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Weddings

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

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EmmaEmerald · 20/02/2023 00:20

You're not invited to the wedding?

just say you have a diary clash.

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Itisbetter · 20/02/2023 00:22

Sorry you have to do something else that weekend

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SilentHedges · 20/02/2023 00:24

Confused in that your thread title says you're "not invited to the wedding" and your posts says "you don't want to go to the wedding". Are you invited to the wedding and have you accepted? That affects the advice you'll be given.

Either way £320 is ridiculous and not reading the room with the cost of living increases.

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mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:24

Small wedding.. just immediate family

"Hi, I've just realised that I'll not be able to make the hen night. Sorry! X"

Does that cut it? 🤨

OP posts:

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mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'm not invited to the wedding..

And I don't want to go to the wedding 😂 I just meant that I'm not backing out of the hen night because of the lack of wedding invite. I just don't want to spend a lot of money and my weekend at the hen party.

OP posts:

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fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

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LadyClaude · 20/02/2023 00:27

Given that you're not invited to the wedding (I know you're not bothered by that, but regardless), I don't think you need to give a reason: "I won't be able to attend the hen party, but I do hope you all have a lovely time". If you feel it would be best to give a reason, then you could chuck in something vague like "a medical appointment", or you are "out of town on the day of the hen party".

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fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:30

Cross post! Your short sweet version is absolutely fine but I might be inclined to explain why if you'd go to a less expensive celebration. The bride/ MOH might have a few such replies and decide to rethink.

I do think it's not great that they're having the small wedding (fine in itself) but expecting friends to pay hundreds to take part.

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Schnooze · 20/02/2023 00:33

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:24

Small wedding.. just immediate family

"Hi, I've just realised that I'll not be able to make the hen night. Sorry! X"

Does that cut it? 🤨

This is fine, but what happens if they ask why?

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MrsMikeDrop · 20/02/2023 00:33

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:24

Small wedding.. just immediate family

"Hi, I've just realised that I'll not be able to make the hen night. Sorry! X"

Does that cut it? 🤨

I think of its the cost, just say that. "Sorry that's way out of my budget, wouldn't loved to come. Have a great night! X"

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MrsMikeDrop · 20/02/2023 00:35

Just to add, be honest I think tats helpful as bride may change her mind and do something cheaper. Others may feel the same. Plus if you lie and say you can't make that date, you're a bit screwed if she changes the date!

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Mars27 · 20/02/2023 00:36

I'm genuinely puzzled as to why someone would invite to their hen night people that are not invited to the wedding. I just don't get it. It's like being invited for dinner just to be served the starter and be sent on your way before main course.

I'd be offended and wouldn't attend the hen night tbh

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Jodielou5972 · 20/02/2023 00:37

My cousins hen do was in tenerife and I just couldn't justify the money. She had made a hen do group chat and I was just honest about the money, hoped they all had a good time and said I'd catch up with her when she got home. After I sent that message a few others girls sent ones saying "being honest the money is a struggle for us too etc".
My cousin still had a large group go to tenerife, but also booked a cocktail night round the local town for those that missed it, plus whoever wanted to come!!
Don't be embarrassed! Ask to meet up for a coffee or a couple drinks one day to wish her all the best.

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HeddaGarbled · 20/02/2023 00:37

I think @fatherfintanstack ’s response is perfect.

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Fedupfatandfrumpy · 20/02/2023 00:38

Mars27 · 20/02/2023 00:36

I'm genuinely puzzled as to why someone would invite to their hen night people that are not invited to the wedding. I just don't get it. It's like being invited for dinner just to be served the starter and be sent on your way before main course.

I'd be offended and wouldn't attend the hen night tbh

My cousin did this. She couldn't have the numbers she wanted at her wedding so held a pre-wedding function to celebrate. It wasn't as fancy but was probably more fun! X

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Viviennemary · 20/02/2023 00:39

Just say its more expensive than you thought it would be and you can't make it.. Or invent a family get together you can't get out of.

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MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 20/02/2023 00:44

Wtf? Do people invite others to their hen do but not their wedding? Shocked at this.

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noodlezoodle · 20/02/2023 01:17

Instead of saying you can't afford it, I'm a fan of 'it's not in the budget at the moment', because it's hard for people to argue with you!

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Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2023 01:19

What's to need help with? Say you're sorry, not able to attend, have a lovely wedding.

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Mamaneedsadrink · 20/02/2023 01:24

Fedupfatandfrumpy · 20/02/2023 00:38

My cousin did this. She couldn't have the numbers she wanted at her wedding so held a pre-wedding function to celebrate. It wasn't as fancy but was probably more fun! X

Show quote history

I agree. I was going to do this too. Hens is way more fun than a wedding!

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mackthepony · 20/02/2023 02:08

My cousin still had a large group go to tenerife, but also booked a cocktail night round the local town for those that missed it, plus whoever wanted to come!!

^

I can't believe the entitlement of some people...a group going to Tenerife? For a hen?

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IrritableCowSyndrome · 20/02/2023 02:16

LadyClaude · 20/02/2023 00:27

Given that you're not invited to the wedding (I know you're not bothered by that, but regardless), I don't think you need to give a reason: "I won't be able to attend the hen party, but I do hope you all have a lovely time". If you feel it would be best to give a reason, then you could chuck in something vague like "a medical appointment", or you are "out of town on the day of the hen party".

Don't lie. You'll get caught out.

Just say you can't make it or say it's more than you'd budgeted for!

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ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/02/2023 03:25

No, it is tacky to mention the cost. Just say you're unable to attend and wish them the best.

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/02/2023 03:32

Personally I think it's outrageous to be invited to the hen do but not the wedding.
My son has recebtky been invited to a friend's stag do but only the evening part of the wedding, and I was gobsmacked.

I'd say you can't afford it but hope they have a good time.

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Delectable · 20/02/2023 03:52

Just say, "Oh sorry! It's way over my budget; do have a fab time!"

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