Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

What the hell are you even waffling about? Nothing you said has anything to do with what OP asked 🫣😂
OP every church wedding I’ve ever been to there’s always been people who turn up to watch the ceremony, strangers and people known to the couple. I’d say it’s perfectly fine but perhaps as you know them just ask your friends but put it in a way that you’re not angling for an invite, but you’d love to see everything you mentioned. Tell them you were going to drop in to watch it but didn’t want them feeling weird about you turning up so would it be ok if you just watched quietly from the sidelines and you’ll not get in the way or disturb anyone so you’ll quietly slip out when it’s over

Of course you can go to the church! Just go, it's perfectly normal.

The people protesting obviously only show interest in the church when they need it for their instawedding 🙄

"Whilst Church is open to anybody have some thought for their privacy on their special day. Respectfully, if they wanted you to see them get married they would have invited you.
A few people done this when I got married and truthfully I wasn’t impressed."

Maybe a church wedding wasn't for you then if you don't know the etiquette. Privacy my arse 🤣 you got married in a public place.

If you want privacy then do it somewhere bloody private. No common sense these days.

Yes of course you can. My mam came to see friends of mine get married, no expectations to be invited, she’s known them all their lives and wanted to see them get married.
Ive gone with other neighbours to see another’s daughter get married, just a nice thing to do

That’s sweet, think it would be polite to ask your DD to ask the bride though. Technically yes you could invite yourself in, but as it’s their day a discreet and gentle ask or if you know her parents ask them.

I think inviting yourself to the ceremony is quite cheeky, standing outside to see the bride arriving is ok though, people I knew did that at my wedding and I thought it was lovely and did tell them to go in if they wanted to (they declined which was fine).

You could ask what time is the ceremony because you'd love to see her in her dress so might come and wait outside the church...she might then invite you to the ceremony but if not don't push it!

She doesn't need to. She is perfectly entitled to enter a church at any time. As is anyone.
It's a public service; the bride and groom have no say in the matter. Don't forget that the Banns are stated in a normal service... to announce an impending wedding in order to allow for objections.

Clearly a church wasn't the right venue for you. Have you ever revisited the church?

Church is open to everyone!!!!!!
End of Story.
Amen.

No!!!!

I’m from a rural area, and what happens a lot in these instances is people stand outside the church to watch the bride arrive and the happy couple leave.

Who tf goes to someone’s wedding when they’re not wanted, public space or not??

because the reception venues aren’t free 😂

Absolutely fine to turn up at the wedding ceremony in the church. Sit at the back and leave when you can. No need to ask though. A church is a public place and anyone can go in to watch the wedding

We had members of the congregation turn up at ours, unexpectedly and it was really lovely of them to do that

We used to live opposite a church and often went to see folk we knew through church / BB etc get married. We sat near the back or upstairs and I doubt the b&g noticed us.
We know all the words and tunes to many of the hymns so I like to think we added to the occasion.

Because they don't want to invite you to the expensive reception.

I would say it's fine to ask about the church though.

I have done it, for a friend's brother who I knew vaguely but no way well enough to be invited. Kids from school also did it when my daughter's teacher got married, she mentioned it the day before and a few turned up.

Quite a few people turned up at the church for my wedding including 2 of my old teachers who lived in the village and some of my friends' parents who I had known since I was a kid. It was lovely.

.... As is any other building licensed for a wedding.

It has to be; what if someone knows of a "just cause or impediment"? The doors are always open!

I understand that these days it is fine to sit yourself down on the floor by the altar so you get really good photos of the happy couple, also don’t be shy about asking them to stop for a moment when they are exchanging their vows / rings so you can re arrange them slightly to get both their faces/ hands In the frame.🙂

Seriously, I think they would be very happy to see you in the church. I hope the sun shines for them.

I've been one of those tourists. And when my cousin got married in Wimborne Minster, there were visitors who sat down and watched. Nobody was upset. See also funerals!

I don’t see the issue with it - we had a few parents friends who came to the church service. I definitely didn’t feel like they were hinting for an invite.

I remember as a kid going to the Church to see my best friend as a bridesmaid 😂I’d never met the bride but just wanted to see my friend all dressed up.

We had a tiny wedding in our family church which was huge. Just about everyone I worked with came to church to see us married, it was lovely

Quite a few people did this for my cousin’s wedding for They stayed for a drink afterwards and then left when everyone else went off to the reception. It was totally fine.

You would need to ask and not just show up (although they probably wouldn’t notice), but I wouldn’t have an issue with this if it were my wedding.

People like weddings - when DH and I got married we got gifts from old friends of parents we had never met and a card from BIL’s girlfriend’s parents!

I can't see an issue. Go dressed smartly (but not wedding smart) and sit in the back. Slip away after the service.

Who tf goes to someone’s wedding when they’re not wanted, public space or not??

But we aren't talking about people who are "not wanted".

If you read through the thread, there have been about 3 posters (and we are currently 6 pages in, with 148 responses) who seem to think this is odd.

Overwhelmingly poster after poster have said how lovely it was to have people they wouldn't have been able to invite to the Reception, turn up to the Church to wish them well.

It's a public service and anyone can come. Realistically there is a difference between a 12th century country church where you can fit 40 people in if they all sit close together and an Abbey Church where 400 people get lost in the vastness. For the former hang around outside. For the latter go and sit at the back and enjoy.

In my former, very ugly,church we had very few weddings. The congregation would usually rock up in force they knew the couple and they were just delighted to see them get married. My current, and very beautiful, church has lots of weddings. We are a bit on the tourist trail so I prime the ushers to ask the tourists to stay out of the family photos at the end, but if those tourists want to attend the wedding itself they can.

Back in the early 2000s many of my vergers for weddings and funerals were 80+ gentleman. They were mostly ex special forces. You did not mess with them.