (This was mid January.)

Several months went by. It was only a month or so to her wedding. No invite. About 20 people (in the workplace out of 40) were buzzing around talking about her wedding. And I still have no invite. She didn't talk to me about it (barely made any conversation with me really.) She didn't hand me an invite. She didn't say 'are you still coming?' She didn't say 'give me an RSVP!' Nothing.

The wedding went ahead. We did not go. It was really very strange. She made a very specific point of saying that I was invited. Told me the date, and waffled on about it for 5 minutes. . And then I never got an invite. I never figured out why ... it was most peculiar.

Some people might say, 'well, why didn't you ask her? 'But to be honest with you, she was just a vague acquaintance and somebody I saw in the office in passing. (She worked on another floor.) I saw her maybe 2 hours a week. And I've got my pride. Like hell am I going to say, 'well, am I invited to your wedding them? Where's my invite?' Just for her to say, 'actually, we've changed our minds - you're not coming....' Like I wasn't worthy. Her and the bloke she married left a year after they got married.

@clouds87 Sounds like you're not invited sorry.

I always thought a save the date card was the essential info (pretty much just the date) and a nod to the fact you've been invited and the full invitation will be forthcoming.

It must surely be very rude to invite people to save a date and then not even tell them they're not actually invited.

I've always appreciated them. I've only ever had them for close family and special friends i.e. not as an evening guest for a colleague, so it's a date I absolutely want to set aside.

That’s an interesting response because a few weeks ago there was a thread by someone who wanted to downsize from original plane and wasn’t sure how people would react.

It is definitely 'wanky' if you tell someone to 'save the date' for their wedding, and then don't f*cking invite you! 😖

I would like to echo others - this has all the hallmarks that the wedding has gone pear shaped. They would not bother sending a save the date and not invite. They may be too embarrassed to reply and have to explain.

I would very explicitly ask them. I can’t take flaky people and would want a straightforward response. Try ringing not messaging.

I had a save the date once but no actual invite from a former housemate I'd lived with for a few months before they moved back to their home town. I knew they hadn't split as mutual friends who were much closer were invited. I guess I was in the make up numbers category! 😂
One of my relatives caused a lot of ill feeling in the wider family by sending save the date cards to close relatives, and then invited most of them to the evening only, it was miles in the middle of nowhere too and over 150 miles from home for some - quite a few refused to come at all even after they were asked to come for the whole day after my relative's mum did damage control got involved.
Some people just have no clue about etiquette or just good manners generally!
If it's not the hotel the actual do is in, might it not be a nice relaxing getaway for the two of you, OP?

Totally unacceptable IMO ... self absorbed arseholes

I wouldn't call them. Your DH and the groom have drifted so I wouldn't expect to be invited. Just change the date and have a nice break.

Pretty rude if it’s still going ahead. Almost like hedging their bets and then whittling down the attendance list later.

ok if circumstances have changed but then I think the decent thing is to be honest with people and say, we’re very sorry, Jim was made redundant and so we are now having a much smaller wedding, be great to see you at some point soon sort of thing.

on the plus side you get a mini break without having to attend a wedding! Result all round.

Do people actually send save the dates and then not invite someone they sent one to?!