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Original poster

Is it ok to not get a gift?

189 replies

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:46

I'm going to a fancy wedding as a guest. I've had to buy a new dress and shoes. I live a distance away so I have to stay over night and the hotel rooms are so pricey! Is it ok if I don't get them a gift? I could probably afford £20 but it would seem more like I'm taking the mick?

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 28/08/2023 21:05

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2023 20:53

Exactly. Imagine if OP said she was invited to a fancy wedding so was wearing an old work dress so she could spend £100 on a present. She'd be accused of ruining the wedding!!

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Never heard of anyone being accused of ruining a wedding by wearing an old dress. Does it happen often in your circle?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 28/08/2023 21:09

TooBigForMyBoots · 28/08/2023 20:46

Charity shops are full of wedding type clothes. Kit yourself out there instead of buying new and put £50 in a card.

She's already bought it. From vinted . She doesn't have £50. FFS.

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:09

Ohyousillybilly · 28/08/2023 21:04

The £50 you spent on your outfit could have gone towards a gift. Are you really saying that you had nothing suitable to wear to a wedding at all? Presumably you've had the invitation for a few months so could have saved towards a gift earlier. It's really bad form to attend a wedding or any function without a gift for the host.

A £50 gift coin from Liberty's department store would look amazing, they can spend it or choose to keep it as a memento.
https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/%C2%A350-liberty-gift-coin-230856.html

Yes I had nothing suitable to wear to the wedding. And they can't spend a liberty coin on their honeymoon fund so that's an awful idea.

OP posts:
mycoffeecup · 28/08/2023 21:10

A card and a £20 John Lewis or Amazon voucher would be appreciated I'm sure.

hby9628 · 28/08/2023 21:11

www.notonthehighstreet.com/bubbleandmimi/product/origami-let-love-grow-wildflower-seed-heart-envelope?referredBy=plp

Following on from someone's post earlier about some seeds.

hby9628 · 28/08/2023 21:11

Don't worry about the value of the gift. Have a fabulous time x

Pammela2 · 28/08/2023 21:12

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:09

Yes I had nothing suitable to wear to the wedding. And they can't spend a liberty coin on their honeymoon fund so that's an awful idea.

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Stop listening to these pious people. Give what you can. I’m sure you’ll look fab. Weddings are for fun and celebration.

It’s honestly awful that people here are suggesting that you buying a second hand dress was in some way selfish. It wasn’t.

the seeds and other options sound wonderful.

FiddleLeaf · 28/08/2023 21:13

SharongBarefootBullshit · 28/08/2023 19:59

If you can’t afford it, don’t give anything. If they’re nice, they’re not going to care.

Ditto. Everyone knows weddings are expensive to have and to attend. I’m planning mine at the mo and we’ve not asked for gifts. Seems a bit gross.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 28/08/2023 21:14

This thread is making me so cross . No cost of living crisis for any MNers on this thread then ?
@moomoosaka just do whatever you can afford . I assume that the bride/groom are vaguely aware that you don't have unlimited money. Send a card and either a small present or pop the cash in . Whatever you can afford - please don't get yourself into financial difficulties because of others' expectations . I am worried that if you were to send more cash next month, this may be money you are struggling to find .

MariaVT65 · 28/08/2023 21:16

£20 is perfect OP, a nice John Lewis voucher is fine :)

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:17

I think my mistake was saying yes to a room. They made it sound like it was important to them we were all in the same hotel though.

OP posts:
Mystro202 · 28/08/2023 21:17

Sorry op but I personally would beg , borrow or steal so that I could give at least £50 as a present.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 28/08/2023 21:19

@Ohyousillybilly
The OP has clearly said that her clothes are things like jeans.

Fourlegsandatail · 28/08/2023 21:21

Ohyousillybilly · 28/08/2023 21:04

The £50 you spent on your outfit could have gone towards a gift. Are you really saying that you had nothing suitable to wear to a wedding at all? Presumably you've had the invitation for a few months so could have saved towards a gift earlier. It's really bad form to attend a wedding or any function without a gift for the host.

A £50 gift coin from Liberty's department store would look amazing, they can spend it or choose to keep it as a memento.
https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/%C2%A350-liberty-gift-coin-230856.html

You sound utterly clueless to OP’s predicament @Ohyousillybilly . A £50 coin only available to spend in Liberty and they charge £7.50 to deliver it?!

There are numerous reasons people might not have a wedding outfit! I haven’t been to a wedding in years and I want to one recently and didn’t have anything that fitted me. I tried all the charity shops but there wasn’t anything that suited me. I thought I did really well getting a bargain outfit from Vinted and OP has done the same.

OP there is nothing wrong in not taking a gift but if you want to give a gift simply just write in the card “Your gift will be sent to you soon”.

drpet49 · 28/08/2023 21:21

YourNameGoesHere · 28/08/2023 20:00

Honestly no it's not ok to not take a gift. If you couldn't afford to attend then the polite thing is to decline not buy a new dress, pay for a room and then scrimp on a gift.

I agree.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 28/08/2023 21:22

I’ve never known a bride or groom to care about what gifts they received. Give them a nice card with a lovely message. I had a couple of friends and relatives make similar comments before my wedding and luckily they were reassured that I’d be gutted if they missed my wedding but wouldn’t care (or notice) that they’d not brought a gift.

NannyGythaOgg · 28/08/2023 21:23

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:48

I think I might have spent the money on the gift rather than new dress and shoes.

But you have my sympathies, attending a wedding can be expensive.

I bloody wouldn't

Tilllly · 28/08/2023 21:25

I got married 23 years ago

Can't remember many gifts but I do remember a penguin shaped ice cream scoop - which we still have

The person that gifted it didn't have much cash but I love 🐧 and I love my ice cream scoop

But mostly, I love that she came to my wedding

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:27

drpet49 · 28/08/2023 21:21

I agree.

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They wanted people to book up the rooms though. But yeah I should have booked a b&b I realise now

OP posts:
Bellabelloo · 28/08/2023 21:27

Sauvignonblanket · 28/08/2023 20:04

£20 is better than not giving anything. I'd probably get a houseplant with a beautiful bow and nice gift tag. They'll understand funds are tight but the thought is there.

This is a nice idea. Waitrose do some lovely pots with plants in for under £20.

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:29

Bellabelloo · 28/08/2023 21:27

This is a nice idea. Waitrose do some lovely pots with plants in for under £20.

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I think I'd feel a bit silly turning up with a pot plant tbh if everyone else is giving cash they'll know I havent

OP posts:
CheshireCat1 · 28/08/2023 21:29

Thoughtful gifts are often more appreciated than expensive gifts. You could get something thoughtful for £20.

SamSaid · 28/08/2023 21:31

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 21:17

I think my mistake was saying yes to a room. They made it sound like it was important to them we were all in the same hotel though.

This probably what WAS important to them, all their loved ones being together!!

You don't have to take a gift, personally I'd take a card and something personalised with the date, like a glass bauble / or picture frame (easily under your budget)

Have a wonderful time and enjoy wearing your new to you outfit 💖

SamSaid · 28/08/2023 21:35

You could even write "gift to follow in the post" in the card so other attendee's think you've given cash, but your gift actually gets delivered after the wedding - and opened at a time it will probably surprise them and make their day 🥰

Amammai · 28/08/2023 21:37

Shocked by these messages. I’ve been married 8 years and would genuinely struggle to remember who gave us what for our wedding. But I remember everyone who came, the people I danced with, laughed with and who genuinely celebrated with us. I kept all the cards and it’s those I’ll look back on in the future and re-read the messages in.

As guests, we have regularly given £30 ish voucher to friends. I don’t feel like that’s tight at all.

card and bottle of fizz sounds perfect to me!