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Original poster

Is it ok to not get a gift?

189 replies

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:46

I'm going to a fancy wedding as a guest. I've had to buy a new dress and shoes. I live a distance away so I have to stay over night and the hotel rooms are so pricey! Is it ok if I don't get them a gift? I could probably afford £20 but it would seem more like I'm taking the mick?

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 28/08/2023 19:47

I think that's better then nothing. But I'd be happy with a card and your attendance.

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:48

I think I might have spent the money on the gift rather than new dress and shoes.

But you have my sympathies, attending a wedding can be expensive.

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:49

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:48

I think I might have spent the money on the gift rather than new dress and shoes.

But you have my sympathies, attending a wedding can be expensive.

But then I'd have no dress or shoes

OP posts:
Somaliwildass · 28/08/2023 19:52

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:49

But then I'd have no dress or shoes

Show quote history

They're really for your benefit, not the couple

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2023 19:52

Traditionally, you have up to a year to send a wedding gift, so you could save up for a few months and then send something. I had this experience when my husband and I got married and I thought it was a lovely surprise treat and very generous of the giver to have thought of us.

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 19:52

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:49

But then I'd have no dress or shoes

Show quote history

I think it is definitely worth having clothes, the bride might think you are trying to get all the attention otherwise. Seriously though I think £20 is fine but nothing is also fine. They know you have had expenses for the wedding.

Do they like wine? Maybe a nice bottle? (I am teetotal so not sure if £20 is enough for nice wine but I hope it is.)

user1471464218 · 28/08/2023 19:53

IMO no it's not ok to go without a gift and tbh I don't think £20 is enough, but I know that's a different story. I'm in NI and I know NI/ Ireland weddings are extra compared to GB but no gift or £20 still seems low.

Coral12345 · 28/08/2023 19:54

a couple of my friends made me something thoughtful for my wedding. I loved it!
I know attending wedding is costly. I was just so happy to have them there and the handmade gifts are so special that they made it into my wedding memory box :)

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:55

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:49

But then I'd have no dress or shoes

Show quote history

Did you really not have anything you could have worn though? I appreciate that might be the case, and what you bought might have been £10 from Vinted. In which case of course it’s fine, but if you splashed out eg £200+ on new clothes then you could instead have put more towards the gift.

Sparkletastic · 28/08/2023 19:57

No it's not ok not to take a gift. It would have been ok to politely decline the invitation in the first place if you couldn't afford the expense of attending, but that ship has sailed.

SharongBarefootBullshit · 28/08/2023 19:59

If you can’t afford it, don’t give anything. If they’re nice, they’re not going to care.

YourNameGoesHere · 28/08/2023 20:00

Honestly no it's not ok to not take a gift. If you couldn't afford to attend then the polite thing is to decline not buy a new dress, pay for a room and then scrimp on a gift.

Perfect28 · 28/08/2023 20:01

I hate these threads. No, you never have to give people money. Especially if you can't afford it.

Perfect28 · 28/08/2023 20:02

@YourNameGoesHere are you joking? I want my friends at my wedding, not to receive gifts. What is wrong with people

Onceuponaheartache · 28/08/2023 20:02

@moomoosaka it is the thought that counts not the value. Unless the B&G have said no gifts then I would get something.

Have a look in places like TK Maxx as they often do nice picture frames for not much money.

Belltentdreamer · 28/08/2023 20:02

Id spend the twenty quid on a magnum of Prosecco or a bottle of whispering Angel or similar rather than turning up empty handed but you know your friends best

TolkiensFallow · 28/08/2023 20:02

Do the couple want/expect gifts? I appreciate I might be the exception to the rule, but I was clear I did not want gifts at my wedding. I genuinely just wanted to have a nice time with people I love to celebrate getting married.

I did get a few trinkets, a bottle of champagne and a few vouchers, mainly from colleagues/family friends who weren’t invited and were just being kind. My favourite was a personalised Mr and Mrs xxx bauble with the date of our wedding on from someone who didn’t attend - probably cost less than a tenner but has pride of place on the Xmas tree every year.

Its worth checking.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/08/2023 20:03

Buy a bottle of wine at least- but it will look awful. If you couldn’t afford to attend then you shouldn’t.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 28/08/2023 20:03

I always think it’s sad on threads like this when people say if you can’t afford an expensive gift, you should decline. I’d hope my family/ friends would rather have me there than invite me just for an expensive gift! I’d have been more than happy with a £20 for my wedding and doing I’d have noticed if someone didn’t bring one. Of course the OP needs a dress and shoes if she doesn’t have anything suitable and of course she needs a room, she can’t sleep in the car park.

Sauvignonblanket · 28/08/2023 20:04

£20 is better than not giving anything. I'd probably get a houseplant with a beautiful bow and nice gift tag. They'll understand funds are tight but the thought is there.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/08/2023 20:04

A card is fine.

YourNameGoesHere · 28/08/2023 20:04

Perfect28 · 28/08/2023 20:02

@YourNameGoesHere are you joking? I want my friends at my wedding, not to receive gifts. What is wrong with people

Why would I be joking? Yes it's incredibly rude to attend something especially like a wedding empty handed. No one is saying they need to give money but no gift at all is very rude.

Rogue1001MNer · 28/08/2023 20:05

Depends on how close they are to you.

But some token is essential.

Not close at all = bottle of prosecco
A bit close = bottle of champagne
If you're creative a made something is lovely
If you're close to one or other of b+g, something personal is fantastic. And doesn't have to be expensive

Going empty handed is quite cheap

Rogue1001MNer · 28/08/2023 20:08

P.s. I've bought a tree before.

Not expensive, but it grows (it's a metaphor!!!)

Perfect28 · 28/08/2023 20:11

Sign of a sad world. Seems we have forgot what weddings are about.