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Original poster

Is it ok to not get a gift?

189 replies

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 19:46

I'm going to a fancy wedding as a guest. I've had to buy a new dress and shoes. I live a distance away so I have to stay over night and the hotel rooms are so pricey! Is it ok if I don't get them a gift? I could probably afford £20 but it would seem more like I'm taking the mick?

OP posts:
SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/08/2023 20:44

£20 will buy a nice photo frame to put a wedding picture in
That was my go to in my younger years.

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 20:45

eastiseastwestiswest · 28/08/2023 20:37

You have to take a gift and a card sorry. If you can't afford it this month then give a card with a note to say "present to follow!" And then send something next month. If you want to just take something small then give them a bottle of champagne with a pair of Vintage champagne glasses from the charity shop in a nice bag.

As others have said though- I'm surprised you literally had nothing to wear. And if you genuinely had nothing to wear and had to buy a new outfit then I hope it was from Vinted?!

Of course I have other clothes but no I didn't have anything to wear to a fancy wedding. And no I got a dress off ebay but even if it wasn't your "I hope it was from Vinted?!" Is an odd comment!

OP posts:
MorningOclock · 28/08/2023 20:46

I would give a John Lewis voucher to whatever amount you can / want to give.

TooBigForMyBoots · 28/08/2023 20:46

Charity shops are full of wedding type clothes. Kit yourself out there instead of buying new and put £50 in a card.

Womblegreen · 28/08/2023 20:47

You’re invited to a celebration. You cover your costs, outfit, travel etc and you bring a gift. If you can’t afford it then don’t attend.

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 20:48

Womblegreen · 28/08/2023 20:47

You’re invited to a celebration. You cover your costs, outfit, travel etc and you bring a gift. If you can’t afford it then don’t attend.

Oh

Well now I feel rubbish about going tbh

OP posts:
SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/08/2023 20:50

Blimey. No idea why you are getting such a drubbing op!
I think buying a nice outfit to wear and taking a simple gift is perfectly fine!

FasciaDreams · 28/08/2023 20:50

OP the prevailing etiquette is to get a gift but if you were my friend I wouldn't care! I invite you for your presence and not presents :)

If you're close enough to be invited surely they know your situation. You can get some decent things for a tenner I have those on my registry as well.

Please don't 'save up', spend money you don't really have. I'd feel bad to have put that expectation on someone.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/market/small_wedding_gift

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2023 20:52

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 20:48

Oh

Well now I feel rubbish about going tbh

Show quote history

Don't. Trust that your friends are nicer than people on here who only want you for your present. I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have kept record. I wouldn't have kept mental tabs and kept you off the christening invite. Plenty of other people on here agree with me. Assume your friends are like us

hby9628 · 28/08/2023 20:52

A house plant is a cute idea. I needed a little wedding gift recently & got a personalised ring dish with the bride and grooms initials from Etsy. It was about £15
I believe not on the high street have a sale on at the moment so you could check on there

Blondebutnotlegally · 28/08/2023 20:52

A couple of very materialistic people on this thread. Very sad

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2023 20:53

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 28/08/2023 20:50

Blimey. No idea why you are getting such a drubbing op!
I think buying a nice outfit to wear and taking a simple gift is perfectly fine!

Exactly. Imagine if OP said she was invited to a fancy wedding so was wearing an old work dress so she could spend £100 on a present. She'd be accused of ruining the wedding!!

Original poster
moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 20:53

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2023 20:52

Don't. Trust that your friends are nicer than people on here who only want you for your present. I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have kept record. I wouldn't have kept mental tabs and kept you off the christening invite. Plenty of other people on here agree with me. Assume your friends are like us

Show quote history

Ok thank you very much for your kind words. Already feeling a bit self conscious about my dress choice but it will have to do.

OP posts:
user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 20:54

moomoosaka · 28/08/2023 20:26

£40 on a dress off ebay and some new shoes but off vented- £10

Show quote history

Then I think £20 on a gift is perfectly lovely.

If you had said you had spent £2k on a frock then it would have been a bit different.

But, as you can see from the replies, everyone is different. It would be a boring world if we were all the same 🙂

drunkpeacock · 28/08/2023 20:55

YourNameGoesHere · 28/08/2023 20:00

Honestly no it's not ok to not take a gift. If you couldn't afford to attend then the polite thing is to decline not buy a new dress, pay for a room and then scrimp on a gift.

Wow I'm pretty shocked at these sort of replies...how grabby!!

If I was getting married, what would matter to me would be that people turned up to celebrate with me. I honestly wouldn't give a shit what gift they brought or even what fancy clothes they were wearing. I'd only invite people that I wanted to spend time with, it which case just being there would be fine.
If somebody didn't turn up and let me know it was because they couldn't afford a present I would feel incredibly upset.

WetsuitRevolutionary · 28/08/2023 20:57

We opened our gifts and made a note of who had bought what, but that was purely so we knew what to write in their thank you cards. We certainly didn't make a note of who hadn't bought us anything, we were just pleased people came to celebrate our big day with us.

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/08/2023 20:59

If it makes you feel better OP, the last wedding DH and I went to we didn't get the couple a gift.

Wedding was 150m from home so we spent £££ on hotel, petrol, expensive drinks at the venue, taxis to and from venue from hotel as venue middle of nowhere etc. We got a nice card and we were going to put some money in but the couple in question are in their 50s and loaded and so we didn't feel we could give £20 or even £50 and it not be silly. So we gave nothing. And no-one said anything and we are still friends with them. So all good really.

For a younger couple just starting out we would obviously have given cash.

Pammela2 · 28/08/2023 20:59

You absolutely should go and celebrate! Of course gifts are nice, but I’d hate for a friend not to attend because of this.
Im assuming you’re going as a solo guest? Then the expectation is even less. I think a tree or a nice card and maybe an engraved cheeseboard is a lovely gift. Look on Etsy and get their names and date of wedding on it. I’m unsure of price- a big cheeseboard might be pricey but you could probably find a photo frame or something?

Loub55 · 28/08/2023 21:00

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 20:54

Then I think £20 on a gift is perfectly lovely.

If you had said you had spent £2k on a frock then it would have been a bit different.

But, as you can see from the replies, everyone is different. It would be a boring world if we were all the same 🙂

Show quote history

I totally agree, spending £20 is absolutely fine and I wouldn't have cared if someone spent a fiver on a token gift to be fair!

I'd get a £12-£15 bottle of wine and a nice plant or photo frame maybe.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/08/2023 21:01

I truly hope that no-one is inviting guest to their wedding on the assumption that they are 'owed' a gift. I would not want a gift that anyone felt they 'owed' me. A card with a nice personal message would be lovely.

Valerie23 · 28/08/2023 21:03

Flower seeds or bulbs are inexpensive and make a lively gift if they have a garden.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/08/2023 21:04

My dd was at a wedding in the Spring. She had to travel abroad as they now live abroad..and she doesn't get a great salary. She is very close to the bride who would have been devastated if she didn't go. She brought no present at the time.
Recently in the Summer the bride was home for a visit and my dd had her present for her...not huge ..but very personal. She was thrilled when she opened it and sent her pictures of it displayed in her new apartment saying: l really feel known!
Stop worry Op . Take a step at a time. Keep an eye out for a suitable present once the wedding is over and your bank account recovers. Meantime enjoy the day and l hope staying at a nice hotel will be a nice treat for you too.

Mumof4plusbonus · 28/08/2023 21:04

I’m from n.Ireland where larger cash gifts are a thing. However I would be horrified if someone declined my invite because they couldn’t afford a gift. I would rather have my loved one there to celebrate the day with me than a lump of cash. I also would hate someone to leave themselves short for it. I’m not a huge fan of weddings so if I’m going then it’s because I really care for the person

Ohyousillybilly · 28/08/2023 21:04

The £50 you spent on your outfit could have gone towards a gift. Are you really saying that you had nothing suitable to wear to a wedding at all? Presumably you've had the invitation for a few months so could have saved towards a gift earlier. It's really bad form to attend a wedding or any function without a gift for the host.

A £50 gift coin from Liberty's department store would look amazing, they can spend it or choose to keep it as a memento.
https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/%C2%A350-liberty-gift-coin-230856.html

Liberty London £50 Liberty Gift Coin | Liberty

The ideal gift for any occasion, our distinctive £50 Liberty Gift Coin is specially commissioned and produced at the Royal Mint. Each Liberty Gift Coin comes b

https://www.libertylondon.com/uk/%C2%A350-liberty-gift-coin-230856.html