Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

I think it's generally ok to stand outside and watch everyone arrive. I'm not sure about going inside. It depends on the bride and groom and their family. Would you dress up? Where would you sit.
I think it might be a bit weird.

Anyone can go to the Church to see a wedding. We had some neighbours of our parents come along to the service and it was lovely they came to support us.

Legally you can just turn up. But I don't know anyone who has actually done this uninvited.

Yes, I think it's sweet you want to go.

Of course, any Church wedding is open to the public. I had lots of pupils from my school who came to my wedding as well as my Guide unit.

Some of our neighbours are church goers and they heard our wedding banns read so they know when we are getting married. A few of them come along after the ceremony to say congrats which was really sweet. If they had asked/ mentioned it I would’ve invited them to the ceremony itself too! So I would definitely ask if that’s ok, and make it clear you’re not expecting a reception invitation

Completely normal thing to do!!

I thought marriages were public events that had to be accessible to everyone. Otherwise how could you object at the right point. Isn't that why the details have to be announced in advance?

Anyone who gets married in a church needs to be prepared for random parishioners to attend. I know some did when I got married although I wasn;t really aware of them as such.

At my wedding quite a few people who knew me and DH but were not that close as to invite came to the church. They stood outside and watched me get out of the car etc and walk in the church. They didn’t come in the church. It was lovely to see them and I did appreciate the gesture.

Of course you can. Some of our friend’s parents attended the church and some parishioners who were close to DH as a child. It was lovely!

A few of our parents friends came to the church when we were married. I thought it was normal.

When we were children there was always great excitement if there was a wedding on at the local church as there was often money thrown from the car windows when the wedding party drove away. Everyone loved a good scramble 😂

Thanks for all your responses. And as @WarningOfGails said, it’s my friends’ daughter who is getting married. And I’ll also use her very good words to ask them, and their DD if it’s ok.
It’s so long since I’ve been to a church wedding I don’t really know what the form is these days.

i look forward to the following threads

AIBU to tell my parents not to come to wedding ceremony that they’ve not been invited to?

AIBU to tell DD that i specifically didn’t invite her parents because i don’t want them at my wedding and now they want to come and watch me get married!

Some of my DM's friends did this and it was fine. I didnt know them well enough to spend over a hundred quid on feeding them but they'd seen me on and off since i was little and it was nice that they came.

Ummmmm. Not quite sure what you’re on about here.

Quite a few people rocked up and sat at the back to see me get married as it was my family church so they'd known me since I was tiny and knew my parents well. It was lovely!

Also my parents' neighbours coming out to see me leave for the church, wish me luck and say nice things about my dress - all part of a really happy day.

Clearly not everyone feels the same though so I'd run it past your dd.

I had friends parents who turned up to see me go into church and some people from work who actually came in to see the ceremony. We didn't invite them because we couldn't afford to pay for their meals but I was more than happy to have them there

This. With fewer worshippers these days, I don't think people realise church marriages are public. When I married, there were several friends and neighbours there and we were delighted to see them

I don't know for sure, but I wonder if other marriages are too, so that anyone can speak up when the celebrant asks if anyone knows of any just impediment to the marriage?

My parents came to my friends wedding in a similar situation. It was fine. My friend was happy for them to be there.

what does your DD think of your suggestion?

My DD isn’t involved with any of this. It’s the daughter of friends.

We had several people from church come to just watch, plus a few close family members of the flower girls come to the service to watch. It was lovely, we didn’t mind at all.

We had people from the village/church come along when we got married. They'd known the family for years, and it was lovely that they were there. The ushers had no idea who was an invited guest and who isn't, so they just came along before the bridal party arrived and sat towards the back. They were outside in the village square with all the guests afterwards too which was nice. There was no issue about them not being invited.

how well do you know your friends DD?