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Original poster

£320 for hen night.. I'm not even invited to the wedding

258 replies

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 00:16

Ok so..

I said I would go to the hen night, figured it'd cost in/around £150 and tbh was quite looking forward to a facial/massage.

But..

£320?

Absolutely not. How do I word the text that I'm not going? I'm definitely not going.

Problem is, the bride and family know I can afford it. I don't even want to go to the wedding either. I literally just don't want to pay £320 for something I'm not overly fussed on.

Help dear MNers

OP posts:
Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:45

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:44

@Maireas aunt will make a fuss because she will know I'm dropping out because I don't want to go, rather than anything else

Thanks for everyone's suggestions so far 🙂

Right, but what I don't understand is why the aunt thinks it's ok you're not invited to the wedding?. Just odd.

gogohmm · 20/02/2023 08:47

Does it include food, drinks?

Mars27 · 20/02/2023 08:48

mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:37

Thanks everyone

She knows I can afford it, so reluctant to say about budget..

She's my cousin so my aunt is likely to discuss with my mother

Tempted just to be honest - it's outrageous to expect someone to pay that when they're not even going to the wedding

But that's the thing, it's not because she knows you can afford that you have to go. Your budget is your business. You don't have to do things just because you can afford. The attitude of relatives discussing your finances is very intrusive. Perhaps you could tell your mother to steer the conversation if your aunt start asking questions about your finances. Heck, my money is my money, it's my business and nobody else's.

FrenchandSaunders · 20/02/2023 08:48

£320 for one night in a 3* hotel 😳😳, bloody Nora!

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:51

No. Food and drinks extra - I assume the price is to reflect the Saturday night.

Of the entire group, I only know my cousin and auntie, they're bringing their own friends too - so I'm also v reluctant with the cost as it feels like an awful lot of money to spend on something I simply just don't want to attend with people I don't know.

Look I'm a nice person, I don't want any rows (their close family can be a bit.. combative) - but I've a husband, young kids and just would rather not.

OP posts:
Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:52

I am genuinely curious as to why you're not invited to the wedding.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:53

I think it's expensive because you're covering the costs for the bride and possibly her mum as well?

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:56

@Maireas smallish wedding.

Probably my kids. She knows the small one is feral.Grin

I've also never met the groom.. I love not going to weddings, saves so much hassle. Could also do without the hen night invitation tbh.

OP posts:
northernbeee · 20/02/2023 08:56

If you're not close enough to go to the wedding then I wouldn't be going on the hen do! Are you not even invited to the night time wedding?

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 08:58

I am not going to any part of the wedding

OP posts:
lewiscapaldi · 20/02/2023 08:59

I absolutely can't believe anyone would have a hen do and not invite the hens to the wedding! That is unspeakably rude IMO.

DNBU · 20/02/2023 09:01

You might have the money - doesn’t mean you’d want to spend it on that.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 20/02/2023 09:03

Maireas · 20/02/2023 08:53

I think it's expensive because you're covering the costs for the bride and possibly her mum as well?

this.

you're being expected to subsidise other people.

it should be easy to find out the normal cost of a room at the hotel, and the treatment shouldn't add more than £35 to that. so the message should be one of confusion and polite request for clarification.

"I'm a bit thrown by the cost of £320 - normal cost of a room at the Ibis is about £90 and with the mini treatment choice obviously that adds a little bit, but I can't see any reason for the total to be more than about £150 each even if there are a few extras I haven't thought of, can you explain how the costs break down?"

CloudPop · 20/02/2023 09:05

FrenchandSaunders · 20/02/2023 08:48

£320 for one night in a 3* hotel 😳😳, bloody Nora!

Agreed !

BlackFriday · 20/02/2023 09:05

But the message suggested upthread didn't say you couldn't afford it; just that it was more than you had expected to pay. Which it is. And so you therefore don't want to do it.

WaltzingWaters · 20/02/2023 09:06

fatherfintanstack · 20/02/2023 00:26

I'd just be straight up:

'thanks for inviting me to the hen party. Plans look great but I'm afraid it's rather more than I was expecting to spend so i won't be able to join you. I hope you have a wonderful day and wedding though and look forward to catching up soon!'.

That way you're not claiming you can't afford it but telling the truth in a nice way. It is a lot of money and I'm guessing they're not someone extremely close if you're not invited to the wedding so they shouldn't take it personally.

This is a perfect message to send

Original poster
mrsoodles · 20/02/2023 09:06

Oh yes. It absolutely appears to be covering the cost of the bride.

I wish the party well and hope they have a lovely evening. I suppose I am tying myself up in knots to appear polite to someone who is being unspeakably rude.

I'm just not sure how to response will be met, I hear the bride has entered her unreasonable stage Hmm and the last thing I want is a row. I wish her all the very best, she is lovely.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 20/02/2023 09:06

I'd not ask about how they got to the costs if you are pulling out. Unless you'd go at £159?

But with dinner and drinks and breakfast you are looking at £500. Plus you'd want sone treatment else what's the point. 3-11 is too short especially if big evening planned so people hungover!

I could afford that but I would not want to unless it was a group of MY closest mates. Not just a cousin and aunt being only ones I knew.

So "unfortunately it's out of my budget, hope you have a lovely time"

FeinCuroxiVooz · 20/02/2023 09:07

or just
"sorry that's beyond what I'm happy to spend. can I take you and aunty susan out for lunch after the wedding some time instead so I can hear all about it"

FinnRussell · 20/02/2023 09:08

So food, drinks and diesel you're unlikely to get change from £400?

I had this last year and it was because we were paying for the bride. I said I couldn't make the date and they asked me to give all my free weekends and changed the date so I could go. It was grim but I hate stuff like that.

BusySittingDown · 20/02/2023 09:09

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 20/02/2023 00:44

Wtf? Do people invite others to their hen do but not their wedding? Shocked at this.

I only had immediate family at my wedding (got married in Gretna Green). There were probably more people at my Hen than actual wedding. Although it was dinner and a disco at about £30 each, to be fair!

We did have a party after the wedding that everyone was invited to, I suppose.

Maireas · 20/02/2023 09:10

lewiscapaldi · 20/02/2023 08:59

I absolutely can't believe anyone would have a hen do and not invite the hens to the wedding! That is unspeakably rude IMO.

Even worse, create a problem for her if she doesn't attend the hen do.

rookiemere · 20/02/2023 09:10

I was about to say that hen dos are generally bigger affairs these days as most women earn enough to afford to go away and trips abroad are cheaper these days.

But then realised that it's £320 for a night in a 3 star hotel Shock. Definitely say no OP and offer to take B2B out for a nice afternoon tea or something instead, to stop any bad mouthing.

TallulahBetty · 20/02/2023 09:10

I would never go to a hen do if I wasn't invited to the wedding. Bloomin cheek!

crumpet · 20/02/2023 09:11

“Sorry, I won’t be able to attend - my fault entirely, as I’d budgeted for about half that amount. I should have checked before saying I could come. Would love to catch up with you though, could we meet up for dinner when you’re back from your honeymoon?”