Is it legit to ask if we can go to the church if we’re not actual wedding guests?

[Ndujauser]

Some good friends’ DD is getting married later this year, in the Abbey Church where we live. I wouldn’t think we’d be invited to the wedding, as bride and groom have a huge family aside from their own friends. However, I’d really love to see her married in the church, her dad walking her down the aisle, all that stuff. Would it be rude to ask if we could sit in on the actual service and slide quietly away afterwards? It’s a huge church, so no space problems. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, all advice welcome!

A few of my grandmothers friends came to my wedding. I got married in a cathedral so there was plenty of space. I'm in Ireland we do a receiving line at the end that's how I know they were there.

Lovely ladies I have known my whole life. They wanted to see me get married which is sweet.

It's totally fine & very sweet to go to the church, no-one will have an issue with this in the slightest. When we got married, a few of my friends' Mums turned up at the church, as did some neighbours, friends of my Mum etc

This. It’s perfectly possible but rarely happens.

Don't ask them but to avoid making them feel bad you could say what you are doing. Like funerals all church services are in fact open to all.

It's totally normal for a few locals or parents' friends turn up to the church service. Nothing weird or rude about it

Not just a church, this also applies to any civil venue. The ceremony has to be held with"open doors", in case anyone wishes to object.

In my days as a civil registrar before I retired I had to have an occasional word with venues offering exclusive access with bouncers on the gate.

I would say exactly this. It is respectful, tactful and consider the feelings of all involved. Hope you enjoy the wedding.

Something similar happened at my wedding, I thought it was really nice of her.

Admittedly I am old but it was perfectly normal for people to turn up at weddings in the local Parish church.

I had people come to the church (last year) that hadn’t been ‘invited’. It was no problem.
You can’t stop it, it’s a requirement in a church, I believe. Similarly with funerals.

We got married in a very large church that was a tourist attraction, we had a few tourists sit at the back! It was fine and they all clapped and cheered along with the guests as we walked out!

A couple of my friends' mothers did this and I was delighted! I'd known them since I was little so it was really lovely. I think they did mention beforehand though.

Some of my mum's neighbour friends came to watch me get married. I didn't realise they were there. I was very flattered.

I don’t think anyone can stop you from turning up for the service. I can’t see why it would be an issue at all. Not as if you are gatecrashing the reception.
I am catholic and it’s really common for complete strangers to attend a wedding for the mass. Well in my area it is anyway!

I’m definitely in the minority, but I feel no invite = don’t go.

Why do you keep banging on about their DD? As far as I can see they haven’t even mentioned having one!

I can’t see a problem with it! There’s always loads of strangers stop outside weddings round here to catch a glimpse of the bride, if you’ve known her years I see no problem with going in and sitting at the back!

I know the thread has moved on, but are you ok?

Lots of people who I hadn’t been able to invite came to watch my wedding. I was really touched!

Quite a few neighbours and some work friends of my Mum came to the church to watch me get married and it was a lovely surprise to see them all - we had a little chat in the church yard afterwards just so they could wish us well - it made me feel even more special on my big day and I think it’s a lovely thing to do - turn up for a ceremony with no expectation of being fed or hosted. People just love a wedding and a bride.

I feel quite depressed at how our ancient culture and traditions are sort of fading away, to be honest.

Legally, weddings are open.

Religiously, the church welcomes all to enter and is a community space.

Politically anyone can go to in the UK which has its own established church, with the head of state as the head of the church.

Culturally, getting married is to join the wider community as a couple, it's not a selfish or private act and it's not just for your own photos. It's a designation of your status and an ask for the wider community to support your economic and emotional bond.

I feel like those just saying vaguely on this thread "oh I dunno, it seems like you should be invited, to me" are lacking a sort of deep knowledge of where we come from as a nation, with that mix of culture, religion, civic understanding, and so on. I'm not a believer in God nor am I an old fusty person who thinks traditions must be preserved. Chuck out traditions if you want, it's just dumb to not even know they exist.

I think it’s fine to go if spaces isnt an issue in the church, I think it’s a really nice gesture as it goes. If it was me getting married, I’d be absolutely fine with that.

Wedding crasher! No of course you shouldn't ask that. Just bc it's a church doesn't mean randoms can join in. It's invite only. There won't be space for strangers.
Just send a card, flowers or gift if you're so happy for them, and politely request copies of photos from the big day.

Tell me you have never been a churgoer without telling me that you have never been a churchgoer!!

Everything you say is untrue. If you book a church wedding you have to accept that any random members of the public can and often do turn up. It is encouraged at the Sunday services, the banns are read to the congregation, a church wedding is welcoming the happy couple into the church community. Church weddings have never been "invite only".

If that is not what you want then you need to hold your wedding in a hotel or country home or other venue.

This!