Is it ok to not get a gift?

[moomoosaka]

I'm going to a fancy wedding as a guest. I've had to buy a new dress and shoes. I live a distance away so I have to stay over night and the hotel rooms are so pricey! Is it ok if I don't get them a gift? I could probably afford £20 but it would seem more like I'm taking the mick?

Do your friends know your financial situation OP?
If they do, and still insisted that you book a room to help them out then I'm sorry they seem like the grabby type who would absolutely make a fuss about the gift value.

Maybe it's better to not go. Not because you shouldn't, but they don't have the right attitude and don't deserve your presence there.

Absolutely not ok. If I couldn’t afford a gift I would have declined the invite. Or reused a dress and shoes that I already owned and used that money for the gift

You don’t need to follow up with cash! A bottle of wine and a card on the day
is lovely

No. It is not ok to attend a wedding without a gift.

29 years on I still use my Le Creuset cookware most days and I remember the toilet seat a friend gave us with a smile. If someone had given us a Liberty £50 gift coin I would have been bemused.

A wedding is one of the few times that friends and family from both sides will be together watching the happy couple promise to be together forever. That's the real gift.

I think this is really tricky. We've been to a wedding recently where we only took a token gift but we said to them before that we couldn't afford loads as the stag do and being in the wedding were costing upwards of a grand and I was on maternity leave. It didn't feel comfortable though!

Anyway you're not alone and I think the people saying bring a gift probably were mostly young going to weddings when they were cheaper to attend so didn't have the expensive attendance/low disposable income combo. It feels like something has to give if couples want anyone to be able to attend.

Every culture has its own norms surrounding wedding gifts. In the UK, it is basic etiquette to bring a card and gift to a wedding, even if it is just a token (a pair of egg cups for £8, or a photo frame for £10, or a soap dish for £5, or a candle, or a £10 gift card..). We all know this. It's not in the slightest about being materialistic, it's just about knowing basic, basic etiquette.

God there are some grabby people on here tonight. If they are truly your friends OP then they won't care whether you give a gift or not. Give what you can and enjoy the event and do not feel bad for spending money on an outfit; you do not have to wear a sack just so that you can give more money to the bride and groom.

I think it’s perfectly okay to just take a card. The assumption will be made that you likely can’t afford a gift and that’s okay. Having you there to celebrate is far more important than a gift.

I didn't have a dress or shoes that were suitable to reuse...

It would have been trainers and a sarrong if I took that approach

So in that case you think £20 is fine?

This is very risky. Generally, it is expected that you bring a gift to a wedding. It's better to bring something that only cost a few pounds than nothing at all.

Yes absolutely. £20 is fine.

It probably is. Your presence is what they want! Just for you to be there with them. So do not worry about grabby bustards on here. They are definitely in the minority!

Do they have a garden? Something like this might be nice:
www.jparkers.co.uk/exochorda-macrantha-the-bride-0005353c?wgu=296740_196673_1693255702687_61465ccdd1&wgexpiry=1724791702&source=webgains&siteid=196673

Thank you. I wasn't sure if £20 was so little that it would almost be more insulting than nothing

If I've invited you it's because I want you there not because I want a gift (and I would also be just fine if you came in jeans and trainers)

Wedding gifts need to get in the sea. I'm asking guests to not bring gifts. Weddings can be a big expense for guests as it is and couples need to realise that, although it's the most important day of the year for them, it isn't for each individual guest.

If you think about it, some people do gift lists and there are things on there, like spatulas or toothbrush holders, that only cost a few pounds, and they're expecting people to just buy those. So if there's no gift list, it's completely at your discretion, provided you at least bring something as a token gesture, along with a card of course.

Omg, wedding gift lists are even worse. Just so vulgar. Urgh.

So you'd have turned up looking a state and stuck out like a sore thumb, and think this is better than a small token gift and a card?

Who actually wants this stupid clutter though? I know I’d rather have nothing than “token” gifts that I don’t want, would never use, and would just take up space.

There’s some really grabby so and sos out tonight. Of course it’s fine not to take anything. Decent people will prioritise their friends and family being there to celebrate with them, and if a gift is more important to them than that, well, they’re not very pleasant.

It's not really the host's responsibility to dress you. You can't take what you spend on yourself out of whatever you would have spent on them. That's weird. Your clothes are your responsibility.

Jesus, now people are happy for their guests to get into debt so long as they get their present

Hopefully your friend is nicer that people on here!
If I invited you it would be because I wanted you to share my happiness not what I could grab from you!
I'd be more than happy with a card. If you want to put £20 in op go for it, but assume you've been invited because they like you.

For couples who are just moving in together after they get married, and have nothing for their home, they're very practical and save a lot of waste (ensuring they're not getting given 2 of the same thing..)
Some people might say this never happens but I've known of loads of young couples who only moved in together after getting married.