Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

omg yes OP

dont do this
out of interest, have you run this idea by your daughter!’v

Anyone can go into a church. Some of our old neighbours came when I got married.

if a HUGe church and “loads of space”, ask yourself why you weren’t invited

that is not what she’s asking

Anyone can go to church weddings. Absolutely fine to just turn up

The church isn’t the issue, the expensive reception usually is.

because of the cost of a huge churchful of guests at the reception after?

Oh yes anyone should be welcome in church.

@beetforever she doesn’t need to ask permission. She can just turn up and sit in the church and watch the service.

Well, legally if it's a church you can just turn up, as it

A church is a public place. The hired doesn't get to say who can and can't attend a church service! Not sure even the vicar would be able to control who goes....if you want to control who attends the service you need to get married in a registry office.

I think it's lovely and unless she is a complete bridezilla she would like you there.

I would ask my friends I think, ‘it’s such lovely news that Abby and Joe have set a date. We aren’t expecting an invitation as I know Joe has such a large family & they have so many friends to fit in too, but as the Abbey is so large do you think they would mind if we came along to watch the church service? We’ve loved seeing Abby grow up & it would be lovely to witness that moment, if you think that would be okay?’

Grr, posted too early

...as others have said

In reality though I wouldn't do it. You will embarrass them and make them feel mean for not inviting you, which would be quite a selfish thing to do. You can ask to see the photos afterwards and show an interest that way.

It's perfectly legitimate to turn up at a church. Anyone can do this, it's a public place. I wouldn't ask permission, just go and slip in at the back and obviously don't sit in the front row! You're not asking for an invitation to the reception, just to see her get married.

Go along, you don't normally get an invitation unless going to the reception/evening do.

Aydel
Anyone can go into a church. Some of our old neighbours came when I got married.

that is not what she’s asking

That's pretty much exactly what's she's asking. Can't see the problem, I think it might be good to tell the friends that's what you would like to do and make it very clear you are not angling for an invite to anything else.

I agree with you, especially if they’re really close friends it’s not going to hurt to ask.

OP you sound lovely, and I think it’s very thoughtful of you to want to ask, and to share in their joy without any expectation.

Of course you can just go to the mass . Loads of my neighbours and even my exes mothers were at my wedding, just came along, it’s a free country.

Anyone can go into a church. We definitely had regular parishioners at our service. I had no idea who they were.

You could absolutely ask your friends if they'd mind. Legally you're allowed in any church, it just depends if the bride/her parents would think it was weird.

My dad did similar when my oldest friend got married - he didn't come into the church, but as it was near their house he just walked up to stand outside and see them/us come out and take some photos. My friend thought it was sweet.

Run this by your DD first OP and be led entirely by her response

Yes, you can just turn up. It’s a public service. I suppose you could let them know that you’re going to attend the service.

Totally fine. Various people (parents of my friends, members of the church) turned up to our marriage ceremony who weren’t invited to the party after. They had no expectation of being invited to the rest either. It was really lovely they came to see us / give their blessings etc

It’s OP’s friend’s daughter who is getting married.

At one time it would be normal to see congregation members ‘supporting’ the married couple in church. It’s not really the done thing now but the right to just turn up still remains. I bet they’d be touched to see you there (if they were nice people).