Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

It's fine to turn up at a church. Where I'm from neighbours in the local area would often go to the church or stand outside and wave the couple off at the end. Same with funerals here. It's open to all.

It's a legal ceremony not an Instagram photoshoot. Of course it's ok. That's the whole point of a church wedding. You are celebrating their marriage within a community.

I remember I actually put a notice in our local paper (when it used to be the done thing to announce a wedding) that included the line all welcome at the ceremony. Two old friends from school turned up which I thought was lovely.

I take it you are not a churchgoer? Neither am I but I do come from a family of churchgoers. A church wedding, as others have said, it not an instagram story. A church is a community meeting place, if you book your wedding in a church you have to realise that it is not your exclusive venue for the day, all are welcome and randoms can and often do, turn up.

Technically sure they are open to everyone but there is a bit of a difference to Doris and Henry who happen to regularly go to church at the same time every week and actually knowing a bride and groom and not actually being invited

Sure turn up if you want it is open but why on earth would anyone really do it in this case?

Of course you can it’s a church not a hotel.

Have you asked if it's ok? I would assume it was but asking would be nice

I mean most people would find it very odd to get an invite to ONLY the church and no other part of the wedding - most would expect to carry on if invited to the church

It's not only allowed it's expected that people will turn up to witness the wedding. I'm getting married and we are laying on light refreshments after the service as we aren't inviting many people for dinner afterwards (just very close family and long standing friends) colleagues etc all have the church details by way of a come if you want email and instructions for no gifts at all! Charitable collection only

legally anyone can attend a wedding (church or civil), but might be polite to mention it beforehand. You have to be allowed to turn up because of the 'does anyone object' part - it could be their secret wife/husband who turns up! I've attended the church only, but I was invited.

Thanks for all your replies on this. Somebody commented that it’s a thing at funeral too for people to just turn up, and it resurrected a memory from ages ago. At a relative’s funeral, a tiny and quite elderly nun turned up and sat near the back. None of us had seen her before. Halfway through the service, a man came into the church shouting and swearing, clearly off his face on something. The tiny nun got up, put him in an armlock, and marched him smartly out. We all wished my Aunt had been there to see it. She’d have loved it.

Wow, that's so funny in a macabre sort of way

It was one of the more surreal moments of my life, for sure.

The question us, did the nun know it was all going to kick off?

We had a lot of church members, family friends and parents of friends attend (univited) our church service. We bundled them all into a couple of the photos as weel.

Yes, you can. It's not a private ceremony. My grandmother was in church for my best friend's wedding. No one invited her. It's nice. Members of the church community turned up too.

Because you don’t just ask people to the church service, they come for the whole day and a decent wedding is at least £100 per head.

It’s very common for neighbours or friends of parents to just come to the service. Anyone with any church etiquette knows this. My Mother’s cleaner came to ours - just for the church. The lady who did our flowers came to the service and brought her granddaughter who wanted to see my dress and the bridesmaid dresses. I remember going to see a neighbour’s daughter get married, just at the service. It’s a common thing to do at a church wedding.

Parents of my friends, old neighbours and even some old school teachers were in the church when I got married. I thought it was lovely!

I got married in 2013 and people did this. Mainly older neighbours admittedly.

You have no idea about the etiquette surrounding a church wedding in the UK. It is very much the done thing. It is not seen as ‘weird’. It’s very common.

Because it is lovely to see people you know well, and like, getting married.
I'm not sure why you find this so difficult to understand.

As I said, the last wedding I went to in a Church, that I wasn't invited to, was in April, and there were 80 - 90 people there who weren't going on to the Reception. I know this because I was talking to the bride's Mum (as one of my dc is looking to book a venue, and I was asking how many the place they went to held, and she said 110 were at their Reception but she was glad they'd printed 200 Orders of Service as the Church was packed and she was saying how lovely it was that so many had come to wish them well on their special day.

I went, because the bride and my dd had been really good friends throughout 7 years of Primary school, so I'd known her 23 years, and, although I didn't see her anymore, I do see her Mum every now and then, and it was just really nice to be able to wish them well.

Not at all weird OP, take no notice of people who are saying that. At all church weddings I've been to there have been members of the regular congregation, old friends and neighbours of the families etc. I wouldn't ask or mention it (that IS a bit weird) but it's completely acceptable to just turn up to what is a public church service to wish the couple well.

Even at registry office weddings with small rooms I've seen family friends and neighbours waiting outside to throw confetti etc. so in a huge abbey I'm sure there will be plenty there who aren't going to the reception.

Only weird if you were not invited because of falling out. If it’s because as an adult she doesn’t spend much time with you it’s fine to go as a family friend. And obviously it’s too expensive to invite all local acquaintances to the wedding in full!

Yep we had friends parents turn up at our church ceremony, it was lovely. Thinking way into the future I think it would be nice to see my children's friends on their wedding days!

This. Just do it quietly as suggested above.

I think it’s lovely to turn up. Shows you care and see the moment.

I would just sit near the back. The groom and bride probably won’t even realise.

Whilst Church is open to anybody have some thought for their privacy on their special day. Respectfully, if they wanted you to see them get married they would have invited you.
A few people done this when I got married and truthfully I wasn’t impressed.