Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

That's just cringy and smacks of looking for an invite. Don't do that ..

As pp said you don't need an invite to go to the church.

Neighbours & acquaintances were at the church for my brothers wedding. Noon thought anything of it

This used to be really normal in the 70s, and 80s. Seems weird now. Everyone dressed up for the wedding and people in everyday wear sitting at the back. I wish it was normalised again though. Weddings are so majorly planned and controlled now

Yes of course you can. They are not supposed to be closed events in case someone knows of "a legal impediment " as to why the couple cannot be married.

I vividly remember as a child in the seventies that when there was a village wedding kids would tie up the church gates and the best man used to come down and throw a bag of small change over. We kids would scramble for the pennies and he'd cut the strings.

Lots of the villagers would be waiting by the church to see the bride even though they weren't invited. I

This is one of the many entirely ordinary things Mners are deeply weird about. See also the school run, friendships, unexpected callers, dusting your skirting boards etc etc.

Just go OP, I'm sure your friends' daughter would be happy to see you there (or not if you decide to slip out before they leave the church). If you see your friends before the wedding I'd mention your intentions though, otherwise they may think it a bit odd that you didn't mention it. I got married in the 80s and a couple of neighbours stood at the back, also my ex boyfriend!

Just go. Don't ask because they will feel obliged to invite you. It's quite common for people to go to the church even if not invited to the wedding. Especially if they're regulars in that particular congregation.

There may be all sorts of people there just because it's a service, anyone can go so if you want to do, just don't try to sit where the actual guests are. It used to be usual that lots of neighbours would turn up even if not specifically invited as part of the bridal party.

It's definitely fine at a church wedding! People stand around waiting to see the wedding party arrive, then go in and sit at the back.

there will be ushers or vergers on the door who will tell you where to sit or if you need to stand. They'll know the numbers.

Several of my dad's abd his then wife's friends 2 of my mother and her partners friends and 1 of my grandma's friends came to the church to see dh and I get married.

I loved it got hugs and co graduations grandma's friend made me cry she had wanted to be there. I had a lot to do with her as a child. It was a wonderful surprise.

I'd do it op. We also got cards from them all.

This.

This is normal. Anyone can attend a church service. Several family friends attended mine in church, and I was just touched that they cared to come.

Just go. Don't ask because they will feel obliged to invite you.

This. Mentioning it beforehand will make them feel you are fishing for a full invitation.

I was the bride in this exact situation.

Some of my parents' friends asked (via my parents) whether they could come to the church part of the wedding (they made it clear that they were in no way expecting to be invited to the reception).

I was delighted that they would want to be there. It's not rude at all imo.

The village church where I was married was full of invited guests but it was so lovely to see people outside when we emerged as husband and wife. People who we knew but not well enough to invite, and even people I didn't know!

My mum had been telling her customers about my wedding that some of them that had purchased caravans from her came to wish us well 😆.

It was a day full of happiness, I loved that people had made the effort to come and wish us well and I think it's a really nice idea @Ndujauser .

I'd ask. My best friends parents came to my ceremony, then to the evening "do" . They asked, of course I didn't mind! Was just very limited for reception numbers.

Loads of people came to watch my DD wedding. We lived in a village and they had seen her grow up. It was lovely. And as many people have said churches are open to anyone.

You sound really odd.

Of course you can go. It would be a lovely thing to ask.
I actually got married in a hotel and someone who couldn't make the reception came along for the ceremony. I was delighted to see them.

It's a thing where I'm from that people go to watch the bride arrive and / or leave the church. You'll always see people on the street or in the church carpark!

It's fine to go along. As many many other pp have said, churches are public places and anyone can attend any service. Including weddings. Most normal people wouldn't mind having a friend of their parents, who clearly knows them, turn up to see them get married.

My friends (from childhood)’s parents came to our church wedding. I hadn’t invited them but I couldn’t have cared less. It was lovely that they thought it was an event worth sneaking into 😂 There was also a random vicar who was considering taking over the parish (I have no idea of the correct terminology of this!) who just happened to be visiting. She had a leather waistcoat and a Metallica T-shirt on so I noticed her straight away. Gave us a good laugh afterwards and she did end up being the vicar for a while.

This is the norm in Catholic weddings where I live. At mine all the ‘old ladies’ from church came along. Must have been about 20 of them. It was lovely to see them all there as they’d all been there from when I was a baby.

And they also helped with the hymn singing!

If you do want to check in you could say something like ' that's such a lovely church. We thought we might come along for the service if that's ok' as others have said its less common now but I've attended loads of services for friends children. Often what happens is a group of us go and then go to a restaurant for a meal and catch up.

Some friends of dh's parents sat at the back of the church and watched us get married. I didn't know who they were, there weren't invited to the wedding, we had invited some of their close friends but had to draw the line somewhere. They didn't sit with the main guests, just sat right at the back. I didn't mind at all. Also, my sister's husband's mum (who was invited to the evening do but couldn't make it) sat at the back of the church to watch the service and then stood outside watching us all come out. Our church was big too and it was a relatively small wedding. To be honest, by that stage I didn't really care who came and watched, I actually thought it was quite nice that they were so interested.

Yes, absolutely. I have had my best friends parents, some of my mum's close friends and my sister's parents in law coming to the church. I didn't know they'd be coming and It was actually a really nice suprise!

We have also had some complete strangers join in too. Spotted on the video and none of us knew who they were. But, a church is a public space so anyone can join!